lastresort Posted March 13, 2012 Posted March 13, 2012 My girlfriend of 7 months has gone NC on me. Sunday her and her son came over to have dinner with my sons and I. The boys mostly get along, mine are 5/8 hers is 5. I had been watching all 3 boys for most the afternoon so she could go to the gym and run some errands. She came over and I was cooking dinner. My 8 y/o and her son got into it. Her son is an instigator, I know he's 5, but when he knows he is annoying you he will push it until you break. He smacks my son in the face twice, according to my son, her son denies it. Any ways. I diffused the situation. We started talking about what we do about the boys behavior. I listened while she gave me her opinion. And when I went to comment and give her my opinion she kept interupting me after my first sentence and starting arguments. This went on three times before I told her I would not continue with this conversation since I allowed her to give her opinion with no interruption and waited for her to be done before I commented on what she said. After I told her I would not continue the conversation, I continued cooking. She went and grabbed her son and left on her way out she made a couple of rude statements that really hurt. This happened 2 days ago. I tried calling her that night, straight to VM. I tried calling her the next morning no answer. Our boys play on the same baseball team and she would not even talk to me at the baseball game las night but still sat with my parents at the game. Since she won't take my calls what should I do? Should I go NC? I love this girl and we had even talked about marriage, I don't believe in soul mates but the two of us from day one of dating have been amazing.
smudge21 Posted March 13, 2012 Posted March 13, 2012 Well it's clearly about more than just that one argument. There's more going on, some of which you may not know about. I would simply send her an email or text (something she can read in her own time) and keep it short. Something like that you miss her, hope you can talk and sort this out, but leave it up to her to contact you. Don't go begging or showing weakness as (far as you know) you have no reason to be making apologies as you haven't done anything wrong. Just be firm and honest and leave the ball in her court. See what happens after a few days of no contact.
casper12 Posted March 13, 2012 Posted March 13, 2012 smudge21 has some really good advice he has also been helping me with my situation, Anyway maybe you could make effort with her son and yours by a suprise or something, and allowing ther to see this, might work not sure! i have a six year old boy- what do you have to loose, you already have the no- just got ta get the yes! maybe follow smudges advive 1st tho! good luck
Author lastresort Posted March 13, 2012 Author Posted March 13, 2012 (edited) I sent her a text telling letting her know how I feel. I also asked her what was up after the baseball game yesterday and she said she would talk to me later, she never called or text I coach the team so i was on the field through the game. It just bums me out cause we really never argue, when we have, it was usually when one of us was drinking, but I would say we have only really been mad at each other 3/4 times in 7 months. I don't think that is that bad. Thank you for any advice. Edited March 13, 2012 by lastresort Grammar errors
flitzanu Posted March 13, 2012 Posted March 13, 2012 i can say, single mothers can be VERY protective of their kids, and at the slightest hint of insult will slit your throat (figuratively). my ex would get HEATED if i ever showed any tiny favoritism toward my niece compared to her (the ex gf) son. it could be parental rage about the fight and not the two of you. just a thought. 1
RYL TMann Posted March 13, 2012 Posted March 13, 2012 Flitzanu and Smudge both make good points. Looking back, how did you go about diffusing the situation? Do you remember what you may have said to either of the boys? Did the other times that you two were mad at each other have anything to do with the kids? If you have already made one overture with her, I don't think that making more is going to help. I wouldn't make any further attempts to contact her and at baseball you should be cordial but don't press her to talk. Give her some time to cool off. If she felt things were going as well in the relationship as you did before this incident, then she will start to miss you and will eventually make contact. The biggest things for you to do are be amicable and avoid pressuring her.
JasonRules Posted March 13, 2012 Posted March 13, 2012 It's a single mother protective type thing as the previous poster states. I might sound harsh, but I personally refuse to get involved with single mothers. 2
Author lastresort Posted March 14, 2012 Author Posted March 14, 2012 Yah I'm starting to learn that. I didn't say anything about her son. I didn't have the chance too!! She is the one who usually tells me that her son is an instigator. I should be the one mad. When she went in after the problem she told her son right in front of my son that he just needs an excuse to be mad a you. My son was totally offended and went under his computer table and cried. I consolled him. It was just weird. Even when she left she was saying things like I'm not your ex-wife I don't have to stay around. WTF I would never personally attack her. I did make contact with her today cause I knew she had a Dr's appointment which I usually go to with her. I texted her and she actually responded with how the appointment went. When she got hurt I actually went to her house everyday for 6 weeks and showered her and got her dressed and got her ready for the day.
Author lastresort Posted March 14, 2012 Author Posted March 14, 2012 Yah I'm starting to learn that. I didn't say anything about her son. I didn't have the chance too!! She is the one who usually tells me that her son is an instigator. I should be the one mad. When she went in after the problem she told her son right in front of my son that he just needs an excuse to be mad a you. My son was totally offended and went under his computer table and cried. I consolled him. It was just weird. Even when she left she was saying things like I'm not your ex-wife I don't have to stay around. WTF I would never personally attack her. I did make contact with her today cause I knew she had a Dr's appointment which I usually go to with her. I texted her and she actually responded with how the appointment went. When she got hurt I actually went to her house everyday for 6 weeks and showered her and got her dressed and got her ready for the day.
stimson554 Posted March 14, 2012 Posted March 14, 2012 the woman seems kind of immature, and the apple hasn't fallen very far from the tree. 1
Eddie Edirol Posted March 14, 2012 Posted March 14, 2012 Leave her be, if she wants to make up she will, dont go chasing her. She may be giving you the semi silent treatment to keep her power over you. I assume that if she sat with your parents, that she only plans to make you sweat it out. But heres the real problem, if she is making you sweat it out, she obviously thinks that you are wrong in the situation. So if this is how she acts in a not-so-tough situation, how do you think she would act when the going gets really tough? She doesnt want to discipline her son when hes wrong, she runs from a discussion, then hurls insults as if shes 22, is this what you really want to live with? 1
stimson554 Posted March 14, 2012 Posted March 14, 2012 not saying the kid is immature just she is being kind of overly protective due to the fact that she is a single mother, on the other hand, kids will be kids.
Author lastresort Posted March 15, 2012 Author Posted March 15, 2012 Well I was doing good yesterday with NC. Then she texted me about a work issue. The catch is she works for me from her home and on location. We responded back and forth about 10 times. That was it Then at our son's baseball game I knew I would see her again. Our sons happen to end up on the same team. So I have my ex-wife and my gf at the game, not sure if we are broken up. I had to bring her some gear for a job she has this weekend. We talked a little I left it with small talk: you look nice, how have you been. It's been since Sunday that we talked. I walked with her toward her car then we hugged and I stayed and watched a friend of mines sons game. I did not contact her last night after the game. It made me feel goood to see her. My knots in my stomach went away. After I left the fields I went to my bf house for a beer and a talk. She is going through a divorce so we both agreed to be eachothers NC buddy. I now text her goodnight and good morning instead of my gf.
Author lastresort Posted March 15, 2012 Author Posted March 15, 2012 Funny thing today... She called me this morning and invited me to her moms birthday dinner this Friday... I have to work but said i will stop by on the way back from my job.
Author lastresort Posted March 21, 2012 Author Posted March 21, 2012 Just an update. After her not talking to me for 3 days and not seeing her for 5 she came back. She stayed the weekend at my house. Like nothing happened. Sunday we finally talked about the problems. We worked them out. She is an amazing women and we just love the time we get to spend together. Seems once I went NC she came right back. Weird how that actually works. My friend told me that when girls are that mad you just have to give them that space or it just makes them even madder. Any ways thanks for Tge words of advice on this site. PEACE
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