Trying2MoveOn Posted March 14, 2012 Posted March 14, 2012 My exbf broke up with me just under 2 years ago, and he's basically been jerking me around ever since then. Like repeatedly saying he wants to be with me/reconcile but then turning right around & starting to date someone else the second I even hint that I might be willing to reconcile with him. Now I'm at the point where I'm just so fed up with crap & don't want to talk to him at all. Well, at least a small part of me wants to reconcile but since I still have no reason to think HE is serious about wanting to reconcile with me, I'd rather not talk to him at all. I certainly don't want to be just friends with him while he's running around dating and screwing other girls. So, I've been trying to do complete NC with him. I did mess up & talk to him recently then went right back to strict NC again. After one week NC on both our parts, he started trying to talk to me again yesterday (3 phone calls & 3 texts) and I ignored him. I stupidly borrowed money from him not that long ago as I was going through a really rough patch money wise. So, I have no choice really but to be in touch with him since I do owe him money. However, I feel like I owe him money but after the way he's treated me the past few years, I certainly don't owe him anything else like being available to chit chat on the phone with him, reassure him that his "safety net" girl is still there for him, etc. I'm trying my very best to stick with ONLY talking to him in regards to the $ I owe him and I don't want him to somehow manipulate me into having to talk to him & that's what it feels like he's trying to do. Today he's texted me several times. I ignored the first few texts he sent but then ended up texting him. Here's how our text convo went: HIM: I need to talk with u. Please call me. ME: If it's about the $ I owe u, text me with any questions u have & I will be more than happy 2 discuss it with u via text. Otherwise, please don't contact me. HIM: Well I will call u later. ME: I can just as easily address any questions or concerns u have about the $ via email so if that's what u want 2 discuss, just text me please. HIM: I don't trust texts. I will call u. ME: Like I said b4, I will send u some $ as soon as I get my tax refund. I don't want 2 talk 2 u unless it's specifically in regards 2 the $ I owe u. I know I already told u that recently. HIM: I just want to talk. ME: I already told u I will send u $ once I get my tax refund& then I'll keep sending u $ til ur totally paid off. What more do you need to know about it? HIM: I will call u later. (After starting to get really annoyed that he was completely ignoring my preference to talk via text only & only if it's about the I owe him I said....) ME: Well u can have fun talking to my answering machine then. HIM: Why are u always like this? (A short while later...) HIM: Aww What do you guys think is the best way to handle this? Just from here on out go back to total NC unless he specifically asks about the money I owe him & then respond? Do you guys think since I owe him $ and he apparently would rather talk on the phone I should agree to talk to him on the phone but let him know in advance via text that the very second he starts getting off track and trying to talk anything other than "business" with me, I will immediately hang up no him & then actually hang up on him if/when he starts talking about anything other than the money I owe him?? Or, should I hold firm in my position that I will discuss the money with him via text only? I owe him a fairly large amount of money and so the last thing I want to do is get him all pissed off at me. On the other hand, I don't want to be manipulated into HAVING to talk to him on the phone. This is especially true if it turns out that all he wants to do is chit chat since whenever I talk to him just to realize that nothings changed & he still isn't serious about reconciling, I end up feeling really unhappy all over again.
zanzi Posted March 14, 2012 Posted March 14, 2012 it sounds like you are still too involved. If you can, pay him back and then just dont talk to him anymore. At elast not until you are sure your feelings are completely resolved.
Philosoraptor Posted March 14, 2012 Posted March 14, 2012 Is the amount small enough that you could reasonably take a loan from friends of family and pay them with your return? Just to get this monkey off your back ASAP. Also, write a check (and write what it's for on it) or make him sign something saying he recieved cash. If he wants to stay in your life he may claim he was never paid.
Author Trying2MoveOn Posted May 26, 2012 Author Posted May 26, 2012 (edited) zanzi & Philosoraptor, Thank you very much for your input. I apologize for not replying to you both sooner but it's been quite awhile since I logged onto this site. Philo, Unfortunately, none of my family or friends are currently in a position to be able to loan the money to me so that I can pay him back faster. I've been pretty tight on money the past few months & about a week ago I sent him my first payment. It was in the form of a money order & he called to let me know that he got it in the mail & that he went to bank and cashed it. Unfortunately, I still owe him quite a bit of money (just a little over $1,000 which as a single mom is a lot for me since I have very little extra money right now). Since I last posted here a few months ago, I've had intermittent contact with my ex & he is usually the one to initiate it. I'm at the point now though where I really want to take at least the next few months and have NO contact with him as being in contact with him does nothing now but make me sad and/or angry. It seems like he enjoys trying to mess with my head. He called me a few days ago & said that he went to a wedding recently (with his latest gf I'm sure) & he said that it made him think how it's too bad that things didn't work out with us. Then, he asked me if I still want to marry him someday!! Is it just me or is that a TOTAL jerk thing to ask your exgf when you're currently with someone else?!? Also, he texted me recently & said don't worry about the money. I really don't care. I should have just said thanks & left it at that but then I (stupidly) said are you sure? Because if you really mean that, that would be fantastic & I really appreciate it. However, please make sure you really mean that because I don't want to be thinking I no longer owe you anything & then have you contact me however several weeks, months or a year down the road suddenly demanding the money as that wouldn't be fair to me. He then admitted he's actually not really sure whether or not he wants me to repay him (he's wealthy & doesn't really need the money). He said if I found out you married some other guy I'd probably be pretty pissed off & then I'd probably want my money back. I couldn't even believe he said that! So, clearly HE doesn't want to be with me/marry me but if god forbid I choose to move on with my life & marry some other guy he has a problem with that?? WTH? It would be a huge blessing to me if he out of the goodness of his heart decided that I didn't owe him the money anymore & if he actually MEANT it! However, it seems like he's not willing to do that because for 1 thing he's trying to use the "you might owe me money or maybe not" as a "tool" to manipulate me into continuing to stay in contact with him & stay on his "string"/back up list. So, I'd rather just send him the freaking money than have to deal with anymore of his wishy washy b.s. He just keeps ticking me off & upsetting me more & more. I REALLY need a break from this guy's bull****. I'm thinking about sending him one last text or a note in the mail basically letting him know that I will continue sending him regular payments in the mail until he's totally paid off but that I want zero further contact with him & to please not contact me AT ALL anymore unless it's to text me a different address that he wants the payments mailed to. Should I let him know WHY I want zero further contact or do you think it's not really necessary to tell him why? I want to keep the text and/or note short, simple & to the point without sending overly emotional but also send him a strong message that this "friendship" while he's dating&screwing isn't working for me anymore & that I'm done with him & his crap. Any advice on the best way to word this text/note would be GREAT! Edited May 26, 2012 by Trying2MoveOn
Philosoraptor Posted May 28, 2012 Posted May 28, 2012 Sounds like he still wants a bit of control over you. I'd pay it off when you can and wipe my hands clean of this mess.
Gulf-Delta Posted May 28, 2012 Posted May 28, 2012 My exbf broke up with me just under 2 years ago, and he's basically been jerking me around ever since then. Like repeatedly saying he wants to be with me/reconcile but then turning right around & starting to date someone else the second I even hint that I might be willing to reconcile with him. Now I'm at the point where I'm just so fed up with crap & don't want to talk to him at all. Well, at least a small part of me wants to reconcile but since I still have no reason to think HE is serious about wanting to reconcile with me, I'd rather not talk to him at all. I certainly don't want to be just friends with him while he's running around dating and screwing other girls. So, I've been trying to do complete NC with him. I did mess up & talk to him recently then went right back to strict NC again. After one week NC on both our parts, he started trying to talk to me again yesterday (3 phone calls & 3 texts) and I ignored him. I stupidly borrowed money from him not that long ago as I was going through a really rough patch money wise. So, I have no choice really but to be in touch with him since I do owe him money. However, I feel like I owe him money but after the way he's treated me the past few years, I certainly don't owe him anything else like being available to chit chat on the phone with him, reassure him that his "safety net" girl is still there for him, etc. I'm trying my very best to stick with ONLY talking to him in regards to the $ I owe him and I don't want him to somehow manipulate me into having to talk to him & that's what it feels like he's trying to do. Today he's texted me several times. I ignored the first few texts he sent but then ended up texting him. Here's how our text convo went: HIM: I need to talk with u. Please call me. ME: If it's about the $ I owe u, text me with any questions u have & I will be more than happy 2 discuss it with u via text. Otherwise, please don't contact me. HIM: Well I will call u later. ME: I can just as easily address any questions or concerns u have about the $ via email so if that's what u want 2 discuss, just text me please. HIM: I don't trust texts. I will call u. ME: Like I said b4, I will send u some $ as soon as I get my tax refund. I don't want 2 talk 2 u unless it's specifically in regards 2 the $ I owe u. I know I already told u that recently. HIM: I just want to talk. ME: I already told u I will send u $ once I get my tax refund& then I'll keep sending u $ til ur totally paid off. What more do you need to know about it? HIM: I will call u later. (After starting to get really annoyed that he was completely ignoring my preference to talk via text only & only if it's about the I owe him I said....) ME: Well u can have fun talking to my answering machine then. HIM: Why are u always like this? (A short while later...) HIM: Aww What do you guys think is the best way to handle this? Just from here on out go back to total NC unless he specifically asks about the money I owe him & then respond? Do you guys think since I owe him $ and he apparently would rather talk on the phone I should agree to talk to him on the phone but let him know in advance via text that the very second he starts getting off track and trying to talk anything other than "business" with me, I will immediately hang up no him & then actually hang up on him if/when he starts talking about anything other than the money I owe him?? Or, should I hold firm in my position that I will discuss the money with him via text only? I owe him a fairly large amount of money and so the last thing I want to do is get him all pissed off at me. On the other hand, I don't want to be manipulated into HAVING to talk to him on the phone. This is especially true if it turns out that all he wants to do is chit chat since whenever I talk to him just to realize that nothings changed & he still isn't serious about reconciling, I end up feeling really unhappy all over again. If you owe him money and don't want anything to do with him, send him a money order or something.
Renard99 Posted May 29, 2012 Posted May 29, 2012 I'd continue they way you did with that text conversation you posted. Continue to say that you don't want to talk about anything other that the money you owe him and continue to insist on text or email only. Ignore anything else. If he continues to want to know "Why are you always like this?" you have the option of saying to him that his behavior is upsetting you........ but, beware that having told him why, he may have more come backs, therefore extending the 'non-business' talks further. He also may try harder to reconcile with you but at this point.... is it what you really want considering what his behavior is like currently?
shayla Posted May 29, 2012 Posted May 29, 2012 Send him your regular payments, save all the money order receipts, you don't have to say anything to him. He seems to enjoy jerking your chain, do yourself a favor and don't talk to him any more.
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