sekhmet Posted March 13, 2012 Posted March 13, 2012 I've been a member of loveshack for years, but for reasons which will become obvious I've had to post this under a new id. Approximately 5 years ago I used to be a member of a forum connected with a popular TV programme. A monthly local meet of members used to take place in my home town, and for about 3 years I happily attended. I met my now fiancé through the forum. He is bisexual, and had had a very short lived 'fling' with the main (male) organiser of the meets approximately 2 years before we met. This person wasn't happy when we got together, and made some offensive comments - mainly along the line that my fiancé is really gay and that our relationship wouldn't last. We've now been together nearly 3 years and have been very happy. This person spread a lot or very nasty rumours amongst our mutual friends - including one alleging that I had a threesome with an ex and his new gf. I'm straight and have never been sexually attracted to women. Other people from the forum got involved, things got nasty and about 18 months ago I decided to leave the forum for good. I also stopped attending the local meets. Last week I found out from a mutual friend that a fake twitter profile had been set up, impersonating me. Posts I had made on the forum years ago had been directly lifted to make it seem more genuine. This same group of people had been posting on it since the end of January...extremely offensive things about myself, my fiancé, my ex husband. Amongst them were posts saying that I 'beat the gay' out of my fiancé, that I'm constantly cheating on him (we are in a LDR)...and possibly the worst, poking fun of the fact that I had a miscarriage recently. I reported the profile to Twitter, and it has now been taken down. I cannot believe that myself and my fiancé are still getting abuse about our relationship after nearly 3 years. Sadly, it is starting to affect the way I feel about my fiancé. I can't help feeling that if he was straight, I wouldn't be getting any of this. I'm really tired of it all, I'm tired of these people still featuring in my life. I've gone to great pains not have any contact with them...deleting and blocking them off Facebook, not attending functions I know they will be at..so why is this still happening?
TaraMaiden Posted March 13, 2012 Posted March 13, 2012 Some people have bitterness as an intravenous drip... it keeps them alive and they need the fix.... It will kill them in the end, though. Particularly as the effects wear off.... (The effects being your reacting to it....) that just refills the bottle... 2
Nancy B Posted March 14, 2012 Posted March 14, 2012 It never fails to surprise me just how low and vicious people can be when sharing a group mentality. Those peoples actions are absolutely vile. I'm sorry for the pain it is causing you and the affect it is having on your relationship. Try not to blame your partner. He cannot change who he is and you clearly love him so why would you want to. You are both victims in this and turning against each other would be letting the bullies win. Good luck.
The Outlaw Posted March 15, 2012 Posted March 15, 2012 The individual who started the whole thing just needs to do one, simple thing: GET OVER IT. He's obviously the jealous type and will go through great lengths to destroy someone's repuation for his own satisfaction. Eventually, same will happen to him. It's very juvenile and immature.
Almond_Joy Posted March 16, 2012 Posted March 16, 2012 Some people have bitterness as an intravenous drip... it keeps them alive and they need the fix.... It will kill them in the end, though. Particularly as the effects wear off.... (The effects being your reacting to it....) that just refills the bottle... ^^This. Though from a professional perspective, I can see that them spreading a negative image of you on the internet can have some larger ramifications on your life. Poking fun at your miscarriage is particularly low. I'm very sorry to hear you're dealing with something like this. Maybe, if you have documentation, you can take some sort of legal action against them? If they want to project their unhappiness on you, that's their problem, but don't let them mess up your life. Also, it sounds like you're starting to resent your fiancee. I would hope that's just the stress and exhaustion talking, and that you take steps to dissipate that resentment ASAP, because it will fester and ruin your relationship in the long run. Good luck.
Musician James Posted March 17, 2012 Posted March 17, 2012 Hi sekhmet. Sounds like this person who is spreading rumors is very bitter and jealous indeed. Anyone who goes to these lengths seriously needs to get a life because there is sure something lacking in theirs. And please don’t let it blight your relationship as it’s your and your partners relationship that matters. So to hell with nasty and malicious people both online and off. James
Author sekhmet Posted March 19, 2012 Author Posted March 19, 2012 Thanks to all for your messages. My partner found out that someone we thought was a friend to both of us had read the fake twitter profile, and sent an email to a mutual friend saying that I "deserved all the abuse...that it was 'time someone took me to task' (It was the mutual friend that let my fiance know). Apparently I am causing my fiancé to lose all his friends, I'm a control freak, and I'm using him for his money. Which is laughable ...he doesn't have any, he works in care...and I couldn't be more proud that he's doing a job that helps others. We were both pretty shocked. We honestly thought we could trust this person. The sad thing is most of the things she accused me of were totally inaccurate - there is some really twisted gossip about me out there. What shocked us both was at no time did she even consider contacting my fiancé to see if any of it was actually true...she just blindly accepted that it was. And then was two-faced enough to keep us both on Facebook, with us thinking she was a friend. An alarm bell was rung about a month ago, when she didn't invite us to her 40th (yes, this is the average age of most of the people who are involved in all of this... unbelievably) This woman has met me twice and thinks she has the right to judge me. I'm beginning to feel like I can't trust anyone.
CC12 Posted March 20, 2012 Posted March 20, 2012 Sadly, it is starting to affect the way I feel about my fiancé. I can't help feeling that if he was straight, I wouldn't be getting any of this. That's probably one of their main goals in all this, isn't it? To drive a wedge between you two because they don't approve or your relationship for whatever reason. This isn't your fiance's fault (unless he's still involved with these people in some way - he's not, is he?) so don't let your anger at them be transferred to him. I'm beginning to feel like I can't trust anyone. You can still trust people, just don't put so much trust in internet "friends." It's a lot easier for people to gossip and be malicious if they don't really know you in person. Might want to think about cutting off everyone who has anything to do with that toxic group of people.
Author sekhmet Posted March 20, 2012 Author Posted March 20, 2012 That's probably one of their main goals in all this, isn't it? To drive a wedge between you two because they don't approve or your relationship for whatever reason. This isn't your fiance's fault (unless he's still involved with these people in some way - he's not, is he?) so don't let your anger at them be transferred to him. You can still trust people, just don't put so much trust in internet "friends." It's a lot easier for people to gossip and be malicious if they don't really know you in person. Might want to think about cutting off everyone who has anything to do with that toxic group of people. Thanks for your reply CC12. My fiance is no longer involved with these people - and the woman who sent the email was deleted and blocked straight away. We'd only seen her twice in the last 2 and a half years, so it wasn't like she was a bosom buddy, anyway! And you are so right about 'internet friends' I keep making the same point to my fiance, that we don't really know these people, and vice versa. With some mutual friends I'm afraid that I now operate on a 'guilt by association' agenda: If I feel that you are too close to the trolls, you are either deleted or restricted from my Facebook profile. My fiance feels that is going a bit far, but all I care about now is my privacy. Anyone who questions it will be told how much upset and damage being 'open' online has caused me...and if they are a real friend, they will understand.
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