Johns247 Posted March 13, 2012 Posted March 13, 2012 Long story short my girlfriend and I had been dating for 8 months. We are both students with her being 4 hours away. It was one of the first girls I truly felt a bond with and was the only girlfriend I had ever said I love you to. Well recently she came up to visit for a week and we had an awesome week. On the morning she was going to leave I woke up and went to go get a shower. When I got out of the shower I found her on my bed in tears asking me "Why?". I knew immediately what had happened. 6 months ago I lost my Mother and obviously as you can imagine it has been a very emotional and dark time for me. With that being said, I have often found that when I do drink, I tend to drink excessively and take my anger out on those I care about. It doesnt sound like it makes sense, and it doesn't make sense to me either. I dont know why I do this but I think it is just a coping mechanism. I have been caught in a minor lie before but never have I cheated nor been caught or accused of cheating. We have had the normal relationship arguments and what not. But that morning when she looked through my phone she found a text conversation between me and my ex girlfriend. I had not talked to my ex in over a year until that night. The circumstances leading up to that night were that my current girlfriend and I were having an argument and she used the "i'm done" line. I knew she was just caught up in the argument but it still took me back a bit to hear that. I had already been planning to go out that night so I drank quite a bit. I ended up texting my ex saying "I miss you" "I love you" . This was clearly the alcohol talking because I had never told my ex I loved her. I was just feeling spiteful because of what I had been going through the last couple of months and then to have my girlfriend say something like that. Upon my ex asking me about my current girlfriend I said "I told her that it wasnt working" which obviously wasnt the case but once again the alcohol was doing the talking. My current girlfriend read the entire conversation and stormed out of my house crying and said "How could you disrespect me like that, don't try to contact me or talk to me ever again". She was a truly sweet and caring girl and I really and truly loved her. However, with the circumstances I had put myself in, I felt as if there was nothing I could do so I let her go. Later that night she texted me and basically said "well you got your wish, now you can go out and get hammered and not have to worry about answering to me". I responded with "will you please just stop I am hurting bad enough as it is". She kept responding and based on her facebook statuses and such I can tell that she is really hurting but is trying to sublimally reach out to me to let me know what she is feeling. My question is how do I approach this? Obviously I know I screwed up big time but I feel like she is sending mixed signals after telling me "have a great life" and then texting me that same night. I am trying to keep my distance to see if that will help but I just really don't know where to go. She is a pretty strong willed person but I can tell that she wants to find a reason to make it work again but I just do not know if she will. Any advice?
BewitchedandBothered Posted March 13, 2012 Posted March 13, 2012 Alcohol is truth serum; or you wouldn't have had your ex on the brain after a disagreement with your new girl whom you say you love. In that text to your ex, you dissed your new g/f. Disrespectful. Why do you still have your ex's number in your phone when you've got someone new? Get the ex out of your system and don't lead this new one on anymore. I would be infuriated. Epic fail on your part.
leesahlo Posted March 13, 2012 Posted March 13, 2012 Do you really want your (most recent?) ex back? Are you willing to take adult steps? Quit drinking to cope and go get grief counselling to help you with the sad loss of your Mom. You can arrange that easily through your college/uni and it really will help. Change your phone number so that ex can't call you, and delete her email from your contact list. Once you have put these things in motion, write a sincere apology to her, ( fucusing on her feelings, not yours) and send her the link to this thread.
jus d'orange Posted March 13, 2012 Posted March 13, 2012 Alcohol is a problem for you. Stop drinking. It's never an excuse. Let her go. You were abusive and you need to sort yourself out first. Maybe, once you've had some time to work on your own issues, you could see if she was still interested in being with you. However, she left for good reasons. You have to respect that.
leoc1973 Posted March 13, 2012 Posted March 13, 2012 Well she told you "im done" maybe that will teach her to not throw lines like that around so easily. Why is she going through your phone? I know I have never gone through a girlfriends phone before. You should have had a lock on it! Have you given her reasons to not trust you before? I think with no trust a relationship can't work so maybe its time to find a girl without trust issues. It would be nice to hear more of what this conversation with your previoius ex had in it. Did you ask for her back? Did you say anything bad about the current girl? Or was it just a simple few lines. Man I think you are in for a lot of kissing ass and being 4 hours away she is going to second guess you every time you don't answer your phone. How old are you? You don't have to quit drinking I am thinking you are in college and having a good time. We all make mistakes while we are drunk. I hate to make excuses for you but I can imagine how alone you felt when the girlfriend told you "we're done" and you just lost your mom. Give her a few days to cool off. You did screw up bad but if this girl loves you enough she will get over it. Ps. Put a lock on your phone!!!!
KathyM Posted March 13, 2012 Posted March 13, 2012 When you screw up big time, you often don't get a second chance, and this is not just a mistake or temporary lapse in judgement. At least that's not how your gf sees it. You've shown her that, when going through a rough patch, you're not the type who works it out, you are the type who will resort to bad behavior when the going gets rough, and naturally, she has lost all confidence in your trustworthiness and ability to go long term with her. Hopefully, you learned a hard lesson that you won't repeat in future relationships. Don't go looking for comfort from other women as soon as your relationship hits a rough patch, because it will most likely be the nail in the coffin with your relationship, and ruin any chances of patching things up. My sister went through something similar to you with her second husband, now an ex husband. They had a fight, he moved out, and later tried to reconcile, but my sister's discovery of Emails to other women made after he left is what ended their marriage.
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