starla33 Posted March 13, 2012 Posted March 13, 2012 So i was just told by a guy I recently went out with (after I told him i'm not looking for friends or casual as it seemed this is how he was treating me for some reason). He said he couldn't tell if I liked him or not at the start of our date. Yet we kissed at the end, but by that point he had already started treating me as a friend I guess and he basically ruined it as I did like him, but am not about to be all over someone on a first date. Massive fail
ComMan Posted March 13, 2012 Posted March 13, 2012 "Treat women like dirt and they will stick to you like mud." - Wise Man You did not have to be all over him. ALL you had to do, is touch here and there doting the Date. Wile you talk, pet him on a shoulder, be affectionate.
kaylan Posted March 13, 2012 Posted March 13, 2012 Not his fault you didnt show enough interest. Its not about being all over someone...its about giving guys the right signs so they know whats up. Plenty of men and women have kissed someone on a date and had them flake out on them. Making out doesnt always mean something. 1
veggirl Posted March 13, 2012 Posted March 13, 2012 Hmmm. Yeah, I've def had guys think I'm not interested because I am NOT touchy feely or affectionate at first. It takes me quite a while to feel comfortable with that kind of stuff. Actually my current BF has told me he was always confused if I liked him or not because of this at the beginning.
RedRobin Posted March 13, 2012 Posted March 13, 2012 Don't blame yourself. Men who expect you to be all over them on the first date aren't looking for anthing serious. He just said whatever so he doesn't have to feel bad for ditching you because you didn't put out.
Author starla33 Posted March 13, 2012 Author Posted March 13, 2012 Don't blame yourself. Men who expect you to be all over them on the first date aren't looking for anthing serious. He just said whatever so he doesn't have to feel bad for ditching you because you didn't put out. He was actually a nice guy and we kissed at the end of the date so obviously at that point he realized I was interested, but it was too late because he had already started talking about all this other stuff you shouldn't bring up on a first date. I don't see how it was my fault at all. I'm very friendly and playful and flirty
Author starla33 Posted March 13, 2012 Author Posted March 13, 2012 "Treat women like dirt and they will stick to you like mud." - Wise Man You did not have to be all over him. ALL you had to do, is touch here and there doting the Date. Wile you talk, pet him on a shoulder, be affectionate. Man I was doing the whole body language thing and everything....obviously someone was clueless
verhrzn Posted March 13, 2012 Posted March 13, 2012 Not his fault you didnt show enough interest. Its not about being all over someone...its about giving guys the right signs so they know whats up. Plenty of men and women have kissed someone on a date and had them flake out on them. Making out doesnt always mean something. What are considered the right signals?
veggirl Posted March 13, 2012 Posted March 13, 2012 Um yeah if you were flirty and playful AND you guys kissed at the end of the date, then he is just a moron to have not gotten it.
Author starla33 Posted March 13, 2012 Author Posted March 13, 2012 What are considered the right signals? Yea I would love to know because I definitely was giving off the I like you signals.
Author starla33 Posted March 13, 2012 Author Posted March 13, 2012 Um yeah if you were flirty and playful AND you guys kissed at the end of the date, then he is just a moron to have not gotten it. Well the thing is he said he decided in the middle of the date i didnt like him and basically ruined it. I guess I kissed him cuz it felt right, but then thought about all the stuff he said and decided not to see him again because it was a lot of TMI information that was a huge turn off. Kind of sad I haven't liked anyone in a while!
FitChick Posted March 13, 2012 Posted March 13, 2012 If a guy really likes you and is confident and secure, he will ignore ambivalence and assume it means you like him until you clearly let him know otherwise. And even if you are ambivalent at first, that confidence might actually make you like him.
fishtaco Posted March 13, 2012 Posted March 13, 2012 Here's another possibility. He wasn't interested in you, but he didn't want to say that straight out, because it's harsh. Kind of like sometimes, when women turn me down, they'll say "I'm not looking to date anyone right now.", which is obviously a lie because they'd jump on the next hot guy that walks by, and it's basically an industry standard for saying "not interested". Guy friendzones you in the middle of the first date then starting saying TMI stuff? And because he thought you didn't like him? I say this is equivalent to "I'm not looking to date anyone right now". Sorry but you win some, you lose some. At least it was a pleasant experience.
somedude81 Posted March 13, 2012 Posted March 13, 2012 Women are far worse at this then men are. Most men aren't going to write you off right away and stick you in the friendzone if you don't try to have sex with them the minute you meet them.
Author starla33 Posted March 13, 2012 Author Posted March 13, 2012 Here's another possibility. He wasn't interested in you, but he didn't want to say that straight out, because it's harsh. Kind of like sometimes, when women turn me down, they'll say "I'm not looking to date anyone right now.", which is obviously a lie because they'd jump on the next hot guy that walks by, and it's basically an industry standard for saying "not interested". Guy friendzones you in the middle of the first date then starting saying TMI stuff? And because he thought you didn't like him? I say this is equivalent to "I'm not looking to date anyone right now". Sorry but you win some, you lose some. At least it was a pleasant experience. Actually no because he asked me on a 2nd date after. But I was way too confused by him at that point and told him what I thought about it.
fishtaco Posted March 13, 2012 Posted March 13, 2012 Actually no because he asked me on a 2nd date after. But I was way too confused by him at that point and told him what I thought about it. Ok then I agree with other posters... he's a moron. Is he inexperienced? Once you are on a date, be in date mode until the end, doesn't matter how you think the date is going (unless the other one turn into a raging psycho, then you escape). I don't see what he would gain from switching to friend mode. Anyway, I'd say don't worry about it. It's not you. He's a moron. Go for the next one, write this one off.
Author starla33 Posted March 13, 2012 Author Posted March 13, 2012 Ok then I agree with other posters... he's a moron. Is he inexperienced? Once you are on a date, be in date mode until the end, doesn't matter how you think the date is going (unless the other one turn into a raging psycho, then you escape). I don't see what he would gain from switching to friend mode. Anyway, I'd say don't worry about it. It's not you. He's a moron. Go for the next one, write this one off. No hes a bit older and said he goes on TONS of dates haha yeah of course I wrote him off at this point as I was actually very interested in getting to know him and liked him, but the whole friend treatment turned me off completely and I'm not into confusion.
SJC2008 Posted March 13, 2012 Posted March 13, 2012 If a guy really likes you and is confident and secure, he will ignore ambivalence and assume it means you like him until you clearly let him know otherwise. And even if you are ambivalent at first, that confidence might actually make you like him. I see what you are saying but I am a firm believer in mutual interest. I'm not afraid to make a move and have gotten the cheek before. I'm not about to make a move on a woman who has not showed one iota of interest to show her I have the balls to do it or that I'm a "risk taker" and hope my "confidence" wins her over. If you don't like me then it's on to the next one and eff your test. On my 3rd date we took a pic together and she did no even reciprocate and arm. But I'm supposed to read her mind and not take it as lack of interest and then when she least expects it, stick my tongue down her throat. Whatever.
JesseJames Posted March 13, 2012 Posted March 13, 2012 Sounds like a really good serial dater. Big whoooopdie do. I know I am. I like to meet total strangers, miles and miles away, sometimes without even seeing a picture and with only a single phone call. I have a lot... lot of fun because I'm such a good judge of who I'm dealing with... each date always goes exactly as I anticipated. That gets to be monotonous sometimes though... and I wish that I could be surprised once in my life. Did you feel like he wanted to be surprised with something out the blue? Were you being entirely indicative of yourself?
Author starla33 Posted March 13, 2012 Author Posted March 13, 2012 I see what you are saying but I am a firm believer in mutual interest. I'm not afraid to make a move and have gotten the cheek before. I'm not about to make a move on a woman who has not showed one iota of interest to show her I have the balls to do it or that I'm a "risk taker" and hope my "confidence" wins her over. If you don't like me then it's on to the next one and eff your test. On my 3rd date we took a pic together and she did no even reciprocate and arm. But I'm supposed to read her mind and not take it as lack of interest and then when she least expects it, stick my tongue down her throat. Whatever. Uh yeah ambivalence and mistaking lack of interest is different. That sucks I would be pretty upset if someone didn't kiss me by the 2nd date tbh so don't know how you made it to the 3rd.
SJC2008 Posted March 13, 2012 Posted March 13, 2012 Uh yeah ambivalence and mistaking lack of interest is different. That sucks I would be pretty upset if someone didn't kiss me by the 2nd date tbh so don't know how you made it to the 3rd. We kissed at the end of our 2nd and 3rd date. But I was saying that when we took a pic together on our 3rd date and she didn't reciprocate the arm I had around her. I took at as lack of interest but the vibe I'm getting from this thread it that it may have been ambivalence. Regardless of the reason, it was a major turnoff.
JohnP82 Posted March 14, 2012 Posted March 14, 2012 If a guy really likes you and is confident and secure, he will ignore ambivalence and assume it means you like him until you clearly let him know otherwise. And even if you are ambivalent at first, that confidence might actually make you like him. That's ridiculous. A confident man knows his worth and will not keep chasing someone that isn't showing signs of interest. He know there are other women out there that will show interest.
lospantalonsfancie Posted March 14, 2012 Posted March 14, 2012 So i was just told by a guy I recently went out with (after I told him i'm not looking for friends or casual as it seemed this is how he was treating me for some reason). He said he couldn't tell if I liked him or not at the start of our date. Yet we kissed at the end, but by that point he had already started treating me as a friend I guess and he basically ruined it as I did like him, but am not about to be all over someone on a first date. Massive fail Translation: he's not that into you. What he told you is just an excuse, not much different from "its not you its me", "I realized I'm not ready for anything serious right now", or "I'm moving to Tijuana." Sure, if you were to be all over him during the date he might have wanted to sleep with you, but he never would have dated you. In other words, he likes you enough to sleep with you if it would be easy to do so, but its not worth the effort to him to spend a considerable amount of time and energy seducing you before sleeping with you. 2
Emilia Posted March 14, 2012 Posted March 14, 2012 Actually no because he asked me on a 2nd date after. But I was way too confused by him at that point and told him what I thought about it. What was the TMI that confused you so much? 1
FitChick Posted March 14, 2012 Posted March 14, 2012 For those of you who don't know the meaning of "ambivalence": The coexistence within an individual of positive and negative feelings toward the same person, object or action, simultaneously drawing him or her in opposite directions.
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