ellenblue22 Posted March 14, 2012 Posted March 14, 2012 Hi Everyone, I have been with my boyfriend for 9 years now and we are reaching the end of the road. He has been my only boyfriend, I started dating him when I was 15. I feel very dependent on him and am panicking at the thought that he won’t ever speak to me again. I don’t know how to cope with never talking/seeing him again. We have had a very unhealthy relationship, he is very emotionally abusive towards me (calling me names, which ive told him many times not to call me but he still does, he puts me down, has a very short temper and will blow up if I try to talk to him about how sad I feel that he treats me this way, he will blow up over anything and there is no stopping him). He tells me that he wont yell at me as long as I dont piss him off, which makes me feel like I am walking on egg shells and I have to keep all my thoughts and feelings inside. Clearly I can't do that and if I try to talk to him about my feelings, he will get so mad and tell me to stop being "annoying" . After a big fight, he will apologize and tell me he loves me, says he wants to marry me and will be super nice to me for a while but then if I do anything to piss him off, it will happen again. It is a very vicious cycle and has been going on for years. I am just so afraid of breaking up because he is the only person I speak to on a daily basis. I don’t have any close friends anymore and I feel very alone without him. He has plenty of friends and support, so I know he will be fine if we break up. I am really scared I will have a meltdown. Even though he treats me so badly I am still devastated at the thought of never speaking to him again. That’s how messed up my mind is . We had another big fight over the weekend and he doesn’t want to talk/see me anymore. I don’t either, I know this is soooo unhealthy and I want to end this cycle. I deserve way better but I just don’t know how to cope with it. I laid in bed all day and cried, I am so scared of falling into a deep depression because of this. I started seeing a counselor at my school last month because things were getting really bad between us and the fights were getting more aggressive. Counseling is not helping though, I still feel really depressed. I even called him begging him to take me back last night, I feel so pathetic, he just yelled at me more and told me to never contact him again and made me feel worse. I really hate this feeling. Which is why I am wondering if antidepressants could numb the pain of a break up? Has anyone tried it? Did it work? Or make it worse? I have never been on antidepressants so I don’t know if it will make me more depressed or actually help. I know that with time the pain will go away but I am scared I am going to fail my classes this quarter and next quarter because I feel so depressed about this breakup. I really do not care about my classes right now, and I know that is not good :/. If anyone has any tips, please let me know.
mymission Posted March 14, 2012 Posted March 14, 2012 I've not taken any because of a break up. There was something else that was on my mind and I was obsessing and constantly thinking of it. They can make you feel quite numb and emotionless. But they're amazing for relieving your mind and stopping you from obsessing all the time.
Author ellenblue22 Posted March 14, 2012 Author Posted March 14, 2012 Thank you so much for your reply! I am really considering it, I really feel obsessed thinking about him and would really love to feel no emotions at the moment. Which antidepressant did you take? and for how long?
mymission Posted March 14, 2012 Posted March 14, 2012 No problem! Citalopram 20mg for about 5-6 months.
budley12 Posted March 14, 2012 Posted March 14, 2012 I am in the same boat. I feel so depressed and am thinking about talking to dr about it but I dont want to become a zombie. But all i do is obsess and think about my ex and what we had
Feelin Frisky Posted March 14, 2012 Posted March 14, 2012 Hi ellen, My antidepressant really saved my life--many times over I think. I tell you a little about it but no good medication will deliver a miracle in a short time for type of hard time it seems you been through. I went the therapy route first too and I found it frustrating--like I would just finally start to get somewhere and then the time would be up and I'd have to leave and sit with it for another week. I finally read about what SSRI antidepressants like Prozac and the one the other poster mentioned which is also called Celexa, do an I realized that I had the pattern of rethinking my hurt and amplifying it that the medicine help overcome. I still take it years later (Prozac) because it helps me be emotionally disciplined and able to disengage rather than over-react so that I can sought myself out and decide what my feelings should be. But life still has hard knocks and disappointment and betrayal still hurt. My anti-depressant helps me get a hold of myself and land on my feet no matter what. It's important to see a psychiatrist and get a good medication. Be careful to stay away from "sedatives" because they feel instantly good but create addiction and don't help strengthen your coping skills. Insist on an SSRI medication and be aware that YOU ARE IN CHARGE of your progress--not the doctor. That means you must speak up if the medication takes you in a direction you feel unhappy with. He or she should be willing to change to something else. There are warnings about SSRI meds as well as others and increased thoughts of suicide, that is why you must go into it knowing that it's critical for you to speak up and direct your doctor to address your symptoms. From what you said in your OP however, it sounds like you need more than medicine and therapy--you need real change and support.. Can you turn to anyone IRL to help you break this compulsion to return to the abusive relationship? With medicine and a new routine with new people you will give yourself an excellent chance to salvage what's left of your life and find those or someone who will be kind and considerate to you. Clearly the man you were with is emotionally illiterate and hurtful and no one should have to put up with that. Good luck and stay in touch if we can help.
BMZMJ Posted March 14, 2012 Posted March 14, 2012 Okay I have tried smoking marijuana and while it makes me think about the break up (like it really hits me) I am able to think about it in such a calm manner that it actually relaxes me...Like I dont feel angry dont know - just a thought
mymission Posted March 14, 2012 Posted March 14, 2012 Problem is its no quick fix. Mine did take about 6 weeks to kick in. I'm assuming other ones would be similar
Feelin Frisky Posted March 14, 2012 Posted March 14, 2012 I am in the same boat. I feel so depressed and am thinking about talking to dr about it but I dont want to become a zombie. But all i do is obsess and think about my ex and what we had Please put that "zombie" myth to sleep. That comes from the days when they treated extremely mentally ill with "anti-psychotics" which made them incapable of hurting themselves or others. Today's anti-depressants and even light antipsychotics like Seroquel are nothing like the old zombie meds. As I advised ellen, there is a chance that some doctors may still prescribe "sedatives" (like Xanax and Valium) and those are analogous to a martini in a pill. They are addictive and meant to quell a panic attack--not be taken as a therapy for depression and anxiety. The proper meds today for depression and anxiety are the SSRIs which help the brain become a more fine-tuned electrochemical engine. None of us are perfect and all of us have the capacity for extremely deeply felt emotion. A well-tuned brain is the best way to sort one's self out and that's what SSRI's are for. They should be transparent--meaning you don't feel their presence in your system. There effectiveness is noticed when you look at yourself after a while and ask yourself if you are falling into the old traps or are you better able to focus and stop going sideways into these private theaters of hurt and worry. Good luck to you too and post again if you try.
Author ellenblue22 Posted March 14, 2012 Author Posted March 14, 2012 Thank you everyone for all the advice. I am going to schedule an appt tmrw to see if I can get on an antidepressant. I know it will take a few weeks to take effect? but as long as it takes effect and calms me down then I do feel it is worth it. I really don't feel like I can cope on my own. I am not that strong at the moment. I know I should have a stronger social network for support but I really isolated myself from my friends over the years. I hope that will change, especially once i feel more "normal" and like my old happy self again..i hope!. Thank you everyone, I really appreciate it.
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