Learning to walk. Posted March 13, 2012 Posted March 13, 2012 I'll try not to make this too long. My first post here so hello. I was married for 18 years to my husband, and we have been seperated and living apart for 4years. He is a good father and is always there for the children who are all in their teens. We have also maintained a relativley good working parent relationship, though with it's ups and downs. he even comes over at Christmas and family celebrations. I was not ready to marry him and was very needy but also wanted independence to go out and have fun, but no other men or relationships, just going out. He became depressed ,I suffered Post natal depression after my first child, which made us both resentful to each other and in time we did nothing but argue and put our kids and ourselves through hell.. Earlier this week we had a talk and we both know we do not want to be with anyone else but because of our past history we want to start being together but not live together ,as we feel it will not be fair on the kids if things go wrong again. We hope it won't and are taking things very slowly.We are hoping to spend a couple of hours to talk without the kids this weekend and take things slowly from there. I was just wondering if anyone is or has been in this situation and would it/did it work longterm. If we ever were to live together in the same house hold we are looking at a minimum of 4 years. Thanks for any advice you could give.
JasonRules Posted March 13, 2012 Posted March 13, 2012 I'll try not to make this too long. My first post here so hello. I was married for 18 years to my husband, and we have been seperated and living apart for 4years. He is a good father and is always there for the children who are all in their teens. We have also maintained a relativley good working parent relationship, though with it's ups and downs. he even comes over at Christmas and family celebrations. I was not ready to marry him and was very needy but also wanted independence to go out and have fun, but no other men or relationships, just going out. He became depressed ,I suffered Post natal depression after my first child, which made us both resentful to each other and in time we did nothing but argue and put our kids and ourselves through hell.. Earlier this week we had a talk and we both know we do not want to be with anyone else but because of our past history we want to start being together but not live together ,as we feel it will not be fair on the kids if things go wrong again. We hope it won't and are taking things very slowly.We are hoping to spend a couple of hours to talk without the kids this weekend and take things slowly from there. I was just wondering if anyone is or has been in this situation and would it/did it work longterm. If we ever were to live together in the same house hold we are looking at a minimum of 4 years. Thanks for any advice you could give. I will tell you one thing. If two people are COMMITTED to loving each other and being civilized and great parents then there should be no fear of failure. People who are afraid aren't sure of themselves. I don't think waiting 4 years to decide if you're going to live together is wise. As we say in my home country: A ripened fruit if not picked will eventually fall to the ground Have a heart felt talk, sit down, and tell each other what you want and are looking for. Nothing in life is guaranteed to be 100% beautiful all the time, but with a little effort it can be good most of the time.
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