gyrkinlens Posted March 14, 2012 Posted March 14, 2012 Hey all, I wasn't sure of where to post this, but this forum seems appropriate enough. I'm sort of at a loss with what to do with myself, and I need some advice, or something. Anything. So, here's the deal. My girlfriend and I broke up in July of last year (a long time ago, I know). We had been together since March of 2008. Our lives were going in different directions, with her returning to school and trying to 'find herself' or whatever, and me finishing up college and trying to get into a Ph.D program. It's more complicated than this, but the idea was that we'd split, do our own thing for a while, and maybe hypothetically get back together at some point down the road. Sounded great in theory, our relationship wasn't in the best shape at that point (wasn't terrible, but it definitely seen better days) and perhaps some separation would be good. So, we went to opposite sides of the state, and, probably predictably, she pulled herself away for good and decided that anything down the road probably wasn't likely. I was left out trying to deal with a father back at home during my 'gap year' who was battling leukemia, thinking that my 'temporary' ex and best friend was just that, had some sort of interest in continuing any type of relationship, but she changed her mind. So, of course, that made me feel like a piece of dung for months. I still do. As time has gone on, it's become increasingly obvious that she wants no piece of me in her life at all, forever, and that any chance of us even speaking to one another as friends isn't going to happen...because she has no interest in my existence, apparently. Here's the problem; we were not only big time high school and college sweethearts, but best friends. I've been in love with her since I was 16, while we didn't date until I was 19. I'm 23 now. Seven years of my life I was either pining after this person, or with them. We were each other's firsts in all sense of the word. First sexual encounters. First loves. For me, she was even my first girlfriend, period. And this was big time, super serious, sustained head-over-heels type love we're talking here. It was generally accepted we were going to get old and die together. We talked about getting married and having kids very unhypothetically. The notion of us even being apart, let alone broken up, was inconceivable. So now that it appears as though things are permanently down the toilet because I apparently wasn't the catch I thought I was, I'm left with the inevitable task of moving onto someone else. Problem. I've only been with my ex. I'm a 23 year old male, and I've only had one girlfriend, one love, one sexual partner. The worst part is that, admittedly, shamefully, I am persistently, possibly incurably, awful at sex. I'm faced with what appears to be an insurmountable issue in which all my peers/competition have been spending their early twenties getting very adept sexually, romantically, etc....and I have not. I don't know what to do because I've only known what it was like to date one person, sleep with one person (poorly). What chance do I have in the dating world when I have no skills accumulated and no self-confidence? Does anybody else have this issue? Did anyone else bank on 'forever' and shoot themselves in the foot by becoming romantically and sexually obsolete in the process? How am I supposed to start a new relationship, when I'm 23, and this is the first time I've had to do so? I have no idea what it's like to date as an adult. My only courtship experience is months of awkward, secretive fumbling as a teenager with the same awkward person, who was just as clueless as me. Now I'm expected to KNOW my way around, and I don't. Please, direct me on what to do if you can, or to resources. I need to become at least moderately decent sexually overnight, as impossible of a task that may be. Is this possible? I just need a way to pick up the tools I missed out on before I can even think about having anything resembling a relationship, physical or otherwise.
xKitty Posted March 14, 2012 Posted March 14, 2012 I think you do not need to force yourself to "learn" how to be good in bed... I am a girl and i was HORRIBLE in bed with my ex BF, i refused to sleep with him. He understands and let me have my time. If a girl loves you enough she would be willing to assist you or explore your world with you. Experience plays a good role here. No one is born to be a sex king.... Dont feel too bad about yourself. Sex isnt everything in a relationship
Philosoraptor Posted March 14, 2012 Posted March 14, 2012 You sound like a beaten person. You've got no experience? So what, you can get it. Just go out there and start talking to people. We all botch things at the start and even the most experienced people look like an idiot at times. Don't worry so much about it and just try to have fun.
lastresort Posted March 14, 2012 Posted March 14, 2012 You will be fine. I am in my late 30's and have only been with 5 girls. I never thought I was a great lover. I am kind of weird that I only will sleep with a Girl that I feel I could have a long term relationship with and since my divorce I have had girls pretty much throw themselves at me. My gf now, well we may be broken up I'm not sure, says I'm the best she's been with. I really don't know what happened when I was with my wife I was a pretty bad lover but I think I ha fallen out of love and didn't care about pleasing her. Now with this girl I can last forever and she is amazing. Maybe your partner wasn't the right one for you. After my experience with this girl I seem to think it matters on how well you get along with your partner and how open you are about your needs. I was never open about what I wanted to try and now that I am open about it it seems I have the ability to be a great lover. Your 23 you are just beginning your life my friend. Go out and have a good time you will find the right partner.
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