I'm too insecure

[tb24]

I was talking with my friend and she helped me realise why I'm so shy... I'm insecure. I worry about my looks too much. If I think a girl is looking at me I feel like she's judging me and all I can think is "She'd never like me, she must be thinking how weird I am". Even when it's painfully obvious she wants me to talk to her! I know, it's stupid. I know some girls do find me attractive but... whenever I'm out in public I get incredibly self-conscious and struggle to believe anyone would like me.

 

My friend said I was attractive and that I shouldn't worry about my looks. I know she's right, at least that I shouldn't worry, and my issue is being insecure but I think that's the damage that was done by not having a single girl show interest in me until I was nearly 22.

 

Then again, she's my friend she's going to say that isn't she?! It's not that I don't trust her or value her opinion but... well.. she's not going to say "No, you're ugly that's why you're single" is she?

 

So... how can I get over my insecurity? That's my main issue. I wish I could just be a bit more confidence and deep down believe that some girls do find me attractive. At the moment , no matter how much a girl looks at me or even flirts with me I struggle to believe she really likes me! That's my main problem... but I'm not sure quite what I can do about it

 

Any ideas?

[ConfusedOne4]

Hi tb24,

 

Well first off I have to let you know I'm almost 24 and I've had one boyfriend in the past; he was a huge jerk and damaged a good portion of the little self confidence I had. I dated him right after high school until the end of my second year in college, so from 18 to 20.

 

That being said, I was extremely insecure and in some aspects I still am. But, I think one thing I tried to teach myself is embracing ME and my insecurities and to not let others' judgments limit me. This is an extremely hard task to accomplish, I'm not going to lie. Right after my ex, I was hurt by a former friend (I wouldn't mention he did, but just know it was bad enough to destroy the little bit of self-confidence I had left, after my ex).

 

I think what you need to try and do is embrace yourself and try not to care what others think. Also, just try being friendly with the girls who seem to show interest and you can learn whether or not she actually likes you. Just make sure you don't give the vibe that you like them too, unless you do.

 

This will take time, but I think with a little time and effort, you will be able to love yourself and embrace yourself, and finally be able to approach a girl knowing she wants you to approach her.

 

I'm not sure if what I wrote above makes much sense, but hopefully that helps.

 

Good Luck.

[gaius]

Did you used to be fat?

[woots31]

I was talking with my friend and she helped me realise why I'm so shy... I'm insecure. I worry about my looks too much. If I think a girl is looking at me I feel like she's judging me and all I can think is "She'd never like me, she must be thinking how weird I am". Even when it's painfully obvious she wants me to talk to her! I know, it's stupid. I know some girls do find me attractive but... whenever I'm out in public I get incredibly self-conscious and struggle to believe anyone would like me.

 

My friend said I was attractive and that I shouldn't worry about my looks. I know she's right, at least that I shouldn't worry, and my issue is being insecure but I think that's the damage that was done by not having a single girl show interest in me until I was nearly 22.

 

Then again, she's my friend she's going to say that isn't she?! It's not that I don't trust her or value her opinion but... well.. she's not going to say "No, you're ugly that's why you're single" is she?

 

So... how can I get over my insecurity? That's my main issue. I wish I could just be a bit more confidence and deep down believe that some girls do find me attractive. At the moment , no matter how much a girl looks at me or even flirts with me I struggle to believe she really likes me! That's my main problem... but I'm not sure quite what I can do about it

 

Any ideas?

Jump in head first, the only one stopping you is you. Go out and start dating girls, it may help your confidence grow. Some parts of dating can be painful but there are benefits. You said yourself you think some girls find you attractive you just wont allow yourself to believe it. So jump in the dating world is a crazy one though so be careful, do not over invest.