ja123 Posted March 13, 2012 Posted March 13, 2012 Hi again, LoveShackers... This is an update about the date I set up. So, I went out with him Saturday night. We had a great time, as usual when we're together. We even spent the night together and it was quite a mind-blowing evening in the sex department. It was our first time. So, we went our separate ways on Sunday ... it felt like we could've stayed together longer, but the evening was so intense that I just wanted to process it. So, I kissed him and said I better get off home. He kissed me back and smiled. However, here it is Monday and he hasn't called or written. Is that normal? It was I who wrote after our previous date, and it took him three days to respond (I figured he just wanted to avoid Valentine's Day.) Anyhow, I decided that I'd wait for him to write or call this time. What does this all mean? Any ideas?
Wallace1 Posted March 13, 2012 Posted March 13, 2012 He's either: A) Intentionally waiting to say anything to keep you wondering/interested which seems to be working B) Not interested in anything other than keeping you on the string for when he's bored Unfortunately it's difficult to tell the difference initially. I'd continue to wait it out and see if he contacts.
kaylan Posted March 13, 2012 Posted March 13, 2012 He could also be waiting for you to hit him up. Its a possibility. If I slept with a nice girl and had a great night with her, Id def call the next day or day after. So I am puzzled as well. Just wait and see what happens. If he doesnt call you tomorrow, then Id write him off. Id be put off if I slept with a chick I liked and didnt here from her for 3 days. It would mean Im an afterthought. Usually any chick Ive hooked up with tends to keep in contact with me thru text. We usually text non stop actually.
Author ja123 Posted March 13, 2012 Author Posted March 13, 2012 So, Wallace, let's say it's Option A. I'm not used to game-playing (that's what it is, isn't it?), but now I feel even I'm doing it because I'm waiting for him to contact me first, considering I contacted him first after the last date. Neither of us are joined-at-the-hip kind of people, but considering things were intimate, I feel that (if I were in his shoes), that I'd contact the girl even just to say I had a nice time with her.
FitChick Posted March 13, 2012 Posted March 13, 2012 I think it's up to the man to make the next move. He's a big boy.
Author ja123 Posted March 13, 2012 Author Posted March 13, 2012 He could also be waiting for you to hit him up. Its a possibility. If I slept with a nice girl and had a great night with her, Id def call the next day or day after. So I am puzzled as well. Just wait and see what happens. If he doesnt call you tomorrow, then Id write him off. Id be put off if I slept with a chick I liked and didnt here from her for 3 days. It would mean Im an afterthought. Usually any chick Ive hooked up with tends to keep in contact with me thru text. We usually text non stop actually. Well, Kaylan, that's how I'm starting to feel ... like an afterthought. I know he has three big meetings today, Tuesday, and Wednesday, regarding getting into the PhD program. I know he has some stress in his life, as do I, as we're both in periods of transition; so, I figure that I'll hear from him on Wednesday. But, this kind of communication (or lack of!) is really putting a damper on my feelings. It sucks.
Wallace1 Posted March 13, 2012 Posted March 13, 2012 So, Wallace, let's say it's Option A. I'm not used to game-playing (that's what it is, isn't it?), but now I feel even I'm doing it because I'm waiting for him to contact me first, considering I contacted him first after the last date. Neither of us are joined-at-the-hip kind of people, but considering things were intimate, I feel that (if I were in his shoes), that I'd contact the girl even just to say I had a nice time with her. I don't think its unreasonable to wait a few days depending on how often you'd been in contact up to then/how many dates this is. That said, I wouldn't wait much longer than Monday or Tuesday if I were interested in continuing anything. (Though I generally don't have sex unless interested in pursuing though bc I find it disingenuous) Also, being busy is a lame excuse. Having recently dated someone who was working 90 hour weeks during "busy season", she still found time to text/call (albeit sporadically) between dates when we first met.
Author ja123 Posted March 13, 2012 Author Posted March 13, 2012 Wallace, I think that's an authentic approach not to have sex if you're not interested in pursuing anything. Kudos for you. So, what I'm understanding from you and Kaylan is that Tuesday (tomorrow) is a reasonable cut-off date; otherwise, if it's afterwards, I can assume that he's just not that interested and is stringing me along. That's what you're saying, right?
Wallace1 Posted March 13, 2012 Posted March 13, 2012 Wallace, I think that's an authentic approach not to have sex if you're not interested in pursuing anything. Kudos for you. So, what I'm understanding from you and Kaylan is that Tuesday (tomorrow) is a reasonable cut-off date; otherwise, if it's afterwards, I can assume that he's just not that interested and is stringing me along. That's what you're saying, right? Assuming this happened Saturday, I'd say after Wednesday, but wouldn't fault you either way at that point. PS - Don't be too liberal with the Kudos, the approach only exists after making the mistake too many times
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