alliecat22 Posted March 13, 2012 Posted March 13, 2012 I ended it with him over 4 months ago, and maybe I'm just experience delayed reaction but I'm still completely dying inside. To sum it up I ended a really difficult 1yr+ long LDR because he didn't love me in the same way that I loved him. He loved me in his own way, just not the way that I did, and the discrepancy was one I couldn't live with after moths of being tortured in an unhappy relationship. It was the hardest thing to do to end things with someone you are completely and utterly in love with, because you know rationally that it is the healthiest thing to do for you. The head fighting the heart. I was always a dreamer that thought the heart would always win...but I've never endured so much pain and heartbreak over unrequited love. Just like that damn Gotye song, I did exactly that---I cut him completely off--I couldn't handle being friends right away just like he wanted, and of course he is pissed about it. But I don't know if I can ever be friends with him or really get over him. I miss him so terribly much and I just want to be over it so I can have him in my life again--even if it's just as friends. I don't want to lose him forever. However, I know I'm not ready---all I think about is the possibility of us being together in the future...in some dream where years down the line we both grow and mature from all the **** that's happened and can actually have a real shot--where we are in the same place. I've NEVER been one to think about kids or marriage, but with him suddenly I did (that is a MAJOR deal for me). I wanted things I've never wanted in my life before, and I feel like I had to give everything up for my own sanity. But my heart breaks every day, even if it's subconsciously. I feel like we belong together, I feel rather hopeless to be frank. I've tried to deal and move on--everyone just says it takes time, but frankly it's utterly unbearable. I never even got to see him for the last time---I never got the closure. It pains me inside because I know when I ended it he tried so hard to keep things going. Then later he lashed out at me and said he didn't love me or want to be with me (I'm sure he was just hurt because i completely isolated him from each others' lives). Still it hurts. Salt in the wound. I can't help but feel self-deprecating, and just want to rot in my own sadness. Sometimes you just have to cry and feel bad even though your mind is just like "suck it up"...i know. I just need to rant, I just need to cry and feel completely horrible and hopeless..at least then I'm feeling something rather than trying to pretend I'm strong and fine and everything is ok and I can do better and find someone who loves me like I love them. But I always find myself here in the end. Utterly in love. Utterly heartbroken. Forever hopeful.
OpenBook Posted March 13, 2012 Posted March 13, 2012 Oh how well I know this agony! You did the right thing for yourself, alliecat, by walking away from him. Sure doesn't feel like it though, huh. But you made the right call. Just keep this little thought in the back of your mind: He's kind of an @sshole. You might be idealizing him right now. 1
KathyM Posted March 13, 2012 Posted March 13, 2012 If you never got what you needed out of the relationship, and he was never able to give you the kind of love you wanted, then you were right to end it. Until we are willing to give up something that holds us back, we are not able to find what we really need and want. When you find that right person who will return your love, you will wonder why you stayed with the other guy so long.
Forever Learning Posted March 13, 2012 Posted March 13, 2012 (edited) Oh how well I know this agony! You did the right thing for yourself, alliecat, by walking away from him. Sure doesn't feel like it though, huh. But you made the right call. Just keep this little thought in the back of your mind: He's kind of an @sshole. You might be idealizing him right now. I bolded the part that I especially agree with! A nice guy usually doesn't throw the temper tantrum and say he never loved you, never wanted to be with you, yada yada yada. That is a big indicator of an immature a-hole. Great point Open Book! And I too know this situation well. Been there, done that, several times in my 25 years of adulthood. Here's a tip - the brain is a big hodge podge of chemical soup. You can get stuck in a real rut, chemically, that can drag on and on. It can last a very long time (years). Consider taking an anti-depressant to get you out of the rut. Exercise, every day, is also helpful for the brain chemistry to get balanced again. I have also found that B vitamins are very essential to balancing my mood. I take a multivitamin along with additional Super B vitamins, it helps a bunch. Finally, shop for some "Sam-E". It works within HOURS (usually 1 hour) to bring on a better mood, and it lasts all day. I take 200 mg or 400 mg if 200 doesn't do the trick. Here in the USA, I buy it at the grocery store or drug store, I buy "Nature Made" brand, but any brand should suffice. Caution: Don't take Sam-E while taking an anti-depressant, or St. John's wort. They don't mix. And you do need to take B vitamins while taking Sam-E. You can google Sam-E to learn more. The great part about Sam-E, is that it works quick, whereas anti-depressants take weeks to kick in. Don't become a hermit. Make new friends, and get outside and get involved in something. Busy yourself. Give advice to others on the board. Soon enough, the fog and pain will lift. God bless. Edited March 13, 2012 by Forever Learning
Onsy Posted March 19, 2012 Posted March 19, 2012 I ended it with him over 4 months ago, and maybe I'm just experience delayed reaction but I'm still completely dying inside. To sum it up I ended a really difficult 1yr+ long LDR because he didn't love me in the same way that I loved him. He loved me in his own way, just not the way that I did, and the discrepancy was one I couldn't live with after moths of being tortured in an unhappy relationship. It was the hardest thing to do to end things with someone you are completely and utterly in love with, because you know rationally that it is the healthiest thing to do for you. The head fighting the heart. I was always a dreamer that thought the heart would always win...but I've never endured so much pain and heartbreak over unrequited love. Just like that damn Gotye song, I did exactly that---I cut him completely off--I couldn't handle being friends right away just like he wanted, and of course he is pissed about it. But I don't know if I can ever be friends with him or really get over him. I miss him so terribly much and I just want to be over it so I can have him in my life again--even if it's just as friends. I don't want to lose him forever. However, I know I'm not ready---all I think about is the possibility of us being together in the future...in some dream where years down the line we both grow and mature from all the **** that's happened and can actually have a real shot--where we are in the same place. I've NEVER been one to think about kids or marriage, but with him suddenly I did (that is a MAJOR deal for me). I wanted things I've never wanted in my life before, and I feel like I had to give everything up for my own sanity. But my heart breaks every day, even if it's subconsciously. I feel like we belong together, I feel rather hopeless to be frank. I've tried to deal and move on--everyone just says it takes time, but frankly it's utterly unbearable. I never even got to see him for the last time---I never got the closure. It pains me inside because I know when I ended it he tried so hard to keep things going. Then later he lashed out at me and said he didn't love me or want to be with me (I'm sure he was just hurt because i completely isolated him from each others' lives). Still it hurts. Salt in the wound. I can't help but feel self-deprecating, and just want to rot in my own sadness. Sometimes you just have to cry and feel bad even though your mind is just like "suck it up"...i know. I just need to rant, I just need to cry and feel completely horrible and hopeless..at least then I'm feeling something rather than trying to pretend I'm strong and fine and everything is ok and I can do better and find someone who loves me like I love them. But I always find myself here in the end. Utterly in love. Utterly heartbroken. Forever hopeful. I don´t respond usually, but I had to this, you seem to be going through exactly the same thing as me... It is truly awful.
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