Mr. Slim Posted March 14, 2012 Posted March 14, 2012 Simple question: At age 38 (me) is it realistic to expect to find a woman that still doesn't have kids? It's generally been a pretty strict dating rule for me, but I am starting to lose hope. I'm also generally finding that when women get to a certain age and haven't had any kids, it's usually because they don't want any (whether they realize it or not). They will say they are some manner of undecided, but how can you be 35 and not know? Thoughts? 1
pteromom Posted March 14, 2012 Posted March 14, 2012 Sure.... Are you wanting to find a woman who WANTS kids, or a woman who doesn't have any and doesn't want any? Either way, you should be able to find what you are looking for. Just be honest and upfront about it. And I know 35 year olds who still are unsure about kids. There are those of us who know without doubt that we want to be moms, and there are others who are on the fence - there are pros and cons to it!
mickleb Posted March 14, 2012 Posted March 14, 2012 Simple question: At age 38 (me) is it realistic to expect to find a woman that still doesn't have kids? It's generally been a pretty strict dating rule for me, but I am starting to lose hope. I'm also generally finding that when women get to a certain age and haven't had any kids, it's usually because they don't want any (whether they realize it or not). They will say they are some manner of undecided, but how can you be 35 and not know? Thoughts? First of all, hi. Secondly, if an older woman is undecided, it's because it takes two to make a baby. I doubt I'll be having any but, I guess, there's still time for someone amazing to make my hormones change their minds on that. I know I can adopt or, even better, foster kids if he doesn't appear in time. So, I may have kids when I'm 65. And I may have them alone. 1
Ruby Slippers Posted March 14, 2012 Posted March 14, 2012 I'm 35, single, and I want kids, so it's definitely possible. And my ideal age range for a partner is 35-40. The reason I haven't already had kids is that I didn't think any of the men I was with were the right match for me, and/or would be great husbands and fathers. Maybe my standards were too high, but that's how I felt at the time. 1
kaylan Posted March 14, 2012 Posted March 14, 2012 Dude you need to look up some stats. By a certain age over 80 to 90% of all women will have had a child. At 38 you cant be too picky about that. Sorry.
CarrieT Posted March 14, 2012 Posted March 14, 2012 I am 47 and never had (nor desired) kids. We are out there... On the dating sites, I would only date older men whose kids were already grown and on their own or who never had kids. Only recently did I start dating a man who has children which was a complete 180 from my previous modus operandi.
El Brujo Posted March 14, 2012 Posted March 14, 2012 One of the reasons I got sick of OLD is because I attracted women who were 2 to 10 years older than me, who ALL HAD KIDS. But then I guess if someone ever shot me up with estrogen, my brain cells would change and I'd start wanting kids...
Author Mr. Slim Posted March 14, 2012 Author Posted March 14, 2012 Sure.... Are you wanting to find a woman who WANTS kids, or a woman who doesn't have any and doesn't want any? Yes, I should have made that clear. I want them to want at least one kid. Actually, probably just one. I don't want to be an ancient dad myself.
Author Mr. Slim Posted March 14, 2012 Author Posted March 14, 2012 Dude you need to look up some stats. By a certain age over 80 to 90% of all women will have had a child. At 38 you cant be too picky about that. Sorry. Fair enough, maybe I need the dose of realism.
Author Mr. Slim Posted March 14, 2012 Author Posted March 14, 2012 One of the reasons I got sick of OLD is because I attracted women who were 2 to 10 years older than me, who ALL HAD KIDS. But then I guess if someone ever shot me up with estrogen, my brain cells would change and I'd start wanting kids... But see, the problem is that women over 30 without kids is such a narrow range of the population you almost have to use OLD to find them. In "real life" I am pretty youngish, able to pass for 30-32 no problem. But I can't really find the women that age. In OLD, there are actually a decent amount of early 30s women still, but I think when they are still that young they probably feel they have options still and will pass on someone 38. Whereas in "real life" you can make an impression on someone and they won't worry about age as much. Maybe I'm wrong, but that's how it seems. Then when you get to the 35s and up who would date me, things get really scarce... argh!
jobaba Posted March 14, 2012 Posted March 14, 2012 Simple question: At age 38 (me) is it realistic to expect to find a woman that still doesn't have kids? It's generally been a pretty strict dating rule for me, but I am starting to lose hope. I'm also generally finding that when women get to a certain age and haven't had any kids, it's usually because they don't want any (whether they realize it or not). They will say they are some manner of undecided, but how can you be 35 and not know? Thoughts? In NYC and California, there's tons. A bunch of my college friends are single and have never been married and so are a bunch of my friends in the NYC area. Not only that, there's tons of people who NEVER want to have kids. In other places, I'm not so sure.
goldengirl11 Posted March 14, 2012 Posted March 14, 2012 (edited) But see, the problem is that women over 30 without kids is such a narrow range of the population you almost have to use OLD to find them. In "real life" I am pretty youngish, able to pass for 30-32 no problem. But I can't really find the women that age. In OLD, there are actually a decent amount of early 30s women still, but I think when they are still that young they probably feel they have options still and will pass on someone 38. Whereas in "real life" you can make an impression on someone and they won't worry about age as much. Maybe I'm wrong, but that's how it seems. Then when you get to the 35s and up who would date me, things get really scarce... argh! I'm in my early thirties, single with no kids, but would like them when I meet the right match. I agree with you about the age pickiness on-line, as have noticed it when quite often preferring men a little younger than me, say a couple of years. Perhaps because I am trying to avoid baggage too! Whereas if you meet potential partners initially in person, age doesn't seem to be as much an issue. Edited March 14, 2012 by goldengirl11
JesseJames Posted March 14, 2012 Posted March 14, 2012 Well you're still youthful, go after those twenty-somethings? Well it does not take two to tango and the person that said that is probably my worst enemy as there's in vitro, and to say this technology doesn't exist really really ticks me off. Well the thirty-somethings without kids I do come across are aged poorly and extremely demanding... almost always batsnot crazy. Entirely picky and pushy. Well it sounds like combing over the whole country or world isn't a bad idea either. Well there you go. It's time for unorthodox plans of action for you perhaps.
laotzu Posted March 14, 2012 Posted March 14, 2012 But see, the problem is that women over 30 without kids is such a narrow range of the population you almost have to use OLD to find them. In "real life" I am pretty youngish, able to pass for 30-32 no problem. But I can't really find the women that age. In OLD, there are actually a decent amount of early 30s women still, but I think when they are still that young they probably feel they have options still and will pass on someone 38. Whereas in "real life" you can make an impression on someone and they won't worry about age as much. Maybe I'm wrong, but that's how it seems. Then when you get to the 35s and up who would date me, things get really scarce... argh! Listen, I dated a lot of girls in the past year, and slept with a few. Let me say something - and other guys out there, listen up: your 28 - 35 age women will date a guy who's 40yrs old without batting an eye. I asked all of them, many times, probably four - five girls right around 32, and they would all date a 40yr old guy without batting an eyelid. This tells me that if you're at that age range, single, successful, and okay looking, you can date almost anywhere from 30 - 45. It was one of the most important things I ever learned.
FitChick Posted March 14, 2012 Posted March 14, 2012 I asked all of them, many times, probably four - five girls right around 32, and they would all date a 40yr old guy without batting an eyelid. It was one of the most important things I ever learned. There is only an eight year difference. People get hung up on numbers, especially ones with "0" on the end. If you are an age with a "9" and the next day it turns to a "0" do you suddenly look decrepit? Would anyone bat an eye if the man or woman was 28 and the other person was 36? Think, people!
Author Mr. Slim Posted March 14, 2012 Author Posted March 14, 2012 There is only an eight year difference. People get hung up on numbers, especially ones with "0" on the end. If you are an age with a "9" and the next day it turns to a "0" do you suddenly look decrepit? Would anyone bat an eye if the man or woman was 28 and the other person was 36? Think, people! As I said, offline I do believe this is true. But I've noticed that in OLD as I get farther (lower) from my age, my response rate plummets. Online, I just don't think very many women are going to respond to men 8-10 years older than them. I think they are game if they meet a guy in person and they are attracted or he has a youthful vibe or something. I'm probably going to have to find a way to make it work offline... even though all of my friends are long since married and my social network has shrunk to nearly zero.
FitChick Posted March 14, 2012 Posted March 14, 2012 How much time have you spent with children? What ages were they? How do you know you could have one around all the time and be financially, legally and emotionally responsible for it? Most people are clueless when it comes to kids. I called a friend today and could barely hear her over the screaming of her 3 year old and 6 year old fighting and they kept grabbing the phone. I hung up thanking my lucky stars that I never had kids. Why don't you get a dog to practice on? If you can't handle the time, effort and money it takes, don't have kids. After all, you can't take the kid to the pound if you get tired of it.
Author Mr. Slim Posted March 14, 2012 Author Posted March 14, 2012 How much time have you spent with children? What ages were they? How do you know you could have one around all the time and be financially, legally and emotionally responsible for it? Most people are clueless when it comes to kids. I called a friend today and could barely hear her over the screaming of her 3 year old and 6 year old fighting and they kept grabbing the phone. I hung up thanking my lucky stars that I never had kids. Why don't you get a dog to practice on? If you can't handle the time, effort and money it takes, don't have kids. After all, you can't take the kid to the pound if you get tired of it. Ha! No, I'm quite certain I want children... absolutely love my two nieces and my cousins' kids too. Don't get me wrong, it was never my goal to be an early parent... always intended to delay until after 30. But like a lot of people, got caught holding the bag when a long-term relationship in my thirties didn't work out. But you know, there's always an excuse. Bottom line is, I didn't take the task seriously enough when I did turn up on the other side of 30. Oh, and I would much rather be childless than have a kid with the wrong person... you can be sure of that. 1
Nightsky Posted March 14, 2012 Posted March 14, 2012 Mr. Slim young women are easy to get especialy if you appear early 30's even if you were in fact 100 years old. Stay away from the OLD and grow a little more self esteem. Good luck.
ja123 Posted March 14, 2012 Posted March 14, 2012 Ha! No, I'm quite certain I want children... absolutely love my two nieces and my cousins' kids too. Don't get me wrong, it was never my goal to be an early parent... always intended to delay until after 30. But like a lot of people, got caught holding the bag when a long-term relationship in my thirties didn't work out. But you know, there's always an excuse. Bottom line is, I didn't take the task seriously enough when I did turn up on the other side of 30. Oh, and I would much rather be childless than have a kid with the wrong person... you can be sure of that. I hear ya! In any case, you can find someone who is 28-40 without kids, but you may have to try OLD.
GildedLily Posted March 14, 2012 Posted March 14, 2012 But see, the problem is that women over 30 without kids is such a narrow range of the population you almost have to use OLD to find them. In "real life" I am pretty youngish, able to pass for 30-32 no problem. But I can't really find the women that age. In OLD, there are actually a decent amount of early 30s women still, but I think when they are still that young they probably feel they have options still and will pass on someone 38. Whereas in "real life" you can make an impression on someone and they won't worry about age as much. Maybe I'm wrong, but that's how it seems. Then when you get to the 35s and up who would date me, things get really scarce... argh! This couldn't be more false^^^ you will most likely NOT find them on a dating site. I know I may ruffle a few feathers (sorry) but women in that age range with no kids and attractive, and otherwise great catches do not NEED to be online dating. Its the women with a couple kids and 1-2 divorces that are online dating looking for a possible new father for their families. Speaking from experience, because i am single w/ no kids and in my early 30's I online dated for about 2 mths and then meet tons of better prospects in real life, my two girlfriends are like me and still have dating options similar to when we were in our 20's. Having no kids, being slim and attractive and having our good careers has made us as good or better catches than when we were younger. 1
ascendotum Posted March 14, 2012 Posted March 14, 2012 But see, the problem is that women over 30 without kids is such a narrow range of the population you almost have to use OLD to find them. In "real life" I am pretty youngish, able to pass for 30-32 no problem. But I can't really find the women that age. In OLD, there are actually a decent amount of early 30s women still, but I think when they are still that young they probably feel they have options still and will pass on someone 38. Whereas in "real life" you can make an impression on someone and they won't worry about age as much. Maybe I'm wrong, but that's how it seems. Then when you get to the 35s and up who would date me, things get really scarce... argh! Sure there are plenty of women over 30 with no kids, but 'single' women over 30 with no kids is a bit different. I found the same as you did with OLD. With the ratio of M to F and the fact that slim women with no kids earky 30s know they have plenty of options allows them to have lower age limit on desired parther. (as GL said they dont need to rely on OLD) Most of the single dads I know were chasing the same market. As you said the options diminish each year, so consider yummy mommys with 1 who want more or better still don't rely on OLD where you dont have to qualify for the necessary requirements before talking to her. good luck.
fencesitter Posted March 14, 2012 Posted March 14, 2012 I'm 34, no kids because I haven't met their father yet. And if I don't, that's okay, too. I don't know about anyone else, but when I fall in love, it is with a person and not a number.
RedRobin Posted March 14, 2012 Posted March 14, 2012 As I said, offline I do believe this is true. But I've noticed that in OLD as I get farther (lower) from my age, my response rate plummets. Online, I just don't think very many women are going to respond to men 8-10 years older than them. I think they are game if they meet a guy in person and they are attracted or he has a youthful vibe or something. I'm probably going to have to find a way to make it work offline... even though all of my friends are long since married and my social network has shrunk to nearly zero. You are right... women who are your 'ideal' age range... in their thirties like you... do not like responding to men who are dipping into the 20's to find dates. When I did OLD, I made a point of avoiding men who posted more than 10 years below and refused to post a few years older than them. It was a mark of character for me. You may have more options if you open up your criteria to include the possibility of adoption. And women with kids? You may want to give them a shot. No better indicator of how she will be with your kids than seeing how she is with her own. You don't know what her situation is.
Author Mr. Slim Posted March 14, 2012 Author Posted March 14, 2012 You are right... women who are your 'ideal' age range... in their thirties like you... do not like responding to men who are dipping into the 20's to find dates. When I did OLD, I made a point of avoiding men who posted more than 10 years below and refused to post a few years older than them. It was a mark of character for me. Thanks for your thoughts. To be clear, I have no problems with my age or older if they are healthy and willing to give having a kid a shot. 35 would actually be perfect. Twenties would be ridiculous for me, too much of a generation gap.
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