kest Posted March 13, 2012 Posted March 13, 2012 Is there even a point in trying to keep this friendship alive? I met these two girls (B and L) about eight years ago. We were all very close throughout high school, but since finishing school B just doesn't seem interested in being friends anymore and has basically left L and me in the dust. The last time I saw B was at my birthday party - she only came for five minutes, and that was only really to flaunt her new boyfriend. The time before that, L and I went to meet B at a bar, thinking it would just be the three of us. There ended up being about ten other people there, and B basically ignored us the entire night. A couple of times she's also pulled out of things at the last minute, even after I've arrived at the place where we were planning to meet. I send her messages asking if she wants to catch up - she never replies. The only time she ever contacts me is when she wants something, and if I can't help her with what she wants she just drops off all contact. I still care about her a fair bit, and the whole situation makes me feel quite sad. I don't want to give up on her and the friendship, but she's sort of making me feel like I have no other choice. This is more of a rant than anything else - I just hate being the only one putting effort into the relationship. I know deep down I'm better off without her, but it still hurts. I value my relationships greatly, and to have her treat our friendship like this - to basically act like we were never best friends - is upsetting.
JesseJames Posted March 13, 2012 Posted March 13, 2012 People tend to turn the page all the time. I've had coworkers do that to me and so on and so forth. They were crazy good friends. Now into my thirties, I still have my closests. Lucky. Ya darn right it hurts, but then new people come along and you're back into disbelief. Imagine years and years ago when people couldn't communicate nor travel like we can now.
The Outlaw Posted March 14, 2012 Posted March 14, 2012 Ugh, I'm sorry. I've just one myself who is similar to whom you just described-she only seemed to come to me when she needed something or was down in the dumps. After I had helped her back up on her feet with some people who were less than kind to her, I heard from her less and less and felt I carried the friendship on my own, and she remarked she couldn't care less if we were friends or not, so, after that, I cut her out of my life. I know what you're going through hurts, but sometimes we need to do what's best for us. You'll find new friends in time who won't dare blow you off and want to spend time with you. Good luck
Author kest Posted March 14, 2012 Author Posted March 14, 2012 People tend to turn the page all the time. I've had coworkers do that to me and so on and so forth. They were crazy good friends. Now into my thirties, I still have my closests. Lucky. Ya darn right it hurts, but then new people come along and you're back into disbelief. Imagine years and years ago when people couldn't communicate nor travel like we can now. Yeah, it's a bummer. People change, I guess - and sometimes it's not for the better. Ugh, I'm sorry. I've just one myself who is similar to whom you just described-she only seemed to come to me when she needed something or was down in the dumps. After I had helped her back up on her feet with some people who were less than kind to her, I heard from her less and less and felt I carried the friendship on my own, and she remarked she couldn't care less if we were friends or not, so, after that, I cut her out of my life. I know what you're going through hurts, but sometimes we need to do what's best for us. You'll find new friends in time who won't dare blow you off and want to spend time with you. Good luck It's hard. But in a way, I'm glad this has happened, because it's exposed to me who she truly is. Plus, I'd rather things end earlier rather than later. I doubt I will ever stop caring for her though. I'm glad she wasn't the sole focus of my friendship. Luckily, I have a few more friends who I can trust intimately. I'll just try and work on those relationships as much as I can. Good luck to you also.
djmm Posted March 14, 2012 Posted March 14, 2012 im going through a similar situation and yes it isnt good times. Carrying on a one-sided friendship, putting in most of the effort without return is frustrating. People rarely change, they can only improve. So hopefully she improves one day and realizes you were a good friend with good intentions.
The Outlaw Posted March 14, 2012 Posted March 14, 2012 I'm glad to know that you have others that you can hang out with-and it's great that you still care about her despite what's happened.
Author kest Posted March 15, 2012 Author Posted March 15, 2012 im going through a similar situation and yes it isnt good times. Carrying on a one-sided friendship, putting in most of the effort without return is frustrating. People rarely change, they can only improve. So hopefully she improves one day and realizes you were a good friend with good intentions. Sorry to hear things are similar with you. To be honest, I'm not sure she can improve. I spent some time looking back on our friendship, and I realised that she's always been that way. She's always considered herself and her own motives before thinking about others. It's my other friend's (L) 21st birthday in a couple of weeks' time, and last week I got a message from B asking if I wanted to go halves in getting L a present. I told her politely that I'd already organised a gift and gave her some information about my health (I've had a few health problems lately). She never replied to me. While I wasn't expecting her to - that's just how she is - it still hurt me. I get the feeling that she didn't reply just because I didn't give her what she wanted. And while she can be a very nice person, it's very hard to keep up a functional relationship with someone who doesn't want to commit. I'm glad to know that you have others that you can hang out with-and it's great that you still care about her despite what's happened. Thank you The other friend affected by this feels much the same as I do. We're both tired of what she's doing. I told another friend about what had happened, and she thought it was very unreasonable and rude. If this had happened a few years ago, I would have been in a far worse position because I considered her my best friend. If she realised what was happening and apologised, I would forgive her. But I don't think the frienship could ever go back to what it was. I still care, but I no longer feel tied to her. I'm gaining some peace now.
The Outlaw Posted March 15, 2012 Posted March 15, 2012 Again, that's good, because so many people may just not care about an ex-friend if this should be done to them. Not trying to sound rude or anything, but they may not. I had someone that I had met online that I considered to be my best friend on a site that I spend very little time on anymore. I never met her face to face, but it was being planned. Anyway, she hit a really rough patch in her life and I helped pull her through the absolute best I could, and it was so rewarding. Long story short, after I did, I heard from her less and less, distrust developed, and she told me she wouldn't care if I cut her out of my life. When I confronted her about it, she said she didn't remember saying that at all, and was sorry if she did, but it was just such a damaging thing to say to anyone. Needless to say, I ended it shortly afterwards, and I'm a little more careful of whom I'm friends with-whether it's online or in RL. Only major problem is, you can't see whom you're speaking with online. Hope I didn't get too far off track, but I know how this feels. And sadly, I haven't found it possible to care about my ex-buddy because of what she said. At least you do have friends who won't blow you off or make excuses. That's great
Author kest Posted March 16, 2012 Author Posted March 16, 2012 Again, that's good, because so many people may just not care about an ex-friend if this should be done to them. Not trying to sound rude or anything, but they may not. I had someone that I had met online that I considered to be my best friend on a site that I spend very little time on anymore. I never met her face to face, but it was being planned. Anyway, she hit a really rough patch in her life and I helped pull her through the absolute best I could, and it was so rewarding. Long story short, after I did, I heard from her less and less, distrust developed, and she told me she wouldn't care if I cut her out of my life. When I confronted her about it, she said she didn't remember saying that at all, and was sorry if she did, but it was just such a damaging thing to say to anyone. Needless to say, I ended it shortly afterwards, and I'm a little more careful of whom I'm friends with-whether it's online or in RL. Only major problem is, you can't see whom you're speaking with online. Hope I didn't get too far off track, but I know how this feels. And sadly, I haven't found it possible to care about my ex-buddy because of what she said. At least you do have friends who won't blow you off or make excuses. That's great Thanks for that I understand what you're saying. That would be a hard thing to experience. I'm very glad to have more friends who I know won't treat me the same way. I'm the sort of person who has few, close friends. I have several aquaintances who know me fairly superficially, and then a small number of close friends who all know me to a similar, intimate degree. It takes me a while to trust people, and so I tend to work on existing relationships more than I make new ones. So maybe that's one reason why what she did upset me a bit - because I value trust so highly and she was a person I trusted. But it also means, thankfully, that I have other people to devote more of my time and love to.
Author kest Posted March 18, 2012 Author Posted March 18, 2012 Time to leave her alone. Yeah, deep down I know that's best. I'm going to have to see her in a couple of weeks (at a mutual friend's party). I anticipate it will be difficult for me. But I plan to be friendly regardless of any past or future happenings between us.
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