Beetleguise Posted March 14, 2012 Posted March 14, 2012 Hi guys, Have been with my girlfriend for 5 months. Everything has gone great so far. However, when she goes out with her best friend drinking, her best friends boyfriend and 3 or 4 of his single mates go aswell. Before my GF got with me, one of them tried it on with her and abandoned her to walk home alone because she refused. She went out with them drinking and clubbing friday night and casually mentioned too me 2 days later that the lads kept asking her if she would "Cheat on her Boyfriend"(Me) I know my girlfriend loves me and is extremely happy with me but i certaintly dont like testing her judgement in this type of scenario when she is heavily intoxicated. Would it be neglectful to our relationship to continue letting her go drinking with these guys who are clearly actively interested in her? Part of the worry is my GF drinks until she is hammered and is a particularly sloppy drunk. She also has a very permiscuous past. (Says she has never cheated though which i have no reason not to beleive) On the other hand, i have been surprised how open and honest she has been with me from the off which is reasuring. Would you be ok with your partner if you where in my shoes? Thanks
Clep Posted March 14, 2012 Posted March 14, 2012 Nope I wouldn't. Why aren't you going too? And why is she getting that intoxicated? That isn't responsible or healthy to put one's self in a situation where they can't make wise choices for themselves. You can't let her or not let her though. You can tell her your concerns and hope she makes a choice that will put herself and the relationship first. If not, you have some decisions to make.
Author Beetleguise Posted March 16, 2012 Author Posted March 16, 2012 Cheers clep, i think you have summed up exactly how i feel. With her drinking, i think she just likes to get drunk when out but is poor at pacing herself. Still interested to hear other peopls opinions. thanks guys
Diamonds&Rust Posted March 17, 2012 Posted March 17, 2012 This is a tough subject. To me, it seems like the most important question isn't whether this behavior is acceptable, but why it's happening in the first place. It's not particularly bothersome that they're asking whether she would cheat on you. That's actually a somewhat valid question, if also kinda rude. What's bothersome is that the question doesn't seem to bother her, as it reveals a motive that she's choosing to ignore while sober and may lose the capacity to ignore after several drinks. Not as in she'll cheat on you, but as in she'll no longer participate in the self-deception that this is just a platonic group of drinkers. It's also really strange that she would tell you about this comment. I'm curious what she'd say if you asked her why she mentioned it. I have the vague suspicion you may be overstating her character. She may not be a cheater, but there's something odd about her behavior--someone who is open and honest still uses discretion in the information they provide to others. Is it at all possible that she wants you to ask her to change her habits? I love your use of "sloppy drunk," by the way. Something really bluesy about it. Hopefully she doesn't end up throwing lye into your face or something. It would also be good if she learned a bit on how to drink responsibly as she matures, it's not too difficult to learn to pace oneself.
Emilia Posted March 19, 2012 Posted March 19, 2012 Hi guys, Have been with my girlfriend for 5 months. Everything has gone great so far. However, when she goes out with her best friend drinking, her best friends boyfriend and 3 or 4 of his single mates go aswell. Before my GF got with me, one of them tried it on with her and abandoned her to walk home alone because she refused. She went out with them drinking and clubbing friday night and casually mentioned too me 2 days later that the lads kept asking her if she would "Cheat on her Boyfriend"(Me) If I were in your shoes I would question why she enjoys hanging out with people like this. I have nothing against drinking and getting drunk on the odd occasion, I live in Britain, we do it as a national sport. However, the quality of people you choose to hang out with is indicative of your personality in my opinion.
Author Beetleguise Posted March 20, 2012 Author Posted March 20, 2012 This is a tough subject. To me, it seems like the most important question isn't whether this behavior is acceptable, but why it's happening in the first place. It's not particularly bothersome that they're asking whether she would cheat on you. That's actually a somewhat valid question, if also kinda rude. What's bothersome is that the question doesn't seem to bother her, as it reveals a motive that she's choosing to ignore while sober and may lose the capacity to ignore after several drinks. Not as in she'll cheat on you, but as in she'll no longer participate in the self-deception that this is just a platonic group of drinkers. It's also really strange that she would tell you about this comment. I'm curious what she'd say if you asked her why she mentioned it. I have the vague suspicion you may be overstating her character. She may not be a cheater, but there's something odd about her behavior--someone who is open and honest still uses discretion in the information they provide to others. Is it at all possible that she wants you to ask her to change her habits? I love your use of "sloppy drunk," by the way. Something really bluesy about it. Hopefully she doesn't end up throwing lye into your face or something. It would also be good if she learned a bit on how to drink responsibly as she matures, it's not too difficult to learn to pace oneself. Cheers for the replies guys, greatly appreciated Just to clarify, she mentioned it when she was sober 2 days later. We had vaguely wandered onto the subject of one of her friends who had cheated on her partner and she said something along the lines of "The lads kept doing my head in friday asking me if i would cheat on my BF, obviously i told em no" I can only imagine she was trying to make me feel jealous/insecure with this comment as she isnt naive or insensitive enough to innocuosly say it.
Author Beetleguise Posted March 20, 2012 Author Posted March 20, 2012 If I were in your shoes I would question why she enjoys hanging out with people like this. I have nothing against drinking and getting drunk on the odd occasion, I live in Britain, we do it as a national sport. However, the quality of people you choose to hang out with is indicative of your personality in my opinion. Thanks for your reply, Im british too I agree with you . Just feels a very tough spot, especially how the other day she said "Thats why i have never pressured you to much to quit smoking, when somebody asks me not to do something, it makes me want to do it more" I think i am going to to ask her to bring her mate out with myself and her next time . Seems the only plausible option at the moment as discussing it directly with her might open another can of worms so too speak. Still interested in hearing other peoples opinions . Thanks everyone
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