decency

[stimson554]

"I know that my ex never owed me an explanation of her behavior, but i'm sorry, that doesnt obsolve her from being honest. Any decent human being who once loved you, should have the decency to expose you to the truth."

 

I read this over on another forum, this is so true, while most of the time dumpers don't owe you an explanation that doesn't mean it is right for them to hide their true intentions, regardless of whether it hurts or not, if they really care about the dumpee as they claim to, MONTHS to YEARS later, then they owe it to them to be completely honest.

 

just my thoughts.

[smudge21]

They should show the same respect as you show them, you're right there, but expecting someone to act that way, expecting them to be like you, can often be like expecting blood from a stone, and sadly that can lead to dumpees holding on to the memories of their ex's for a very long time - seeking that closure or at least some comfort, from people who often don't care less.

 

I was the dumper a few years back and I felt bad over the way it ended so did sit down with her and go through it all. I simply fell out of love - no BS or anything, that was it. Now I'm here after being dumped and yeah, I would've loved that same explanation and honesty, but once again, that's expecting her to be like me. Never going to happen. Everyone's different.

 

Sometimes, as hard as it is, it is better just to let go and realise some people are just not worth our time or energy, despite how much they did once love us.

[Philosoraptor]

It would be nice if everyone could be honest with things, but it will not happen. In many cases the dumper does care about you and thinks they are sparing you pain by being vague and not picking out the issues that were truly deal breakers for them.

[flitzanu]

"I know that my ex never owed me an explanation of her behavior, but i'm sorry, that doesnt obsolve her from being honest. Any decent human being who once loved you, should have the decency to expose you to the truth."

 

I read this over on another forum, this is so true, while most of the time dumpers don't owe you an explanation that doesn't mean it is right for them to hide their true intentions, regardless of whether it hurts or not, if they really care about the dumpee as they claim to, MONTHS to YEARS later, then they owe it to them to be completely honest.

 

just my thoughts.

 

unfortunately this begs the question..."who are YOU to tell me how i should behave? insisting i don't care isn't your place to decide, as you don't control my emotions, only your own. just because i don't agree with your values doesn't make you RIGHT".

 

got it?

 

perception. i would agree that i'd love honesty about intention, but you can't tell someone how to behave any more than they can tell you. that doesn't make their behavior "wrong", it just means you don't like it. and in a subtle way that also makes it appear that you're saying your better than them, since "you" can be honest and true, and they can't.

 

be mindful of perception.

[stimson554]

unfortunately this begs the question..."who are YOU to tell me how i should behave? insisting i don't care isn't your place to decide, as you don't control my emotions, only your own. just because i don't agree with your values doesn't make you RIGHT".

 

got it?

 

perception. i would agree that i'd love honesty about intention, but you can't tell someone how to behave any more than they can tell you. that doesn't make their behavior "wrong", it just means you don't like it. and in a subtle way that also makes it appear that you're saying your better than them, since "you" can be honest and true, and they can't.

 

be mindful of perception.

 

your about to eat your own words here, because by telling me that i now have to act this way, your saying that i should think exactly as you do, and that as you pointed out, is just not realistic. so no i don't "got it"

 

in no way does not wanting to be truthful, obsolve you of telling the truth. i know that they dont HAVE to tell you, im just saying if they were any kind of decent then they would.

 

come on now.

Edited March 14, 2012 by stimson554

[BewitchedandBothered]

"I know that my ex never owed me an explanation of her behavior, but i'm sorry, that doesnt obsolve her from being honest. Any decent human being who once loved you, should have the decency to expose you to the truth."

 

I read this over on another forum, this is so true, while most of the time dumpers don't owe you an explanation that doesn't mean it is right for them to hide their true intentions, regardless of whether it hurts or not, if they really care about the dumpee as they claim to, MONTHS to YEARS later, then they owe it to them to be completely honest.

 

just my thoughts.

 

Oh so very true. My ex said I was a psycho and he had enough. minutes later "are you free for dinner?" I would love an explanation of why he was so verbally and mentally abusive to me and dropped the ball just like that. but...he is narcissistic and therefore does no wrong. If the person that dumps another is decent, they would explain it. Some are decent, but just cowards and afraid of confrontation. We are left holding the bag. I agree with your statement.

[flitzanu]

your about to eat your own words here, because by telling me that i now have to act this way, your saying that i should think exactly as you do, and that as you pointed out, is just not realistic. so no i don't "got it"

 

in no way does not wanting to be truthful, obsolve you of telling the truth. i know that they dont HAVE to tell you, im just saying if they were any kind of decent then they would.

 

come on now.

 

you missed the point.

 

i'm not telling you to act or think anything. i'm telling you that placing your values and thoughts on how other people should act is always going to cause grief, because another person is always going to tell you that your method may be wrong. you're absolutely entitled to think or act how you choose and as a person i'll support you. i'm just reminding you that people aren't as decent as you're wishing they are, and if you tell them they're not, they're going to be even less decent.

[Feelin Frisky]

"I know that my ex never owed me an explanation of her behavior, but i'm sorry, that doesnt obsolve her from being honest. Any decent human being who once loved you, should have the decency to expose you to the truth."

 

I read this over on another forum, this is so true, while most of the time dumpers don't owe you an explanation that doesn't mean it is right for them to hide their true intentions, regardless of whether it hurts or not, if they really care about the dumpee as they claim to, MONTHS to YEARS later, then they owe it to them to be completely honest.

 

just my thoughts.

 

I agree totally. But a recurring scenario I have faced is that some--perhaps many--women tend to assume anger when there isn't any yet. They expect instant expression of feelings and mere silence implies anger or displeasure. Sometimes things happen that I don't know yet how I feel and I need to pull back and decide what my feelings are and what proportions they have. Because they assume the worst and give themselves over to the discomfort of deeming me angry or upset, I am therefore maneuvered into having to defend myself that I was not angry. Defense always sounds angry and you become guilty anyway. It's a no win situation. You can't do anything but pretend to blow off everything and if you're a complex intellectual will feelings and positions on things occasionally something is going to come up UNLESS YOU ARE PERFECTLY MATCHED in every regard. This is very simple to learn and live--it is "social development". But few families if any convey this to their youth and school, at least in America, is totally unmindful that social development is a major determinant not only of identities buy what happens in society and what the costs eventually amount to for neglecting this kind of development.

 

I hope for the day to meet someone who can even maybe work on terms of this before we start caring so much for each other because I for one have had it with being assumed guilty of anger and then having to angrily defend that I'm wasn't angry. I'm sick of this no win, dead end scenario. Any wonder now why I alway say in polls that ask what your deal breakers are that she must not be a Republican? There will be those moments of silence where you just don't think and feel the same way and it should not default to me being "mad" and then having to sound "mad" explaining that I wasn't mad and she assumed the wrong thing. Tiring.