stimson554 Posted March 14, 2012 Posted March 14, 2012 (edited) why is it that ex's feel the need to contact the dumpee to relieve said "guilt"? do they really feel guilt at all, or is it just a power trip thing? like they know your still hooked on them so they decide to play with your feelings a little, i honestly dont think they feel any guilt at all, i mean, did the feel it when they ended things? i don't think so. Edited March 14, 2012 by stimson554
BoredAgain Posted March 14, 2012 Posted March 14, 2012 Just reading people's stories on this board, it's obvious that many dumpers do feel guilt. Many go out of their way to ask the person they dumped, "do you hate me?" in hopes that the dumpee reassures them that there are no hard feelings. But other times, dumpers don't feel any guilt. Maybe they think the dumping was deserved, maybe they are confident the decision will work out best for the dumpee too, or sometimes they're just psychopaths who feel no remorse for hurting people. People and relationships are diverse. It's difficult to generalize in these situations. For the most part, I do think most dumpees feel some guilt no matter what because, frankly, it's hard to hurt somebody's feelings.
Author stimson554 Posted March 14, 2012 Author Posted March 14, 2012 Just reading people's stories on this board, it's obvious that many dumpers do feel guilt. Many go out of their way to ask the person they dumped, "do you hate me?" in hopes that the dumpee reassures them that there are no hard feelings. But other times, dumpers don't feel any guilt. Maybe they think the dumping was deserved, maybe they are confident the decision will work out best for the dumpee too, or sometimes they're just psychopaths who feel no remorse for hurting people. People and relationships are diverse. It's difficult to generalize in these situations. For the most part, I do think most dumpees feel some guilt no matter what because, frankly, it's hard to hurt somebody's feelings. i see where your coming from and i agree that alot of times that may be the case, but, if the dumper truly believes 100% that it was the right decision for both parties, shouldn't they have no regrets for remorse? i mean it doesn't quite all add up when you take their thinking into consideration, i think they just want approval from the dumpee that whatever they did was acceptable and the other person just has to "deal with it".
LSgirl Posted March 14, 2012 Posted March 14, 2012 My ex bf did truly feel guilty. 6 days post breakup and strict NC, he sent me a text saying how much he hated himself, disgusted with himself, ashamed of what he did, that I was better off now, deserved better, was beautiful inside and out and great and hope one day I could talk to him again. I've been strict NC since breakup, I didn't bother responding to it. He's not a very emotional person so when I read that I was very shocked. He's a very confident and mellow guy, a man with little words but when he does open up I definitely listen. I wasn't even sure if he saw any of his faults when we ended it, it was a mutual breakup but it was just his way of alleviating his guilt, not to get back together, but something he had to do for himself. It's been 15 days NC now and no plans to speak to him again.
rootless Posted March 14, 2012 Posted March 14, 2012 I felt horrible for breaking my last girlfriend's heart. I didn't regret the decision to leave, but I did feel tremendous compassion for her, and I truly hated causing her pain. I made a big effort to do it as respectfully and gently as I could, and I know I acted with honesty and integrity, but it still thoroughly sucked. It's never fun to drop the hammer on someone you care about, and who cares about you. We don't stay in close touch anymore, and I do miss her a lot. And it pains me when I hear that's she's struggling, or having a hard time. Not just because I had a hand in it, but because I want her to have a beautiful, amazing life, filled with happiness. It was the right thing to do, but I didn't enjoy doing it. At all.
alabaster2 Posted March 14, 2012 Posted March 14, 2012 I would say it is a power trip thing. They just want to make sure you are not doing alright. I used to be the one to do that all the time, back when I still had immense anger issues (like 100% on this anger test), but now I have gotten more confident and sure and am able to look back and laugh at my behavior.
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