xKitty Posted March 14, 2012 Posted March 14, 2012 Story in a nutshell: I cheated on my partner with my ex boyfriend who was overseas. Reason was because my partner treated me like hell. My partner tells me that the ex GF is better than me, and that it will take time before my partner will love me like she loved her ex. Yes, my partner is a GIRL and my ex was a BOY. My ex and I had a stable relationship but when I met the girl I started to drift away from him. He hurt me alot when we broke up in the past and left my country. The girl always expects me to cook and help her with her daily stuffs (like paying bills, calling phone companies) and is really short tempered. If the food i cook is cold she would get mad, if the sun is too hot she would get mad at me. Not once would she say a simple "thank you" to me. But, she is sweet to me at times and when shes in a good mood she treats me like she really cares. My ex BF is the type who wouldn't talk much. If he doesnt like something he wouldnt say it out. He lets me have my way and I never trust him. In a nutshell, the girl found out i had a bf and was upset with me and furious (obviously) but also let her rethink how she treated me. I had a tough decision to who I should choose and in the end my boyfriend broke up with me so I am with the girl now. But she NEVER trusts me no matter what I do even if I stay on the phone with her. She hits me physically and I feel like I'm going insane. I was looking for jobs for her and she feels I am chatting with someone and tells me to "F out" of her life all the time. ALways tells me I'm just a big liar and how she can never trust "someone like me". She calls me a slutty whore and say that I deserve this kind of treatment because I have lied in the past. I tried to do my best to be with her whenever she wants me. She would tell me she doesnt want to be on the phone but I still have to BEG her to stay on or else she would be upset and mad saying I dont care enough or that I am flirting with other people when I am not. It is really stressing me out. I made one mistake, and Im paying for it? I feel like im being tortured. Everyone tells me I made a mistake but I made up for it already because I have done all that I can but she still doesnt trust me and puts me down. I feel so inferior to her and I am scared i do or say anything wrong. Even when i wanted my own time and space to maybe just do my work Im afraid to hang up on her.
minee Posted March 14, 2012 Posted March 14, 2012 Your story has all these red flags everywhere. Honey, you cheated on her for a reason. Granted there really is no excuse for cheating, but i'm sure there was an emotional void that you tried to fill. It sounds like you weren't too happy in the relationship to begin with. I suggest you cut your ties with your partner and move on. Why would you want to spend all your time trying to be in a relationship where you're unhappy. Of course there are the good moments. But ask yourself, do the good moments outweigh the bad moments? Does your partner want to work on the relationship with you? Because the way things are going, you're only hurting and damaging yourself in the long run.
Author xKitty Posted March 14, 2012 Author Posted March 14, 2012 (edited) Your story has all these red flags everywhere. Honey, you cheated on her for a reason. Granted there really is no excuse for cheating, but i'm sure there was an emotional void that you tried to fill. It sounds like you weren't too happy in the relationship to begin with. I suggest you cut your ties with your partner and move on. Why would you want to spend all your time trying to be in a relationship where you're unhappy. Of course there are the good moments. But ask yourself, do the good moments outweigh the bad moments? Does your partner want to work on the relationship with you? Because the way things are going, you're only hurting and damaging yourself in the long run. Hi Minee, thanks for the reply... the logical part of me understands that I shouldnt stay in a relationship that is emotionally stressful. But the way she make me feel is that she cares about me and that everything is my fault. I feel like I have a tug-of-war inside my brain as to what I am feeling. I should leave because she is making me go insane? Or I should stay and make things better because we are happy together without these communication problems? I can't seem to find a way to "wake myself up" and I have been really stressed until I posted here on this forum to talk to someone about it. I thank you again. EDIT: Also, she always sound like she doesn't care about the relationship, tells me to leave, says "lets just be friends" and when I dont call or when I call her back she say I dont care enough. That I dont have to "follow what she says" ... Edited March 14, 2012 by xKitty Added details
minee Posted March 14, 2012 Posted March 14, 2012 She sounds like she is emotionally pushing you away. This means that even though physically you guys may be together, the relationship may already be over for her.. breaking up is never easy. But I know deep down in your heart, you deserve better. You know you deserve better than what you are getting which is why you are on the forum. Breaking up is never easy, but you know and I know that this relationship isn't healthy. Either you two can try and work on it together (which it doesn't seem like she really wants to) or you're going to keep hurting yourself. Until both of you come to a compromise and communicate to each other what it is you truly want from each other, the relationship will never be good.
Author xKitty Posted March 14, 2012 Author Posted March 14, 2012 She sounds like she is emotionally pushing you away. This means that even though physically you guys may be together, the relationship may already be over for her.. breaking up is never easy. But I know deep down in your heart, you deserve better. You know you deserve better than what you are getting which is why you are on the forum. Breaking up is never easy, but you know and I know that this relationship isn't healthy. Either you two can try and work on it together (which it doesn't seem like she really wants to) or you're going to keep hurting yourself. Until both of you come to a compromise and communicate to each other what it is you truly want from each other, the relationship will never be good. She tells me she cares for me because she is "still talking to me" even after what ive done. She said she would have ignored me a long time ago if she doesnt care. She calls me back SOMETIMES (today she did cuz she said i LIED when i was job searching) but rarely. Now she is having an emotional fit on me again cuz I got upset when i am not appreciated... I just need to know HOW to convince myself to leave. I need to put my head together and its not working ... ive been trying for a long long long time... and you are right, at times i DO feel i deserve better.. But most of them time I just feel like ****...
minee Posted March 14, 2012 Posted March 14, 2012 haha girl! I'm in the same position you are. After getting in contact with my ex, he's such a perfect man for me and I dont know how to get rid of it!! Well I am doing day 1 of NC with my man, so if you're up for it I'll be your buddy. We can keep tabs on each other and make sure we dont go back to the douchebagels.. UGH its so hard!! But i know this is what i need to do for myself. I dont want to miss an opportunity of finding mr right by being stuck with my douchebag ex.
Author xKitty Posted March 14, 2012 Author Posted March 14, 2012 I duno if i shud start NC...... I am afraid that she will call me and stuff... and to check her facebook all the time ... arg she just hang up on me asking me to do my own thing. It s a BAD sign cuz we always stay on the phone and that i AGREED to her hanging up would make it worse, so she hang up. ARG WHAT TO DO?
Eddie Edirol Posted March 14, 2012 Posted March 14, 2012 Kitty are you aware that there is another world where you can have a relationship with someone who wont manipulate you this way? Someone who will communicate like an adult, not put you down, all you have to do is look for them, and block this womans number so she can call you?
Author xKitty Posted March 14, 2012 Author Posted March 14, 2012 Kitty are you aware that there is another world where you can have a relationship with someone who wont manipulate you this way? Someone who will communicate like an adult, not put you down, all you have to do is look for them, and block this womans number so she can call you? I know...when I am confident I know I can do better, but when my emotions get the better of me I sank again, i feel the urge to check FaceBook and i HATE that... I am confident enough to say i look better and am more financially stable than the average girls that are my age with a good education degree. But I feel like **** still like I am stuck ...its been so long too and my family is worried about me; but I just cant seem to let go
zanzi Posted March 15, 2012 Posted March 15, 2012 she sounds horrible. Horrible for you anyway, you need to get rid of that one.
Chi townD Posted March 15, 2012 Posted March 15, 2012 I personally think (and don't take this the wrong way) that you have a hard time being alone. I also think that you should cut ties with Boy and girl and be single for a while...sort yourself out. You have WAY too much baggage and WAY too much stress. There's nothing wrong with being single and on your own for a while. Don't date anyone. period. Just be you and find out who you are and not wait for someone to tell you. Or are you a wh*re and a Sl*t? If the answer is no. Then, who are you?
Kitty84 Posted March 15, 2012 Posted March 15, 2012 Hey Kitty, I'm in a similar situation. My man sounds just like her - he's like the little girl who had the little curl. When he's good he's very very good and when he's bad he's horrid. I'm having difficulty figuring out if he's punishing me for my mistake or if he really just doesn't care
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