xztjohn Posted March 13, 2012 Posted March 13, 2012 one thing that really irks me is that she accussed me of raping her and told her new bf that I raped her. Which is NOT true it pisses me off that she thinks that. She told me she had sex with the guy and I was taken back by it and I knew in my mind that it would be the last time I saw her so I asked her to come over. we were talking and my mind was ****ed up at the time, so we started getting close fast with a large part of me initiating and her responding and we did it. She never said don't do it or stop or said no at all. How can it be rape if she didnt seem to imply or say no? If she would have said NO stop then I would have. She knew what was gonna happen by coming to my place, so i think its a load of bs. Not only that she stayed over that night and left the next morning with her bf who was constantly messaging her. A part of me wants to email the dude and tell him the truth, but the past is the past now. Its been awhile since that incident. Her new bf hates me cause of it and told her to take it court. I think its a load of bs. I bet she never told him how she came over to my place one time and seduced me to have sex with her. SHe always make it make it seem like she is hte innocent one. I am totally in the wrong for that, but I don't think its rape what do you guys think?
TaraMaiden Posted March 13, 2012 Posted March 13, 2012 I'd go one better - i'd confront her at her house, with her BF present (take a witness) and tell her you are 100% willing to go to the police, and hand yourself in. If it mean prosecution, and going through court, you'd be happy to do that - but she must come with you as you hand yourself in and give a sworn statement. once she backs down and a million miles per hour - tell her if she continues to maintain your guilt - then you will sue her for slander, so she had better put people right. Then leave, go to a bar, and see what happens.
Nightsky Posted March 13, 2012 Posted March 13, 2012 True story about a girl I went out with. We had been going out months and then she accused me of raping her. Not to anybody like the police but just me as far as I know. We were still dating not like she was even breaking up with me. She was like you "raped" me the other night. I was like wtf. I said did I threaten you? She was like "no." I was like did you think I was going to physicaly hurt you or might hurt you... she said "no." I said were you scared... she was like "yes I was afraid we would get into a big arguement and felt I had no choice." I was like that is not rape, rape is not feeling like you're going to upset some one into arguing with you if you don't have sex... so might be one of those type situations where girls use the word rape in some insane way... Although what you are going through is much more seriouse. Look a bf/husband can rape his gf/wife but really short of you threatning her physicaly or hurting her or making her feel threatned in some real way like holding a knife or making a fist or punching things when you asked for the sex I don't see it being rape. Maybe it was her feeling like she had no choice but thats not your problem. I would just avoid emailing that guy could be used as guilt against you. If she gets you in trouble with work or starts ruining your life with this consider suing her. Otherwise I wouldn't tell anyone and hope this all just goes away. You know you didn't rape her and if the bf is the only one she tells you won't even have to worry about defending yourself to anyone so just don't tell anyone. If this goes past just telling her bf then you'll have to consider what to do next. So do you have details of how she says you raped her... I mean I wouldn't ask for them... but maybe it was mentioned. Like is she sugesting you beat her up and had sex... that you held a knife.... Or is she just being vague. Was she drunk?
Author xztjohn Posted March 13, 2012 Author Posted March 13, 2012 None of the above haha, i think she is a load of bs. basically came over to my place, she knew what we were gonna do. No one was home my mind is f'ed up went inside my room i took my clothes off then I took some of her clothes off, she took some of hers off as well. then we did it. She never said please stop, no, or anything of that sorts. we did it then cuddled after lol and she slept over that night.
BewitchedandBothered Posted March 13, 2012 Posted March 13, 2012 None of the above haha, i think she is a load of bs. basically came over to my place, she knew what we were gonna do. No one was home my mind is f'ed up went inside my room i took my clothes off then I took some of her clothes off, she took some of hers off as well. then we did it. She never said please stop, no, or anything of that sorts. we did it then cuddled after lol and she slept over that night. Sounds like she wants to stir the pot and get attention from the new guy.
JesseJames Posted March 13, 2012 Posted March 13, 2012 Get rapacious with her boyfriend so they both can feel that way.
leoc1973 Posted March 13, 2012 Posted March 13, 2012 just sounds like she got caught and didn't know what to tell her boyfriend. I will bet she will be back for more! Ya better video tape it next time ;-)
Chi townD Posted March 14, 2012 Posted March 14, 2012 Yeah, I don't know too many victims that would have a cuddle and a sleep over with their rapists...
Nightsky Posted March 14, 2012 Posted March 14, 2012 (edited) Yeah, I don't know too many victims that would have a cuddle and a sleep over with their rapists... I think a wife/gf ex gf could get raped by a guy and continue to be romantic with them. Obviously though an f'ed up situation. Had the OP come here saying she was my gf so I'm aloud to force her I'd be like wtf and it wouldn't matter if she was nice to him afterwards. Thing is the OP's story is that his ex is just lying so I'm not going to question that. Same way I wouldn't question it if an OP came here saying they were raped. My advice to the OP is to just ignore all of this. Seems like one of those odd situations where the gf is only going to tell her new bf. It would be a bad idea to stir up trouble about this because sadly even a false accusation can hurt a mans reputation. If he or she starts going around telling other people like friends, family, people in your comunity, your work than you may have to talk to a lawyer or something. Since she is now accusing you of rape if you do need to talk to her wich you shouldn't... do it with a witness around preferably a woman you arn't dating who isn't a family member. Some one who could be considered some what neutral and vouge you arn't further asaulting/threatning/raping her Edited March 14, 2012 by Nightsky
Author xztjohn Posted March 14, 2012 Author Posted March 14, 2012 So most of you agree with me right? I think she is manipulating him to make her seem innocent, she slept over and she texted him that there is no worries, that everything is okay lol. I am pretty candid about what I typed stating exactly what happened lol. Its better to leave it as it is right? Don't talk about it? Cause It could get really ugly I hope she didn't tell mutual friends about it that would really suck and I would have to defend myself.
Nightsky Posted March 14, 2012 Posted March 14, 2012 If what you are saying is true and you're not leaving out any details like you were holding a knife/gun, yelling violently, or punching around then of course we all agree you didn't rape her. The problem is it becomes a he said she said situation. Like I said you know you didn't rape her no matter what she thinks or is saying. If the only person she is telling this to is her bf and he's not telling other people I would just let this go. I mean you don't think the guy is going to come hurt/kill you do you? If you start arguing with this crazy girl about this it could just cause trouble for you. Even if its totaly false you don't want women out there saying you raped them. Boyfriends/ ex boyfriends do rape their gf/exgfs all the time, and vice versa lies like what you're saying do happen all the time... it just a messed up situation. Try to forget about it and it might go away. If some new developments happen like other people are being told this crap or your life is in danger either from this bf or criminaly you'll have to do something.
Frank13 Posted March 14, 2012 Posted March 14, 2012 She may just be saying this to hide the fact from her boyfriend that she cheated on him with you.
Author xztjohn Posted March 14, 2012 Author Posted March 14, 2012 yeah i mean what the hell if i did so called "rape you" why did you sleep over that night and made my bed the next morning hahahha. and no i didnt yell at her or held a gun. I think she is just saying that to convince herself and that guy that she is innocent and me the big bad wolf is to be blamed in all of this. The situation is really sticky best to avoid her at all costs right? she still contacts me unknown calls and random text messages like I hope you are happy and I hope you are doing well. This gives me further motivation to ignore her at all costs, I felt weak at times and almost considered respond to her contacts. I think I lose either way cause if she starts telling people I rape her it makes me look really really bad and we have same friends and they would think of me differently
TaraMaiden Posted March 14, 2012 Posted March 14, 2012 read my post again. call her out on it, follow through. that will shut her up. and show her in her true light to others.....
Taramere Posted March 14, 2012 Posted March 14, 2012 None of the above haha, i think she is a load of bs. basically came over to my place, she knew what we were gonna do. No one was home my mind is f'ed up went inside my room i took my clothes off then I took some of her clothes off, she took some of hers off as well. then we did it. She never said please stop, no, or anything of that sorts. we did it then cuddled after lol and she slept over that night. Talk us through how you found out that she told her bf you raped her.
smudge21 Posted March 14, 2012 Posted March 14, 2012 May be worth recording her next time you two talk when you ask her why she's doing this... It won't be evidence in court, but it would be enough to make her back down and show her new guy (who clearly is living in a little bubble if he truly believes any girl would "stay the night" with a guy who just raped her). More seriously though, I've seen these things kick off big time where it always ends up with the accused being named in the newspapers early on. Once that's happened, even if the case is thrown out, that person is forever labelled a rapist. I would seek legal advice instantly! It's truly not worth just sitting back, posting on LS and waiting to see what's going to happen. She's accused you of rape... she's one step away from getting you arrested... why are you hesitating?
Diamonds&Rust Posted March 14, 2012 Posted March 14, 2012 She's either a serious bitch with a huge problem who should be defending slander charges in court, or you really did rape her and should be very careful about your core beliefs about sex and consent and avoid situations like this in the future. I can't really tell. One of those things is right, though, I think.
Author xztjohn Posted March 14, 2012 Author Posted March 14, 2012 (edited) i was talking to her after a month of me ignoring her. we were talking and out of no where she says u know u raped that might right? i could have pressed charges on you. at the time my mind didnt process that i raped her so i basically ignored it cause i didnt want to get in a verbal argument with her. and she said she told her bf about what happened that night. i think as long as i continue to leave her alone and completely block her out of my life she would have no need to bring the law in hand. plus if she did what evidence does she have? its the defamation im worried about. she contacts me randoly from time to time so its prob best to completely ignore her forever right? i dont think she will do it, i think in her mind she convinced herself that i raped her and told her bf cause he was asking why she was over there last night (they live together) so that he would not leave her. man break ups can get so messy and ugly. Edited March 14, 2012 by xztjohn
smudge21 Posted March 14, 2012 Posted March 14, 2012 So when you are finally dragged into a police station and you protest your innocence, when they ask "why didn't you do something about it the moment she accused you?", what are you going to reply with? That you thought it best to ignore her, afterall, she's only accusing you of a crime that carries a high penalty of many years in jail... Seriously, get your head screwed on and see this for what it is. You either did it and now you're wanting to block it away, or you're innocent and you're still too much in love with her to allow yourself to think that she'd ever take it that far! Let me ask, if someone had said they saw you robbing a store or shooting someone, would you just sit back and leave it to? Personally, I'd be stressing big time and looking for any support I can, whether it be the police or a lawyer.
Author xztjohn Posted March 14, 2012 Author Posted March 14, 2012 (edited) she said this 2 months ago. that incident happene liken3 weeks prior to that. i barely talk to her ever since. plus what am i supposed to do? for some reason it really hit me now that she accussed me of raping her, so i wanna see what i need to do in case something does happen. Edited March 14, 2012 by xztjohn
TaraMaiden Posted March 14, 2012 Posted March 14, 2012 I TOLD YOU WHAT TO DO!! you seem more freakin' concerned with what we think, than the potential collateral damage this could do! If she is still maintaining to others that you raped her - and you are absolutely sure your actions cannot be construed as such - you need to do something about it! quit making small talk and confront her - this is your future reputation on the line!
Taramere Posted March 14, 2012 Posted March 14, 2012 Make sure you've kept all records of her contacting you. I would send her one final message along the lines of "despite making serious and totally unfounded allegations against me, you seem determined to try to stay friends with me. Nobody who would make such vicious, defamatory comments about me is my friend. It's sad for you that you need to stoop to that behaviour to get attention, but even sadder for other people who get caught in the crossfire. Don't contact me again." In other words, assertively defensive but not attacking. If she were to contact you after that, I'd look at getting a restraining order. This person is a loose cannon, and is probably just looking for you to make any kind of aggressive gesture towards her...so I think your instincts about avoiding dealing with it in a full on confrontational style are very valid. However, you do need to have some kind of record of her contacting you in an effort to preserve this friendship and you telling her that you don't want her friendship in light of the lies she's told about you.
oldguy Posted March 14, 2012 Posted March 14, 2012 (edited) I'd go one better - i'd confront her at her house, with her BF present (take a witness) and tell her you are 100% willing to go to the police, and hand yourself in. If it mean prosecution, and going through court, you'd be happy to do that - but she must come with you as you hand yourself in and give a sworn statement. once she backs down and a million miles per hour - tell her if she continues to maintain your guilt - then you will sue her for slander, so she had better put people right. Then leave, go to a bar, and see what happens. There is a flaw with this approach; What if she doesn't back down because he forces her hand, especially in front of the bf & she goes along with this. Best case scenario might be no better than; it gets into open court, charges are dismissed but its now in the public & his life will never be the same, some people will always wonder if he just got away with something. I think before confronting anyone or going to the police, now might be the time for legal counsel. What bothers me about his story is; He is upset she had sex with this other guy & invites her to his place. Then he says, "she knew what was going to happen". He say that in front of a jury & I'm afraid they are not going to be very sympathetic. She slept with the other guy & so he wanted to sleep with her, "one last time", sort of like revenge sex? In any case, having sex with her, "one last time", was just stupid. He knew what was going to happen but how does he know she did? He didn't. There are two sides to every page & while it doesn't sound like rape from his account, it doesn't sound perfectly innocent either. Now isn't the time to get assertive & do something else that is... ill advised, now is the time to get a lawyer. I would also advise him to watch his back. "No matter how big you are, no matter how tough you are, there are always 3 guys who are cumulatively bigger & tougher". And little will do more to insight rage than the accusation of rape, which is why this is very serious. Edited March 14, 2012 by oldguy 4
TaraMaiden Posted March 14, 2012 Posted March 14, 2012 i agree with you - i was just attempting to assess the severity of the issue in the op's mind... still not sure, even now....
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