Titania22 Posted March 14, 2012 Posted March 14, 2012 Most of you treat your co-workers and friends better than you do your wives and girlfriends. It's like, you go home to 'plug-in' (pun intended) and that's about it. You cheat on them. Lie to them. Disrespect them with your thoughtless habits and expectations that they (women) will somehow erase all of your petty insecurities. That is why I have male friends. Men who have legitimate female friends treat me better than men who don't have female friends and want to date me. This has been my experience, over and over again. In fact sometimes men who try being my friend, say things about the women that they are seeing, that make me thankful they are not seeing me. Obviously those guys don't even make it into the friendzone.
sid3 Posted March 14, 2012 Posted March 14, 2012 Obviously those guys don't even make it into the friendzone. Yeah because only men can be caddy and bitchy sometimes. Wives and girlfriends never complain about their partners. At least you acknowledge the friendzone, most don't.
betterdeal Posted March 14, 2012 Posted March 14, 2012 Where'd you get the impression that her male friends seek her favor by flattering her and other actions or are like her attendants and she's royalty? From thin air. It's a gift.
Author RedRobin Posted March 15, 2012 Author Posted March 15, 2012 *sigh* A friendship is a relationship. I do wish these terms weren't abused so. Why having courtiers rather than a monogamous lover is better for me There, that's a more accurate title for the thread. This made me laugh. Problem is (and this is part of my frustration) anyone can be monogamous if they adjust the timeline short enough. ...Limit of everyone's ability to be monogamous as t approaches zero = infinity. I also find the word 'lover' to be a pretty loose term. Not much 'love' in most 'lovers'. That much I've observed. My friendships carry more genuine love... or seem to.
Author RedRobin Posted March 15, 2012 Author Posted March 15, 2012 RedRobin why are you asking for advice if you reject everything anyone says? You're just like half the posters on this forum. You are insecure and want people to simply tell you what you want to hear. When you don't, you get defensive and start sh*t for no reason. I think THIS is why you only have male friends and no boyfriends. Consider going back and re-reading the thread and figure out what advice you think I'm asking for... I'm not asking how to turn a friend into a boyfriend, in case you were wondering. You weighed in on your male friendships (or lack of them) and I accepted that was YOUR truth. It's not mine. Other people seem to be barking at me based on their personal disappointment about being cheated on or lied to... has nothing to do with me.
Author RedRobin Posted March 15, 2012 Author Posted March 15, 2012 Yeah because only men can be caddy and bitchy sometimes. Wives and girlfriends never complain about their partners. At least you acknowledge the friendzone, most don't. My dad made me caddy when I was a kid. I still hate golf to this day. Damn him! Talk about baggage. There are just some things we never get over.
sid3 Posted March 15, 2012 Posted March 15, 2012 Thank you all VERY much for all of the great replies. Alot of food for thought, for sure...but I really, really need to suck myself out of here for awhile. It is definately addictive... posting here! Apparently its already been awhile, my how time flies
Author RedRobin Posted March 15, 2012 Author Posted March 15, 2012 Apparently its already been awhile, my how time flies I know. I suck at this. Coffee... and now LS. My two vices. 1
joystickd Posted March 15, 2012 Posted March 15, 2012 Sounds like you need to get laid. Good luck! I think most of us on this forum needs to get laid lol 3
Titania22 Posted March 15, 2012 Posted March 15, 2012 Yeah because only men can be caddy and bitchy sometimes. Wives and girlfriends never complain about their partners. At least you acknowledge the friendzone, most don't. There is a difference in how crude the complaints are between women I have known and men I have known. Seriously many men seem to hold women that have sex with them in lower regard to women that don't. I think a factor could be, that when we are not involved with someone, it is easy to walk away if there behaviour isn't what we want, but when we are involved with someone walking away can be more difficult. Men aren't stupid, I think you all realise this, and your behaviour reflects it. But on top of that, their true attitudes may be something they hide from their partners, and just tell their friends. Which is what I was getting at with my previous post. Seeing that side of men is a real turn off. 1
Author RedRobin Posted March 15, 2012 Author Posted March 15, 2012 Sounds like you need to get laid. Good luck! Sure. I could update my profile on OkC and get laid tonight. NP. na na na na na.. See my original post.
Author RedRobin Posted March 15, 2012 Author Posted March 15, 2012 But on top of that, their true attitudes may be something they hide from their partners, and just tell their friends. Which is what I was getting at with my previous post. Seeing that side of men is a real turn off. Yep. I have one male friend who appears to be very happy with his new girlfriend all over facebook... and the sad thing is, I think he really IS happy. Except, to me, he talks about the value of lying and how everyone is just out for themselves... as he downs his third drink of the evening while we talk on the phone. Ok. Not someone I am going to stay friends with. So, which is it? Is he a lying jerk? Or is he someone who had been hurt and scared and is protecting himself with his righteous indignation? Hard to tell. I really hope he figures it out though... I found out at the end of our phone conversation that he was supposed to call her that night, but instead talked to me. Not good. I posted to his girlfriend the very next day. I'm not going to be used as leverage against her. I'm backing out of this one.
Author RedRobin Posted March 15, 2012 Author Posted March 15, 2012 (edited) OP have not been properly banged in years...and it shows... You are SOOOO right! alot of men don't know how to 'properly bang' a woman. Yep. I look at sex like I do food... I could go for McDonald's (fast food)... or I can go for filet mignon with the full course meal. My friendships keep me from starving while I look for a man who gets that analogy. ... AND, last but not least... my friendships make me feel that I'm giving something back too. I need to feel needed too. Everyone does. Edited March 15, 2012 by RedRobin 1
Author RedRobin Posted March 15, 2012 Author Posted March 15, 2012 ... and before guys get pissed or bummed... Everyone is different. Most of us don't have a clue how to 'properly bang' anyone until we get to know them. Even with experienced people... it only gets you so far.
Titania22 Posted March 15, 2012 Posted March 15, 2012 ... AND, last but not least... my friendships make me feel that I'm giving something back too. I need to feel needed too. Everyone does. This is how I feel. Two things: 1) I am told is that good thought provoking conversation is hard to come by. That most people don't seem to think very much (i.e. about things not immediately relevant to their lives). And so I provide a way to get the intellectual satisfaction, they are missing in their relationships. 2) And this seems to apply more so to teens i make friends with rather then adults. In a society where parents are often very busy and either don't have the time, or the inclination to spend quality time with their kids, and often families are broken anyway, it seems that my spending time playing and chatting with these kids provides some of that attention. For some boys it's the first friendship interaction they are having with the opposite sex. And even if it's not their only interaction with females, then it is possibly the only interaction that is completely non-sexual in nature. It is easy for me to feel that possibly my friendship with them is having a positive impact, even if it is primarily at a subconscious level. To me I don't discriminate friendship based on age. In the past in a tribal setting, the elders were a part of the younger peoples lives, helping to provide insight and guidance. I see my friendship kind of like that, as I was similarly guided a few years back by people 15yrs older then me. 1
ascendotum Posted March 15, 2012 Posted March 15, 2012 That's painting men with a pretty broad brush. When it comes to relationships with the opposite sex, I consider friendship and romance to be on the same intimacy continuum. I guess my point is that if I express romantic feelings for a female friend, I am not trying to "use" her. I've seen lots of LS posts from women who are disappointed or hurt when a friendship is "ruined" by the guy's expression of deeper feeling. There can be hurt on the guy's side, too. I've never understood how a woman could care so deeply for a guy as a friend yet find the idea of someone wanting to sleep with that guy to be so repulsive. I've also been surprised at some of the posts I've read here on women's attitudes to male friends who indicate they actually have an attraction to the woman. Some of them have outright despised the guy, like he's been a phoney friend for the past year because he just wanted to get in my pants. Guys who are friends and are attracted to them are sneaky creeps, and so on, but at the same time I've recently read some posts from women where they say they like to know the guy for a while as a friend and have the relationship develop organically.
udolipixie Posted March 15, 2012 Posted March 15, 2012 I've also been surprised at some of the posts I've read here on women's attitudes to male friends who indicate they actually have an attraction to the woman. Some of them have outright despised the guy, like he's been a phoney friend for the past year because he just wanted to get in my pants. Guys who are friends and are attracted to them are sneaky creeps, and so on, but at the same time I've recently read some posts from women where they say they like to know the guy for a while as a friend and have the relationship develop organically. Why are you surprised? There are few things that a group agrees or disagrees on. Women differ some don't like having thought they had a genuine friend when he really want to have sex or a relationship and some prefer to be friends first.
Author RedRobin Posted March 15, 2012 Author Posted March 15, 2012 I've also been surprised at some of the posts I've read here on women's attitudes to male friends who indicate they actually have an attraction to the woman. Some of them have outright despised the guy, like he's been a phoney friend for the past year because he just wanted to get in my pants. Guys who are friends and are attracted to them are sneaky creeps, and so on, but at the same time I've recently read some posts from women where they say they like to know the guy for a while as a friend and have the relationship develop organically. It depends on the person and the relationship. In general, I won't fault someone (male or female, TBH) who makes one pass. Regardless of their situation. If I'm not interested, I will respectfully find a way to let them know it isn't reciprocal in a way he can save face and hope our friendship isn't tarnished. If I express interest in them, and they aren't interested, I hope they can do the same. However, it REALLY bugs me when much older men do it though. To me it feels like they've violated a major trust... It's almost like incest in my mind. It does feel predatory and very inappropriate. Not sure where they are getting the idea that this behavior is acceptable. Hollywood, probably.
FrustratedStandards Posted March 15, 2012 Posted March 15, 2012 Because your "little male friends" are a bunch of leeches sucking up to you hoping to get some or they legitimately don't see you as anything more than a friend either. I see so many guys like this, they are lame. Rushing to your needs and doing anything to make you feel better completes them and you give them what they deserve. Of course you don't mind because you like to use them. It's just reality for every woman out there. In all fairness, there are men like this too.
The Blue Knight Posted March 15, 2012 Posted March 15, 2012 In all fairness, there are men like this too. Quite a number of men who are woman-haters around here and a number of women who are man-haters.
Author RedRobin Posted March 16, 2012 Author Posted March 16, 2012 (edited) Because your "little male friends" are a bunch of leeches sucking up to you hoping to get some or they legitimately don't see you as anything more than a friend either. I see so many guys like this, they are lame. Rushing to your needs and doing anything to make you feel better completes them and you give them what they deserve. Of course you don't mind because you like to use them. It's just reality for every woman out there. It doesn't bother me if they don't see me as anything more than a friend. I don't tend to be the kind of woman to sit around and wait patiently for a guy to make his intentions known. If I think he's attracted to me, I have no problems making the first move or getting clarity. If they are sucking up to me hoping to get some, then it is up to them to say something or go away. I can't read their minds. We take care of each other, though. There is no leeching. It's too bad you only see women as something to f*ck. But that's ok. To each his/her own. Edited March 16, 2012 by RedRobin
Author RedRobin Posted March 16, 2012 Author Posted March 16, 2012 Do you three travel in packs or something? Wierd.
dispatch3d Posted March 16, 2012 Posted March 16, 2012 lol girls who are "friends" with guys in this manner are such bull****. With a girl that feels she's this way with me I just didn't attempt to hang out with her for like 4 months and she eventually invited me to something (wholy **** imagine that!). I would literally invite her out maybe once every 2 weeks and she wouldn't even put in half that amount of effort. **** it right, he has an eternal crush on me and I don't have to do work. Lol **** that noise. Even now when she goes out she just posts it on her wall she's going out and I might see it. Anyhow, my point is this is a ****ty way to be friends with someone. I devalue her as a friend because of it. I would never date her either. She told me I "had" to go to her wedding and I'm like no I'm not going to it. Forget it.
Author RedRobin Posted March 16, 2012 Author Posted March 16, 2012 lol girls who are "friends" with guys in this manner are such bull****. With a girl that feels she's this way with me I just didn't attempt to hang out with her for like 4 months and she eventually invited me to something (wholy **** imagine that!). I would literally invite her out maybe once every 2 weeks and she wouldn't even put in half that amount of effort. **** it right, he has an eternal crush on me and I don't have to do work. Lol **** that noise. Even now when she goes out she just posts it on her wall she's going out and I might see it. Anyhow, my point is this is a ****ty way to be friends with someone. I devalue her as a friend because of it. I would never date her either. She told me I "had" to go to her wedding and I'm like no I'm not going to it. Forget it. I agree that if the other person isn't reciprocating in a friend type way, it probably isn't a healthy friendship. This applies to same sex or opposite sex friendships. It's just that opposite sex friendships often require more communication and clarity to avoid misinterpretation or hurt feelings. Why not just go to the wedding with her? Make it clear you are just friends and scope out the scene for other dating opportunities? Maybe you could ask her to set you up with one of her friends there. Couldn't hurt!
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