starla33 Posted March 13, 2012 Posted March 13, 2012 seriously i go on tons of dates (always from online). I never meet guys I would want to go out with at bars which is probably my issue. I get a lot of male attention as I'm attractive...people stare at me on the street etc...so that is definitely not my issue. I keep going on all these dates from the internet and most of them do not work out and I don't understand why. All my guy friends have crushes on me and I'm extremely social and friendly and go out of my way to make conversation and make people feel comfortable on dates. Just had a date tonight and the guy was really nice (I feel like for some reason nice guys are scared off). The date from last week who I was attracted to who SEEMED nice and kissed me and texted me to ask if I want to hang out again has not bothered to follow up on that. He has been IMing me at work though and being friendly and acting like hes not interested in anything more than friends. WHAT the hell? I honestly can't take all of this disappointment I don't get what on earth I'm doing wrong. I want a serious relationship!
Author starla33 Posted March 13, 2012 Author Posted March 13, 2012 nice. hahaha. girls don't want nice. oh they say they want nice, but anybody whos dated before knows thats chickensht. todays lesson. don't listen to a womans words. its her actions. Trust me I'm very ready for nice. I've dated enough players when I was a little younger in my early 20's...I will not go there again.
Ninjainpajamas Posted March 13, 2012 Posted March 13, 2012 Maybe you should narrow down your search, why are you dating such a broad spectrum of men? I always find the women that do that always seem to be the most "lost" when it comes to finding men, as If it's like picking up a lotto ticket and expecting to win the big one every time...don't you realize that most lotto tickets aren't winners and most of the time if they are It's for a few bucks or another ticket? Fortunately unlike lotto tickets, it's not just up to chance. Figure out what you're really looking for in a man, break it down, and then stick to that criteria instead of feeling like "Oh I'll never find the right one...I guess I'll be single forever!" Only two weeks later you're running your mouth about some new potential guy you met, I mean c'mon, at least have a reason to your madness. Take time to really figure out what you want (besides the generic BS...tall, handsome, rich, good job, loving, caring, faithful) I mean look for an actual person with a personality who has good and bads, and just figure out what the kind of "personality" is in a guy you want or what you want his true qualities/values to be like. Then when you see these men approach them or flap your pretty little eyes or whatever gets the boys attention and let them approach you. However online dating is good, you get to sift through all the guys you don't want and message the ones you do. But don't get all frustrated and just throw your hands up in the air because a girl like you isn't used to putting in any effort. I'm not saying this is all your fault, but I see far too many women date men as If they're just rolling the dice with each one...you may have to kiss a lot of frogs to find a prince but at least invest your time with the men you feel are worthwhile and pass over the ones you aren't interested in, and maybe even develop or go for different or more stable and "nice" type of men that would be thrilled to be with a woman like you. Hate to tell ya, but If you only want to date really handsome men then they're going to have options and you're going to have to make sure they're interested in you to actually have a serious relationship with you.
Author starla33 Posted March 13, 2012 Author Posted March 13, 2012 Maybe you should narrow down your search, why are you dating such a broad spectrum of men? I always find the women that do that always seem to be the most "lost" when it comes to finding men, as If it's like picking up a lotto ticket and expecting to win the big one every time...don't you realize that most lotto tickets aren't winners and most of the time if they are It's for a few bucks or another ticket? Fortunately unlike lotto tickets, it's not just up to chance. Figure out what you're really looking for in a man, break it down, and then stick to that criteria instead of feeling like "Oh I'll never find the right one...I guess I'll be single forever!" Only two weeks later you're running your mouth about some new potential guy you met, I mean c'mon, at least have a reason to your madness. Take time to really figure out what you want (besides the generic BS...tall, handsome, rich, good job, loving, caring, faithful) I mean look for an actual person with a personality who has good and bads, and just figure out what the kind of "personality" is in a guy you want or what you want his true qualities/values to be like. Then when you see these men approach them or flap your pretty little eyes or whatever gets the boys attention and let them approach you. However online dating is good, you get to sift through all the guys you don't want and message the ones you do. But don't get all frustrated and just throw your hands up in the air because a girl like you isn't used to putting in any effort. I'm not saying this is all your fault, but I see far too many women date men as If they're just rolling the dice with each one...you may have to kiss a lot of frogs to find a prince but at least invest your time with the men you feel are worthwhile and pass over the ones you aren't interested in, and maybe even develop or go for different or more stable and "nice" type of men that would be thrilled to be with a woman like you. Hate to tell ya, but If you only want to date really handsome men then they're going to have options and you're going to have to make sure they're interested in you to actually have a serious relationship with you. Wow thanks for reading that much into it. I'm at the age I know EXACTLY what I want. Yes, I really do. And I only go out with men who's profiles match up with that. And no I'm not going for the crazy hot model guys either. I go for the average looking to cute guys that are in decent shape...thats what I go for lookwise as I work out and want someone that takes care of themselves obviously. I used to chase after guys which did not work so I have stopped doing so as it seems if they are interested in me they will come and ask me out and stop playing stupid little games like the guy from last week. Seems he goes out on tons and tons of dates on there so probably keeping me on the back burner for when he gets bored of the first dates? Of course I wouldn't go out with him at that point
Author starla33 Posted March 13, 2012 Author Posted March 13, 2012 common. single nice guys are a dime a dozen. theyre boring, dont know how to kiss and could be virgins. and theyre chicken to ask a girl out cause they don't know how. theyre easy pickings but but youll have to approcah and ladies dont do that. now lets be serious. what do you really want? fun, good time, great sex, a man who knows what he wants. a man wholl rock your world. in bed and even out of bad. a man's man. It seems that the nice average guys don't seem to exist on dating websites.
JesseJames Posted March 13, 2012 Posted March 13, 2012 You go to the bars and use the internet to find dudes and and and and have friends that want you. This bunny is doing the dance of indifference because it thinks you're lying when you say you're confused. After tons of dates and being around men, any person would start to blame themselves somewhat. Do you? Do you come across as desperate when you are extremely social... try to make things perfecto? Do you usually label men as you've stated?
Untouchable_Fire Posted March 13, 2012 Posted March 13, 2012 Wow thanks for reading that much into it. I'm at the age I know EXACTLY what I want. Yes, I really do. And I only go out with men who's profiles match up with that. And no I'm not going for the crazy hot model guys either. I go for the average looking to cute guys that are in decent shape...thats what I go for lookwise as I work out and want someone that takes care of themselves obviously. I used to chase after guys which did not work so I have stopped doing so as it seems if they are interested in me they will come and ask me out and stop playing stupid little games like the guy from last week. Seems he goes out on tons and tons of dates on there so probably keeping me on the back burner for when he gets bored of the first dates? Of course I wouldn't go out with him at that point ... So what do you want? Maybe the type you like doesn't tend to like the type you are.
Author starla33 Posted March 13, 2012 Author Posted March 13, 2012 It seems that the nice average guys don't seem to exist on dating websites. PS that nice guy I went out with like hmmm an hour ago is already on the Dating site looking for someone else (i just went to check) I don't get these people
USMCHokie Posted March 13, 2012 Posted March 13, 2012 I used to chase after guys which did not work so I have stopped doing so as it seems if they are interested in me they will come and ask me out and stop playing stupid little games like the guy from last week. Seems he goes out on tons and tons of dates on there so probably keeping me on the back burner for when he gets bored of the first dates? Of course I wouldn't go out with him at that point You have to get over the fact that you may have to be more proactive...not all the good guys are going to be aggressive as you're used to...the ones that message you first might just be throwing out blanket messages to everyone and try to reel in what they can...especially the attractive men who can rack up dates just by sending out a bunch of random messages... And take a look at your profile...is it something worthy of getting attention from a good guy...? Do you stand out from all the other pretty faces...? Or is it a generic profile with good pictures...? The good guys more often than not will look beyond the pictures...
Author starla33 Posted March 13, 2012 Author Posted March 13, 2012 You go to the bars and use the internet to find dudes and and and and have friends that want you. This bunny is doing the dance of indifference because it thinks you're lying when you say you're confused. After tons of dates and being around men, any person would start to blame themselves somewhat. Do you? Do you come across as desperate when you are extremely social... try to make things perfecto? Do you usually label men as you've stated? Huh? I'm not desperate at all actually it just really hurts to keep going and not getting the results I want. When I do meet a guy in person (which is rare) we definitely go on more than one date. I don't know what it is about online, but it is REALLY getting to me.
Author starla33 Posted March 13, 2012 Author Posted March 13, 2012 You have to get over the fact that you may have to be more proactive...not all the good guys are going to be aggressive as you're used to...the ones that message you first might just be throwing out blanket messages to everyone and try to reel in what they can...especially the attractive men who can rack up dates just by sending out a bunch of random messages... And take a look at your profile...is it something worthy of getting attention from a good guy...? Do you stand out from all the other pretty faces...? Or is it a generic profile with good pictures...? The good guys more often than not will look beyond the pictures... Trust me it's not my profile, my profile is really great and funny etc...it's very me and has a lot of personality in it. I wouldn't change it as I do get guys that are my type with it usually. Yeah I've emailed a few people that really stood out as well and went on dates....I really don't know what it is. I see these people on there all the time so obviously they just keep going and going. I wouldn't mind asking a guy on a 2nd date, but honestly if a guy has already asked me on a 2nd date and I said yes....like guy from last week. Isn't it obvious I would go out again?
USMCHokie Posted March 13, 2012 Posted March 13, 2012 seriously i go on tons of dates... This jumped out at me big time when I reread your first post. What are your standards for all of these dates? If you are going on so many dates, then of course your "failure rate" will be abnormally high, because you're not doing a very good job of filtering these men out before you actually decide to meet them. I'm not saying your approach is wrong; perhaps your primary filter is the first date and not the first few messages online. That would give you more "bad dates" than someone whose primary filter was a person's profile, or their first message, or the first phone call, etc. You get the idea. Trust me it's not my profile, my profile is really great and funny etc...it's very me and has a lot of personality in it. I wouldn't change it as I do get guys that are my type with it usually. Yeah I've emailed a few people that really stood out as well and went on dates....I really don't know what it is. I see these people on there all the time so obviously they just keep going and going. So is it you who usually isn't too excited about the guys, or the guys who usually aren't too excited about you after the first date...?
Author starla33 Posted March 13, 2012 Author Posted March 13, 2012 This jumped out at me big time when I reread your first post. What are your standards for all of these dates? If you are going on so many dates, then of course your "failure rate" will be abnormally high, because you're not doing a very good job of filtering these men out before you actually decide to meet them. I'm not saying your approach is wrong; perhaps your primary filter is the first date and not the first few messages online. That would give you more "bad dates" than someone whose primary filter was a person's profile, or their first message, or the first phone call, etc. You get the idea. So is it you who usually isn't too excited about the guys, or the guys who usually aren't too excited about you after the first date...? Ok so by a ton of dates I mean one date a week. Is that a ton? I definitely FILTER a lot. and it really depends. Obviously some guys don't end up looking like their pictures or lie about something and I'm not interested after that, but some other guys act interested and then never follow through.
Ninjainpajamas Posted March 13, 2012 Posted March 13, 2012 Wow thanks for reading that much into it. I'm at the age I know EXACTLY what I want. Yes, I really do. And I only go out with men who's profiles match up with that. And no I'm not going for the crazy hot model guys either. I go for the average looking to cute guys that are in decent shape...thats what I go for lookwise as I work out and want someone that takes care of themselves obviously. I used to chase after guys which did not work so I have stopped doing so as it seems if they are interested in me they will come and ask me out and stop playing stupid little games like the guy from last week. Seems he goes out on tons and tons of dates on there so probably keeping me on the back burner for when he gets bored of the first dates? Of course I wouldn't go out with him at that point So you go out on TONS of dates with guys who have great potential? You must be the guy whisperer to do so well! You want someone to come in here and tell you what exactly your problem is with a handful of piss poor, redundant and typical facts that mostly any woman on a dating site can relate to you and yet you have the nerve to shoot everyone's observations down? Maybe you should be less of a brat and do the attention whore thing somewhere else. 1
Author starla33 Posted March 13, 2012 Author Posted March 13, 2012 So you go out on TONS of dates with guys who have great potential? You must be the guy whisperer to do so well! You want someone to come in here and tell you what exactly your problem is with a handful of piss poor, redundant and typical facts that mostly any woman on a dating site can relate to you and yet you have the nerve to shoot everyone's observations down? Maybe you should be less of a brat and do the attention whore thing somewhere else. I'm not trying to be an attention whore. I was literally very upset about these guys as I would have seen both of them for a 2nd date. I'm sure I guess a lot of girls can relate from dating sites. I just don't get how people handle it
Untouchable_Fire Posted March 13, 2012 Posted March 13, 2012 Stop being so adversarial and explain what you want. Nobody is going to be able to help if you can't tell them what you are looking for... and by what methods you are trying to get it. The info so far is just WAY TOO GENERIC.
JesseJames Posted March 13, 2012 Posted March 13, 2012 It sounds like you're on the fattish side. Are you?
Author starla33 Posted March 13, 2012 Author Posted March 13, 2012 Stop being so adversarial and explain what you want. Nobody is going to be able to help if you can't tell them what you are looking for... and by what methods you are trying to get it. The info so far is just WAY TOO GENERIC. I just told you I look for a guy a little older that has all the qualities I'm looking for in his profile. Someone attractive ETC. Previously I DID date guys that were very hot, but these hot guys never wanted anything serious. So I have started going for average, which seems to not be helping as they seem to be getting just as many options. I'm really not into competition and this online dating thing seems like a war zone. Yes I get them on a date, but then the next day they have a date with someone else. How is one to win?
USMCHokie Posted March 13, 2012 Posted March 13, 2012 I'm really not into competition and this online dating thing seems like a war zone. Yes I get them on a date, but then the next day they have a date with someone else. How is one to win? How is one to win? Be more awesome than everyone else. If you expect the guys you date to be quality guys, then you have to be a quality girl that stands out above the rest. If there is a steady pattern of guys who are not responsive to second dates, then it might behoove you to look inward...
GildedLily Posted March 13, 2012 Posted March 13, 2012 Hey Starla, I feel like I may be one of the few girl posters to answer you but I think you need other ways of meeting guys besides online, like have a few different "lines" out to catch the fish you want. One of those lines could be online dating but another one could be asking your friends to think of any single guys they know that they could set you up with...etc etc.. cast more lines. I had the same situation you are describing see my thread about about the guy who went online right after our first date lol. I have since then found someone who I didn't meet on OLD. With online dating I found it to be extremely good for guys who took good pics; and many of the men I met I would've have went for at all if I met them the traditional way. I took this to mean that a lot of average dudes with good pics and good professions listed were getting a lot more "play" than they normally would get, setting up the illusion that it was SO HARD to even keep a regular guy's attention, when in reality these guys were not "all that" and just happened to be marketing themselves in a way that got them a bunch of interest ONLINE. I eventually cut my losses and met the right one at a job interview:p Keep at it but cast more lines!!!
Author starla33 Posted March 13, 2012 Author Posted March 13, 2012 Hey Starla, I feel like I may be one of the few girl posters to answer you but I think you need other ways of meeting guys besides online, like have a few different "lines" out to catch the fish you want. One of those lines could be online dating but another one could be asking your friends to think of any single guys they know that they could set you up with...etc etc.. cast more lines. I had the same situation you are describing see my thread about about the guy who went online right after our first date lol. I have since then found someone who I didn't meet on OLD. With online dating I found it to be extremely good for guys who took good pics; and many of the men I met I would've have went for at all if I met them the traditional way. I took this to mean that a lot of average dudes with good pics and good professions listed were getting a lot more "play" than they normally would get, setting up the illusion that it was SO HARD to even keep a regular guy's attention, when in reality these guys were not "all that" and just happened to be marketing themselves in a way that got them a bunch of interest ONLINE. I eventually cut my losses and met the right one at a job interview:p Keep at it but cast more lines!!! Exactly this is how I feel. I can't believe the guys on here just assume I'm fat or ugly and can't keep a guy. It is so strange as one of the guys I went out with said exactly this. He never meets girls the normal way as they don't pay much attention to him but he gets tons of dates from online and is addicted to just keep going. I just don't get how it got so bad? I do need to get off the site and find other ways for sure. And ps. I'm not fat I just said I'm attractive. I've modeled and I work out. I have actually had online guys tell me I'm intimidating and I'm not sure why as I'm super nice. Obviously they tell me this before they meet me And they say I really look like my pictures if that helps
RedRobin Posted March 13, 2012 Posted March 13, 2012 (edited) Hey Starla, I feel like I may be one of the few girl posters to answer you but I think you need other ways of meeting guys besides online, like have a few different "lines" out to catch the fish you want. One of those lines could be online dating but another one could be asking your friends to think of any single guys they know that they could set you up with...etc etc.. cast more lines. I had the same situation you are describing see my thread about about the guy who went online right after our first date lol. I have since then found someone who I didn't meet on OLD. With online dating I found it to be extremely good for guys who took good pics; and many of the men I met I would've have went for at all if I met them the traditional way. I took this to mean that a lot of average dudes with good pics and good professions listed were getting a lot more "play" than they normally would get, setting up the illusion that it was SO HARD to even keep a regular guy's attention, when in reality these guys were not "all that" and just happened to be marketing themselves in a way that got them a bunch of interest ONLINE. I eventually cut my losses and met the right one at a job interview:p Keep at it but cast more lines!!! Starla, I have to back up what the above poster said. When I was doing OLD, I didn't screen for height, income, type of job, amount of hair.. or a bunch of other superficial stuff. Really. Besides appearing to be a man of character, close to my age, and someone who takes care of himself... that was it. Pretty low bar (except the character thing... that I've very rarely found online). Most of the men there are looking for some quick sex. If they don't sense you are gonna put out in the first few dates, they are moving on. And that's almost all of them. Don't eliminate it entirely, but focus your efforts offline. I still keep up a profile without pics that I use to occasionally screen. If I see someone I'm interested in, I'll email him first and attach pics. Actually, that has worked TONS better than waiting for the guys to contact you. I'll add that you will probably have to work a little harder offline too. Way too many men have gotten 'lazy' when it comes to approaching women even offline. Way too easy to sit at home behind the computer and surf thru pics. Even if 99% of them end up nowhere. Edited March 13, 2012 by RedRobin
stillafool Posted March 13, 2012 Posted March 13, 2012 seriously i go on tons of dates (always from online). I never meet guys I would want to go out with at bars which is probably my issue. I get a lot of male attention as I'm attractive...people stare at me on the street etc...so that is definitely not my issue. I keep going on all these dates from the internet and most of them do not work out and I don't understand why. All my guy friends have crushes on me and I'm extremely social and friendly and go out of my way to make conversation and make people feel comfortable on dates. Just had a date tonight and the guy was really nice (I feel like for some reason nice guys are scared off). The date from last week who I was attracted to who SEEMED nice and kissed me and texted me to ask if I want to hang out again has not bothered to follow up on that. He has been IMing me at work though and being friendly and acting like hes not interested in anything more than friends. WHAT the hell? I honestly can't take all of this disappointment I don't get what on earth I'm doing wrong. I want a serious relationship! Maybe you should stop online dating.
xpaperxcutx Posted March 13, 2012 Posted March 13, 2012 Sometimes what you're looking for isn't really what you wanted in the first place. I met my current guy on OLD but he was the one who contacted me first. At first I didn't pay him much attention because I was still in GIGS mode, and while we did chat and eventually exchanged numbers, I was reluctant about meeting him. I backburned him for half a month before I even asked him out. My advice is to give at least every guy a chance but not to put your eggs in one basket. OLD can give you options but the return in terms of success is slimmer than actually meeting a guy in real life. Almost every guy who has initiated FIRST, I have had a date with. It's the second date you have to worry about. If they're not following through with a second, move on. Don't dwell on the disappointment because then you're giving them more credit where credit isn't due.
Author starla33 Posted March 13, 2012 Author Posted March 13, 2012 Sometimes what you're looking for isn't really what you wanted in the first place. I met my current guy on OLD but he was the one who contacted me first. At first I didn't pay him much attention because I was still in GIGS mode, and while we did chat and eventually exchanged numbers, I was reluctant about meeting him. I backburned him for half a month before I even asked him out. My advice is to give at least every guy a chance but not to put your eggs in one basket. OLD can give you options but the return in terms of success is slimmer than actually meeting a guy in real life. Almost every guy who has initiated FIRST, I have had a date with. It's the second date you have to worry about. If they're not following through with a second, move on. Don't dwell on the disappointment because then you're giving them more credit where credit isn't due. Yea it's strange I have started giving less attractive nice guys a chance (or they seem nice on there) and nope they get just as many dates as the other guys and sit on the dating site all day. What is going on with this thing. Totally ruining dating
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