xztjohn Posted March 13, 2012 Posted March 13, 2012 Just wondering, I haven't talked to my ex in about 5 or 6 months and I don't know how I feel about her. When I see her on campus I get little uncomfortable. We had a really bad break up and she always insisted on us staying friends, but I would not have it. I went immediate no contact for a very long time. This is my first break up btw. So how many exs do you have and are yous till friends with them?
radiodarcy Posted March 13, 2012 Posted March 13, 2012 none really. not that i have a lot of exes to speak up. i tried being friends with my most recent ex and it was a disaster - - all he wanted to do was talk about all the girls he had been dating. needless to say - - we're not friends anymore.
budley12 Posted March 13, 2012 Posted March 13, 2012 im in this same situation xztjohn. We lived together on campus since freshman year and now its super awkward seeing him on campus. Escpecially when I see him coming back from a different dorm in sweatpants in the morning (clearly he stayed over at someone else's place). First relationship of 3 years and now nothing. He said he wants to stay friends but he started seeing someone else and it was too painful and couldn't do it. So i started NC and it has been awhile and I really miss him. I want to meet up so badly and just see how is life is going, but I know I will also want to spark old feelings... I hope one day we can be friends but until im totally over it and not looking for more I dont think I should contact.
rootless Posted March 13, 2012 Posted March 13, 2012 (edited) Just wondering, I haven't talked to my ex in about 5 or 6 months and I don't know how I feel about her. When I see her on campus I get little uncomfortable. We had a really bad break up and she always insisted on us staying friends, but I would not have it. I went immediate no contact for a very long time. This is my first break up btw. So how many exs do you have and are yous till friends with them? All totaled, I probably have maybe 12 or 13 girlfriends I would call serious. I'm 36. Out of those, I have one ex that I can honestly, legitimately call my friend. And I'm casual acquaintances with a few others. I truly like them, and enjoy their company, but they play no significant role in my life. In the case of the ex I'm honestly friends with, we didn't date very long, and there was never any animosity between us. We're able to talk, and hang out now without difficulty, because there's no baggage -- no lingering hurt, no unrequited love, no hangover bitterness or regret. And with the ones I'd call acquaintances, I'm able to chat idly with them, no problem as well. Maybe once a year , on Facebook, or a dinner party, or something like that. Again, it's no big deal, because there's no negative emotions associated with them. I have one ex I avoid altogether, because she's... well... crazy. I tried to be friends with her, but have since labeled her "off-limits", as she's just not a healthy person for me to be around. Then, there's 2 ex's that I'll probably never be able to have any kind of relationship with-- even a cursory, meaningless one. Because there's just too much pain there, or too little respect. In once case, I'm totally fine with that-- she revealed a spectacularly ugly side of herself when we split up, and I'm 100% convinced my life is VASTLY improved the further she is away from me. I don't think about her very often, and she has no real bearing on my life, but nevertheless, I'm totally cool with the fact she lives 3 states away. The final case is probably the most complicated, and the only one that effects me at present. I'm not friends with her-- and don't speak with her at all, in fact. If I saw her on the street, I know it would feel like I got hit in the chest with a sledgehammer. 'Cause I'm not over her. She also displayed some pretty horrific, thoughtless behavior, and I'm still coming to terms with it. I don't have the "I'm better off without her" perspective yet. It can't and won't work, because frankly, she's kind of awful. And that bums me out. A lot. But it's just how it is. Don't force a friendship if you don't feel comfortable. There is NOTHING wrong with walking away entirely, if that's honestly what you want. Conversely, don't avoid one either, if you don't think it'll have a negative impact on you, or your ex. Edited March 13, 2012 by rootless
Author xztjohn Posted March 13, 2012 Author Posted March 13, 2012 (edited) I'll probably not contact her at all, she put me through hell and back. Pretty much left me for another guy and caused sooooooooo much drama cause of it. When I think about it now, it still seems pretty ugly. Kind of makes my blood boil a bit. She hindered my recovery process by constantly emailing, texting, and calling me while I was going no contact. We broke up before and she was crazy, she can dish it out but she can't take it. Edited March 13, 2012 by xztjohn
rootless Posted March 13, 2012 Posted March 13, 2012 I'll probably not contact her at all, she put me through hell and back. Pretty much left me for another guy and caused sooooooooo much drama cause of it. When I think about it now, it still seems pretty ugly. Kind of makes my blood boil a bit. She hindered my recovery process by constantly emailing, texting, and calling me while I was going no contact. We broke up before and she was crazy, she can dish it out but she can't take it. If she behaved that poorly, I'd STRONGLY recommend staying away from her. It's only going to magnify your pain and anger. This isn't somebody you want in your life.
Author xztjohn Posted March 13, 2012 Author Posted March 13, 2012 (edited) one thing that really irks me is that she accussed me of raping her and told her new bf that I raped her. Which is NOT true it pisses me off that she thinks that. She told me she had sex with the guy and I was taken back by it and I knew in my mind that it would be the last time I saw her so I asked her to come over. we were talking and my mind was ****ed up at the time, so we started getting close fast with a large part of me initiating and her responding and we did it. She never said don't do it or stop or said no at all. How can it be rape if she didnt seem to imply or say no? If she would have said NO stop then I would have. She knew what was gonna happen by coming to my place, so i think its a load of bs. Not only that she stayed over that night and left the next morning with her bf who was constantly messaging her. A part of me wants to email the dude and tell him the truth, but the past is the past now. Its been awhile since that incident. Her new bf hates me cause of it and told her to take it court. I think its a load of bs. I bet she never told him how she came over to my place one time and seduced me to have sex with her. SHe always make it make it seem like she is hte innocent one. I am totally in the wrong for that, but I don't think its rape what do you guys think? Edited March 13, 2012 by xztjohn
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