Zonk Posted March 13, 2012 Posted March 13, 2012 I'm a kind of drunk so sorry if this post sucks, blame the half bottle of Wild Turkey floating around in my veins. My wife and I used to have an awesome sex life. Really, really awesome. I'm 22 and we've been together for 4 years. We used to have sex like 5-6 times a day. That was great. I wish we had done it more. Then, she got this magical disease called endometriosis right around the time we got married. Sex got rarer and rarer until it stopped. Then all affection stopped. I am always sad. My job requires that I work like 80 hours a week. She never takes off her clothes in front of me, or does anything to help with my desires. Even our kisses are just quick pecks. She'ss degraded from a wife into an expensive room mate. Every day I am depressed, it's been like a year without sex right now. All I do is work, eat, sleep, work, eat, sleep, work, eat sleep, work, eat sleep, work, eat sleep, work, eat sleep, work, eat sleep, work, eat sleep, work, eat sleep, work, eat sleep, work, eat sleep, work, eat sleep, work, eat sleep, work, eat sleep, work, eat sleep, work, eat sleep, work, eat sleep, work, eat sleep, work, eat sleep, work, eat sleep, work, eat sleep, work, eat sleep, work, eat sleep, work, eat sleep, work, eat sleep, work, eat sleep, work, eat sleep, work, eat sleep, work, eat sleep, work, eat sleep, work, eat sleep, work, eat sleep, work, eat sleep, work, eat sleep, work, eat sleep, work, eat sleep, work, eat sleep, work, eat sleep, work, eat sleep, work, eat sleep, work, eat sleep, work, eat sleep, work, eat sleep, work, eat sleep, work, eat sleep, work, eat sleep. I'm paying for my wife to finish college, working a job where I get like 2/3 what I deserve. She spends all of her time with a migraine or playing Farmville. Our bedroom is dead. It's getting really hard not to fantasize abput other women. That makes me feel bad, because we're married, but I know that if I try to have sex with her, the answer is no. Always no. Always no. Always no. Always no. Always no. Always no. Always no. Always no. Always no. Always no. Always no. Always no. Always no. Always no. Always no. Always no. Always no. Always no. Always no. Always no. Always no. Always no. Always no. Always no. Always no. Always no. Always no. Always no. Always no. Always no. Always no. Always no. Always no. Always no. Always no. Always no. Always no. Always no. I want to die.
Author Zonk Posted March 13, 2012 Author Posted March 13, 2012 I hope strangers will care, but they won't.
soserious1 Posted March 13, 2012 Posted March 13, 2012 I hope strangers will care, but they won't. People do care, my marriage was close to sexless for a couple of years & totally sexless for the last year. You are a very young man, there are no children involved, I say you two either need to fix this or you need to decide to end it. These are supposed to be the best years of your life. 4
standtall Posted March 13, 2012 Posted March 13, 2012 Dude..hang in there you've come to the right place. Stop drinking, shut off your mind, go to bed, and post in the morning. 3
CarrieT Posted March 13, 2012 Posted March 13, 2012 Have you researched endometriosis? Do you realize how excruciatingly painful it can be? If your wife really has it, you should pity her and do everything you can to make her life more comfortable and stop pitying yourself. "In sickness and in health" - remember??? Get over yourself.
soserious1 Posted March 13, 2012 Posted March 13, 2012 Have you researched endometriosis? Do you realize how excruciatingly painful it can be? If your wife really has it, you should pity her and do everything you can to make her life more comfortable and stop pitying yourself. "In sickness and in health" - remember??? Get over yourself. so painful that it prevents her from using her hands or mouth? Sorry but this guy is a kid, 22 yrs old breaking his butt 80 hours a week to send his wife to school, they haven't had sex of any kind for 1 year with zero relief in sight. 2
BetheButterfly Posted March 13, 2012 Posted March 13, 2012 I'm a kind of drunk so sorry if this post sucks, blame the half bottle of Wild Turkey floating around in my veins. My wife and I used to have an awesome sex life. Really, really awesome. I'm 22 and we've been together for 4 years. We used to have sex like 5-6 times a day. That was great. I wish we had done it more. Then, she got this magical disease called endometriosis right around the time we got married. Sex got rarer and rarer until it stopped. Then all affection stopped. I am always sad. My job requires that I work like 80 hours a week. She never takes off her clothes in front of me, or does anything to help with my desires. Even our kisses are just quick pecks. She'ss degraded from a wife into an expensive room mate. Every day I am depressed, it's been like a year without sex right now. All I do is work, eat, sleep, work, eat, sleep, work, eat sleep, work, eat sleep, work, eat sleep, work, eat sleep, work, eat sleep, work, eat sleep, work, eat sleep, work, eat sleep, work, eat sleep, work, eat sleep, work, eat sleep, work, eat sleep, work, eat sleep, work, eat sleep, work, eat sleep, work, eat sleep, work, eat sleep, work, eat sleep, work, eat sleep, work, eat sleep, work, eat sleep, work, eat sleep, work, eat sleep, work, eat sleep, work, eat sleep, work, eat sleep, work, eat sleep, work, eat sleep, work, eat sleep, work, eat sleep, work, eat sleep, work, eat sleep, work, eat sleep, work, eat sleep, work, eat sleep, work, eat sleep, work, eat sleep, work, eat sleep, work, eat sleep, work, eat sleep, work, eat sleep, work, eat sleep, work, eat sleep, work, eat sleep. I'm paying for my wife to finish college, working a job where I get like 2/3 what I deserve. She spends all of her time with a migraine or playing Farmville. Our bedroom is dead. It's getting really hard not to fantasize abput other women. That makes me feel bad, because we're married, but I know that if I try to have sex with her, the answer is no. Always no. Always no. Always no. Always no. Always no. Always no. Always no. Always no. Always no. Always no. Always no. Always no. Always no. Always no. Always no. Always no. Always no. Always no. Always no. Always no. Always no. Always no. Always no. Always no. Always no. Always no. Always no. Always no. Always no. Always no. Always no. Always no. Always no. Always no. Always no. Always no. Always no. Always no. I want to die. Don't die. Go to sleep. Tomorrow, write her the following note: "(Insert wife's name), we used to have an awesome sex life. Really, really awesome.We 've been together for 4 years. We used to have sex like 5-6 times a day. That was great. I wish we had done it more. What happened to us? I am always sad. Every day I am depressed, it's been like a year without sex right now. All I do is work, eat, sleep, work, eat, sleep, work, eat sleep, work, eat sleep, work, eat sleep, work, eat sleep, work, eat sleep, work, eat sleep, work, eat sleep, work, eat sleep, work, eat sleep, work, eat sleep, work, eat sleep, work, eat sleep, work, eat sleep, work, eat sleep, work, eat sleep, work, eat sleep, work, eat sleep, work, eat sleep, work, eat sleep, work, eat sleep, work, eat sleep, work, eat sleep, work, eat sleep, work, eat sleep, work, eat sleep, work, eat sleep, work, eat sleep, work, eat sleep, work, eat sleep, work, eat sleep, work, eat sleep, work, eat sleep, work, eat sleep, work, eat sleep, work, eat sleep, work, eat sleep, work, eat sleep, work, eat sleep, work, eat sleep, work, eat sleep, work, eat sleep, work, eat sleep, work, eat sleep, work, eat sleep. I miss sex and have been faithful to you. We're married, but I know that if I try to have sex with you, the answer is no. Always no. Always no. Always no. Always no. Always no. Always no. Always no. Always no. Always no. Always no. Always no. Always no. Always no. Always no. Always no. Always no. Always no. Always no. Always no. Always no. Always no. Always no. Always no. Always no. Always no. Always no. Always no. Always no. Always no. Always no. Always no. Always no. Always no. Always no. Always no. Always no. Always no. Always no. I want to die. Please, if you love me, what can we do to fix this? I love you. I want to have sex with you. Why don't you want to have sex with me?" See how she responds. Hopefully she will respond with heartfelt sincerity and love. If she responds negatively, you have a big problem, and you can calmly and kindly tell her that you don't want to live in sexless marriage. See if you can go to counseling together. Hopefully this marriage can be saved and the sex too!
xxoo Posted March 13, 2012 Posted March 13, 2012 Have you researched endometriosis? Do you realize how excruciatingly painful it can be? But not a reason to become roommates! Sexuality is such a huge spectrum. If the two of you communicate, care, and consider each other (do NOT push for anything that causes her pain), you should be able to find ways to stay close and be sexual together. She is disregarding your needs. She probably feels that you've disregarded her needs, or her pain. Push for marriage counseling. At your age, and with no kids, there is no reason to stay if it makes you miserable. And step away from the Wild Turkey. Alcohol is a depressant, and you don't need to feel more depressed. 3
whichwayisup Posted March 13, 2012 Posted March 13, 2012 Your wife sounds like she's depressed too, not only with her health issue. She needs to make effort to cuddle, kiss and just be with you, fool around and stuff if she isn't able to have physical sex. You also need to show her you do love her. In actions, with flowers.. Go out on dates and get her out of the house, make her feel special and loved. It's a two way street to keep the marriage on track and good. Life can be tough at times and right now is the test of how strong your marriage truly is. Talk to her. Be active in helping her find a good Dr who can help her with her pain.. This condition isn't her fault - Though her shutting you out and choosing to spend the day playing farmville IS her fault. Remember why you two got married? Other than sex, what else do you enjoy doing with your wife? 2
Mme. Chaucer Posted March 13, 2012 Posted March 13, 2012 I had endometriosis and was very ill because of it. If I had done ANY kind of sexual act during the worst of it, I would have been completely miserable. I could barely walk around. If my husband required that I "use my mouth or hands" to relieve his sexual tension while I was suffering so much, I would have felt like I hated him and it would have been even more damaging to the relationship than a hiatus from sex. I was in pain and I needed support from my loved one. Fortunately, my ex husband was understanding. I had minor surgery and all was well. That said, though, this couple sounds like they have a major communication breakdown. OP, come back when you're sober. 5
frozensprouts Posted March 13, 2012 Posted March 13, 2012 (edited) OP, I am sorry you are in this situation... Has your wife seen a doctor and had any suggestions for a program of treatment? Endometriosis can be excruciatingly painful all the time, sex or not. A doctor or specialist may be able to help come up with a treatment plan that will relieve her pain and make her a happier person. Chronic pain can lead to severe depression, and some of the pain meds. used to treat it can also cause depression and lethargy. ( I can attest to that...I have a health issue that causes chronic pain, and my doctor was really good about working with me to find a medication that made the pain manageable with the fewest side effects. For me, it's morphine). Show your support to your wife through this. Talk to her about how she feels, if you can get to medical appointments with her, that would be great. One question: has he doctor told her it may affect her fertility? If he has, that could be very, very difficult for someone who wanted children. Maybe she is depressed about that too. Try and talk to her and see if she'll open up. Explain to her why you want sex...that it's an expression of your love for her, and that you are more than willing to try and find a way that the two of you can have sex that's the least painful for her. Explain that while you ( very much:laugh:) enjoyed things the way they used to be, you understand that right now that would be painful for her, and you don't want to hurt her so you'd like to find a way to be sexual with her that doesn't hurt her. ( something to consider too, is that she may be "angry" with herself right now. If she knows how much you used to enjoy having sex so often, but she knows she can't because of the pain, she may feel guilty and that she's failing you as a wife. She may even be afraid that you won't love her anymore. This is not your fault at all, but you can do a lot about making her feel better. Talk to her about it, tell her that you love her and there are other ways she can make you happy sexually even if, right now, she can't have intercourse. ) the biggest key for you right now is to talk to her about how you feel in a way that allows you to air your feelings without making her feel guilty. You need to let your feelings out and have them heard. the worth of your marriage is how well it stands the test of a difficult situation like this. if you have done your best to work this problem out and you still feel that she isn't doing her part, then you will have some difficult decisions to make. but at least you will know you have done your best in your marriage. good luck to you. Edited March 13, 2012 by frozensprouts
oldguy Posted March 13, 2012 Posted March 13, 2012 These are supposed to be the best years of your life. Actually, they pretty much suck. You couldn't pay me to be in my 20's again, especially my early 20's. Just saying.
carhill Posted March 13, 2012 Posted March 13, 2012 So, married at 18 and the endometriosis struck at that tender young age, right around the time of marriage. Hmmm... What did her most recent endoscopy reveal? What prognosis and/or plans of treatment have been considered/suggested/planned by her doctor? This disease can destroy her fertility and I'd think that would be a major issue in a M for most people. Are migraines typical of patients suffering from endometriosis? New studies suggest they may be connected. What I'm driving at here is to be a supportive and loving husband, but also proactive and a leader. There are solutions out there. Find them. Drag her to the doctor's if needed. Do your part. If she continues to hang like a lead weight, cut the line. Marriage is a two-way street. Even if ill, her humanity and responsibility as a human haven't departed. She can show a modicum of affection and appreciation to the person who is loving and supporting her. Insist upon it or cut her loose.
frozensprouts Posted March 13, 2012 Posted March 13, 2012 So, married at 18 and the endometriosis struck at that tender young age, right around the time of marriage. Hmmm... What did her most recent endoscopy reveal? What prognosis and/or plans of treatment have been considered/suggested/planned by her doctor? This disease can destroy her fertility and I'd think that would be a major issue in a M for most people. Are migraines typical of patients suffering from endometriosis? New studies suggest they may be connected. What I'm driving at here is to be a supportive and loving husband, but also proactive and a leader. There are solutions out there. Find them. Drag her to the doctor's if needed. Do your part. If she continues to hang like a lead weight, cut the line. Marriage is a two-way street. Even if ill, her humanity and responsibility as a human haven't departed. She can show a modicum of affection and appreciation to the person who is loving and supporting her. Insist upon it or cut her loose. to paraphrase the OP 'the she got that magical disease called endometriosis". Maybe it was the alcohol, but that doesn't sound like he supports or understands her position at all. Not to sound condescending or anything, but it can be very painful, and I don't know if men can really understand it ( just like I don't know if women can really understand how painful it is for men to be kicked "in their man area":laugh:)... I have a friend with this condition ( endometriosis, not pain from being kicked in the crotch:laugh:) and it is horrible painful. there are days she can hardly walk, it hurts so much. Her doctors have prescribed some hormonal meds., but they make her sick, gain weight, and have carry the risk of more serious side effects e.g.-( plus they don't control her symptoms very effectively). There have been other treatments suggested, but if she has those, she most likely will never be bale to have children, which was something she has always considered important. needless to say, she is very depressed.For many women, being told that they can't ever have a child of their own can be devastating and make them feel like a 'failure"( I don't agree, but that's easy for me to say as I have not been in that situation) This is a time where the OP wife may need him more than ever. By working through this together, and finding ways to be loving towards one another, they may come out of this with a very strong marriage. When my friend finally opened up enough to her husband about how she felt, he just held her and let her cry. He told her he loved her no matter what, and they would find a way through it together. She knows that he loves her, and that won't change. She feels very loved and is more than happy to reciprocate...they can't have "conventional sex' right now, but she tells me they are doing "other things" that make him happy.
soserious1 Posted March 13, 2012 Posted March 13, 2012 Your wife sounds like she's depressed too, not only with her health issue. She needs to make effort to cuddle, kiss and just be with you, fool around and stuff if she isn't able to have physical sex. You also need to show her you do love her. In actions, with flowers.. Go out on dates and get her out of the house, make her feel special and loved. It's a two way street to keep the marriage on track and good. Life can be tough at times and right now is the test of how strong your marriage truly is. Talk to her. Be active in helping her find a good Dr who can help her with her pain.. This condition isn't her fault - Though her shutting you out and choosing to spend the day playing farmville IS her fault. Remember why you two got married? Other than sex, what else do you enjoy doing with your wife? This young man is working 80 hours a week to pay for his wife's college education, how much more "special" can he make her? He's sacrificing plenty in terms of rest & free time to support her in her goals. I am once again amazed at the lack of support shown here for a spouse in a sexless marriage. The OP is 22, he's not cheating, he's working his buns off trying to be a support to his wife. Why is there so little empathy on this forum for the bread winning spouse in sexless marriages? 1
carhill Posted March 13, 2012 Posted March 13, 2012 OP, would you say a wiser choice might be, rather than fund a woman in obvious pain through college, to divert those resources to resolving her health issues so she can meet the challenges of higher education pain-free and head-on with confidence? It must be difficult facing college in constant pain with migraines. Debilitating. I see some tough choices coming that a bottle of booze won't fix. Try something else. 1
soserious1 Posted March 13, 2012 Posted March 13, 2012 I have tons of empathy for him. People here are trying to help him, and help him to understand that endo is excruciatingly painful but treatable. I had surgery and take bioidentical hormone therapy. I now have the sex drive of a 16-year old, and we have a very fulfilling sex life. There's hope out there for fixing the problem aside from demanding blowjobs. I wasn't hearing him "demand" anything, what I was hearing is a 22 yr old saying that he wants to die because all his life consists of is work,eat,sleep, work with zero affection or attention from his spouse. The spouse he's working his butt off to support, the spouse that he loves & that he feels guilty over because after 1 year with zero sexual attention of any sort he now feels guilty about because his mind is dwelling on thoughts of sex & other women. I'm not seeing demands, I'm seeing a man in pain too!
carhill Posted March 13, 2012 Posted March 13, 2012 Soserious, thanks for clarifying something for me. I mis-read and thought they had been married four years where apparently it's only one year, but together four, since 18. My advice would be to work less, suspend the wife's education temporarily and make solving this health issue the team's #1 priority. That might/will involve medical and psychological professionals and take time away from other pursuits. So be it. Give it the full weight of intellect, care and effort. If the M turns out to be irreconcilable, accept it. 3
Mme. Chaucer Posted March 13, 2012 Posted March 13, 2012 Truly, if there were no other circumstances here at all besides one sexually frustrated person and one who was chronically ill, I would have more sympathy for the chronically ill. I think the OP suspects that his wife is using endometriosis as an excuse not to have sex, because he called it a "magical" disease. That might be the case, but we don't know. So, I am assuming that she is actually suffering from endometriosis. His work schedule and supporting her through school don't have anything to do with it; these facts of their lives don't signal that she should be "servicing" his sexual needs when she is very sick and in pain. Now I am just going on a flight of fancy based upon my own experience: This condition is terribly painful and hard to live with on a daily basis. It's WAY worse at period time, and getting sexually aroused exacerbates it too because of blood engorgement in the area. It's also well known to seriously impair fertility. It has psychological ramifications. It can make a woman feel very negative about her own reproductive system and anything to do with it. It can really stamp out sexual feelings. Also concern about her fertility might make her even more shut down. On top of this - guilt trips, anger, drinking, self pity from her husband instead of support - this really needs to stop if this marriage is going to recover once the medical problem is ameliorated (it's not really curable). I can see how she would really want to cut herself off. I agree with Carhill, though, that she certainly owes it to herself AND her marriage, and her husband (not so he can finally get his rocks off, either - but because married people OWE it to one another to take care of themselves so that they can give their best, which includes a good sex life) to get this medically addressed and I wonder if she's doing so. In this case, which admittedly I know little about, I would suggest the husband pull himself up by the bootstraps and focus on getting this condition treated and resolved. HELP her to do this, and not with a "give to get" attitude. Let her know that you are missing your sex life and it's extremely important to you, and you are really looking forward to getting it back. Then, stop pressuring her and feeling sorry for yourself about it while the two of you work on her recovery. If she is not willing to put her best efforts into this, THEN you have a real problem. You don't have to put yourself and your needs and wishes second all the time, but when you are married, you really will need to do so often. 5
soserious1 Posted March 13, 2012 Posted March 13, 2012 Truly, if there were no other circumstances here at all besides one sexually frustrated person and one who was chronically ill, I would have more sympathy for the chronically ill. I think the OP suspects that his wife is using endometriosis as an excuse not to have sex, because he called it a "magical" disease. That might be the case, but we don't know. So, I am assuming that she is actually suffering from endometriosis. His work schedule and supporting her through school don't have anything to do with it; these facts of their lives don't signal that she should be "servicing" his sexual needs when she is very sick and in pain. Now I am just going on a flight of fancy based upon my own experience: This condition is terribly painful and hard to live with on a daily basis. It's WAY worse at period time, and getting sexually aroused exacerbates it too because of blood engorgement in the area. It's also well known to seriously impair fertility. It has psychological ramifications. It can make a woman feel very negative about her own reproductive system and anything to do with it. It can really stamp out sexual feelings. Also concern about her fertility might make her even more shut down. On top of this - guilt trips, anger, drinking, self pity from her husband instead of support - this really needs to stop if this marriage is going to recover once the medical problem is ameliorated (it's not really curable). I can see how she would really want to cut herself off. I agree with Carhill, though, that she certainly owes it to herself AND her marriage, and her husband (not so he can finally get his rocks off, either - but because married people OWE it to one another to take care of themselves so that they can give their best, which includes a good sex life) to get this medically addressed and I wonder if she's doing so. In this case, which admittedly I know little about, I would suggest the husband pull himself up by the bootstraps and focus on getting this condition treated and resolved. HELP her to do this, and not with a "give to get" attitude. Let her know that you are missing your sex life and it's extremely important to you, and you are really looking forward to getting it back. Then, stop pressuring her and feeling sorry for yourself about it while the two of you work on her recovery. If she is not willing to put her best efforts into this, THEN you have a real problem. You don't have to put yourself and your needs and wishes second all the time, but when you are married, you really will need to do so often. So where should this man go for support with his needs & problems? 1
Mme. Chaucer Posted March 13, 2012 Posted March 13, 2012 So where should this man go for support with his needs & problems? As I said, in a healthy marriage, sometimes one person needs to put themselves in second place. It will happen over and over if the marriage lasts for years. If someone is chronically ill, the partners need to work as a unit to see it through. The care of the sick person will take precedence over the needs and wants of the healthy person. The healthy one really does need to make sure to take care of themselves, and not get consumed by the illness, but that doesn't mean that they are going to, for example, be sexually satisfied. I saw this with my own (now dead) parents - when my father had cancer, my mom's "needs and problems" were not being supported by him. He was a jerk of a patient, too (rest his soul, I loved him). And later - when she started going down with Alzheimer's - he was not going to have his needs and problems taken care of by her, ever again. They didn't have the most beautiful relationship, either, but they did understand that in a marriage is a deal where sometimes you are NOT going to get out of it what you expected, or what you put into it, or whatever. And there can be a lot of such times. If you're going to get married, you should be ready for it if you'd like to stay married.
soserious1 Posted March 13, 2012 Posted March 13, 2012 As I said, in a healthy marriage, sometimes one person needs to put themselves in second place. It will happen over and over if the marriage lasts for years. If someone is chronically ill, the partners need to work as a unit to see it through. The care of the sick person will take precedence over the needs and wants of the healthy person. The healthy one really does need to make sure to take care of themselves, and not get consumed by the illness, but that doesn't mean that they are going to, for example, be sexually satisfied. I saw this with my own (now dead) parents - when my father had cancer, my mom's "needs and problems" were not being supported by him. He was a jerk of a patient, too (rest his soul, I loved him). And later - when she started going down with Alzheimer's - he was not going to have his needs and problems taken care of by her, ever again. They didn't have the most beautiful relationship, either, but they did understand that in a marriage is a deal where sometimes you are NOT going to get out of it what you expected, or what you put into it, or whatever. And there can be a lot of such times. If you're going to get married, you should be ready for it if you'd like to stay married. Okay, he's been putting her needs first for one year & will continue yoked into his mule harness working 80 hour weeks & getting nothing out of it except the expectation that he get up & continue doing so for the rest of his life? no support, no help for him, just a kick in the pants & admonishments against him for being selfish? Sorry, I don't blame the guy for wanting to die, it looks a lot more attractive than his current existence.
Mme. Chaucer Posted March 13, 2012 Posted March 13, 2012 Help for him, from my perspective, would be to encourage him to take the lead in getting his wife healthy again so they can enjoy their marriage. If they both want to have a decent future together. Sorry, but one year is not a death sentence. And if he really can't handle it, or if she really won't try to recover, or is just using a fake medical excuse to avoid him because she can't stand him anymore - then I guess they made a mistake in marrying and should divorce. They are super young.
soserious1 Posted March 13, 2012 Posted March 13, 2012 Help for him, from my perspective, would be to encourage him to take the lead in getting his wife healthy again so they can enjoy their marriage. If they both want to have a decent future together. Sorry, but one year is not a death sentence. And if he really can't handle it, or if she really won't try to recover, or is just using a fake medical excuse to avoid him because she can't stand him anymore - then I guess they made a mistake in marrying and should divorce. They are super young. So, in addition to the 80 hours he puts in to pay her bills, he should now also stop sleeping to oversee her medical care? Do spouses who won't have sex ever have ANY responsibility for anything besides spending the breadwinner's paycheck?
Mme. Chaucer Posted March 13, 2012 Posted March 13, 2012 So, in addition to the 80 hours he puts in to pay her bills, he should now also stop sleeping to oversee her medical care? Do spouses who won't have sex ever have ANY responsibility for anything besides spending the breadwinner's paycheck? People who CHOOSE MARRIAGE have responsibility to each other. I can't really believe that you can't, or won't see this. It's too bad that this hit them in the first year of their marriage, but married people WiLL go through times like this (where one is sick and not "providing" sex) over and over again. Whether they are the "breadwinner" or not has little if anything to do with it. 3
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