pknight1120 Posted March 14, 2012 Posted March 14, 2012 Just curious how many women who have cheated have fallen in love and left for the OM.. I am in a situation now where I dont feel like I can complete with my husband's daily porn watching, chatting with other women online, and he cheated with my best friend (at the time)... Now I've also cheated with a really good guy friend, and am confused on whether I want to stay and work things out with hubby (no trust) or leave and see what happens with the OM.. am I just confused on my emotions?
beenburned Posted March 14, 2012 Posted March 14, 2012 You should never divorce for someone else! You should only divorce based on your marriage. If you are not happy, leave. But don't leave simply because you have someone to run to, as that relationship might fail later. You need to divorce and learn how to live on your own, especially if you have children that could be affected by other live-in boyfriends!
kaleidoscope Posted March 14, 2012 Posted March 14, 2012 Why on earth did you cheat as well? To get back at your husband? Two wrongs don't make a right. What a tangled web we weave. I would say you focus on getting yourself straight, maybe even moving out for a few months to decide what to do with your life. Drop them all and get a vibrator for a few months.
Spark1111 Posted March 14, 2012 Posted March 14, 2012 All great advice here. Women, biologically, release hormones that resemble love when they are physically satisfied by a man, especially if feeling lonely, vulnerable and depressed. These hormones bond them to a man and cause them to project all these good feeling onto him, so much so, that she no longer sees what kind of man he truly is. How many of us have seen a friend fall for a guy who is no good? Too often to count. One popular author espouses a 90-day rule for women to wait before becoming physical with a man so that they can assess his true character. This is very strongly based on biology.
Chi townD Posted March 14, 2012 Posted March 14, 2012 Stats show that only 14% of relationships that start out as affairs make it for the long haul. The odds are stacked heavily against you.
Kidd Posted March 14, 2012 Posted March 14, 2012 Stats show that only 14% of relationships that start out as affairs make it for the long haul. The odds are stacked heavily against you. The stats I read say 3%. The odds are against you big time. Your OM wants in your pants and is such a good guy that he didn't care what it did to you or your family to make it happen. He's playing his cards with you quite well as far as I can tell. How surprising that he thinks your H is the bad guy for "pushing you" into an affair. Clearly your affair is all your H's fault (even though he confessed after you had yours). And yes, your emotions are getting the best of you. We all like external validation, especially true for you now that you feel betrayed by your H. There's no question that you should detach from the OM and figure out what to do with your M. And Spark is dead on when it comes to the biological response you're having. It is addictive. Real, mature love survives after that thrilling phase. It will never stay that way. You need to break this addiction completely and then decide what you want to do about the M. In my M, watching porn was not taboo and personally, I think it is a stretch to say he is addicted. He is making attempts to reconcile with you. I'm sure you both understand that this wouldn't happen overnight and you both need to do a lot of work if you want to regain trust (it can be done). That said, what is your response? 1
bentnotbroken Posted March 14, 2012 Posted March 14, 2012 Just curious how many women who have cheated have fallen in love and left for the OM.. I am in a situation now where I dont feel like I can complete with my husband's daily porn watching, chatting with other women online, and he cheated with my best friend (at the time)... Now I've also cheated with a really good guy friend, and am confused on whether I want to stay and work things out with hubby (no trust) or leave and see what happens with the OM.. am I just confused on my emotions? Leave. The game playing between you and your husband shows there isn't a marriage there anyway. If it does not work out with----- what does it matter that you are alone? Shouldn't be able to be alone? Don't you like yourself? If you can't stand to be alone with yourself, how are you going to sustain a healthy relationship with anyone? Don't hedge your bets. You don't want your husband(and it appears he doesn't want you) so end and learn to be on your own. You shouldn't need an emotional safety net.
Betrayed&Stayed Posted March 14, 2012 Posted March 14, 2012 PK, I've read your other posts. Please keep in mind that your relationship with the OM is based on fantasy. It is not based on reality. You only see his best side that he chooses to show you. Even that may be embellished. Also, trust issues: why would you trust a man that sleeps with a married women? A good guy doesn't screw married women. Period! Of course he is being charming and supportive: he wants to get in your pants! He gets to have sex with you without putting in the hard work required for a REAL relationship. Side note: your husband has a serious addiction. Is he willing to seek professional help for his addiction?
Ninja'sHusband Posted March 14, 2012 Posted March 14, 2012 All great advice here. Women, biologically, release hormones that resemble love when they are physically satisfied by a man, especially if feeling lonely, vulnerable and depressed. These hormones bond them to a man and cause them to project all these good feeling onto him, so much so, that she no longer sees what kind of man he truly is. How many of us have seen a friend fall for a guy who is no good? Too often to count. One popular author espouses a 90-day rule for women to wait before becoming physical with a man so that they can assess his true character. This is very strongly based on biology. Wow, that's interesting, never heard it put quite like that. Is there a specific study that talks about this? Links? As a guy I feel like I can separate the two fairly well. Lust and Love are very different things to me, though they mix together in a good marriage.
flutterbykiss Posted March 15, 2012 Posted March 15, 2012 (edited) Wow, that's interesting, never heard it put quite like that. Is there a specific study that talks about this? Links? As a guy I feel like I can separate the two fairly well. Lust and Love are very different things to me, though they mix together in a good marriage. Try the article below. It's just a quick but comprehensive overview -certainly NOT the most scientific I've read but it brings together more ideas, in a more accessible way, than individual studies - consider it 'Sex Hormones for Dummies". I've read quite a few scientific studies (on both humans and other mammals) regarding the various chemicals involved if you want to take your research futher. http://www.doctorlisalove.wordpress.com/2011/01/22/brain-research-into-the-healthy-unhealthy-impacts-of-sex-on-women-men/ Edited March 15, 2012 by flutterbykiss
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