CainJ Posted March 12, 2012 Posted March 12, 2012 My much older, much wiser friend recently told me, regarding my recent breakup that's had me in an emotional frenzy: "The things that are bothering and worrying you right now at 20 won't matter at 25 or 30." I wanted to get thoughts from everybody here. 1
mike588 Posted March 13, 2012 Posted March 13, 2012 My much older, much wiser friend recently told me, regarding my recent breakup that's had me in an emotional frenzy: "The things that are bothering and worrying you right now at 20 won't matter at 25 or 30." I wanted to get thoughts from everybody here. So VERY true....I'm 42 and look back on relationships I had at that age and now laugh. Every relationship...every b/u is a learning growing experience. 1
carhill Posted March 13, 2012 Posted March 13, 2012 YMMV but, with over 50 under my belt, I'd opine that is very true, and will likely only cease to be true when one is dead. I will say, on the undertaker side of 50, watching loved ones and friends die really impels some reorganization of priorities, or at least has for myself. I imagine that will continue. In the 20's, everything seems so dramatic. I just chuckled
rootless Posted March 13, 2012 Posted March 13, 2012 I'm in my mid-thirties now, and the only time I've ever really thought about the relationships I had in my 20s is if I'm going through a breakup now, in the present. I know they exist somewhere in the back of mind, and periodically, they'll surface in a story I'm sharing with friends, or a song on the radio, or a joke that reminds me of them, but that's about it -- and generally speaking, it's always a pleasant feeling, even if they ended badly. By now, experience and perspective have done their thing, and even moments that felt utterly catastrophic at the time usually end up with me smiling or laughing. If I ever linger on those relationships, it's only to make sure that I'm applying what I learned from 'em. It's incredibly reassuring to know that the same process of acceptance, and eventual erosion into nostalgia will eventually work it's magic on my latest breakup too. 2
BewitchedandBothered Posted March 13, 2012 Posted March 13, 2012 Truer words were never spoken. I was told this when I was 17 and was dumped by my first 'love'. He was horrible to me toward the end; blew me off; figured if he ignored me I would go away. He screamed and yelled, cursed, etc. That was that. I thought I would die, for that was the man I was going to marry, LOL. It was a few months before I met another fellow and then another, etc. In time I healed over that first painful situation. I am 42 now and friends with that fellow on FB!!! He has serious issues and admits he is sick and needs meds to stay balanced. Lots and lots of other issues and I breathe a sigh of relief that I didn't end up married to this guy. He's nice as can be, but not for me;) In time it won't matter. Time is truly the very best healer.
Author CainJ Posted March 14, 2012 Author Posted March 14, 2012 Love the replies. Thanks. I keep trying to hammer this mentality into my mind, but I guess I can only allow time to give way an understanding to this. 1
sweetheart5381 Posted March 14, 2012 Posted March 14, 2012 Yes, it's true.. though it's funny, as you start to discern the most important relationships from the least you come to realize that time is of no consequence. I am 37 btw. One of my worst heartbreaks (the first) has shown back up in my life after 20+ yrs, and I can tell you, I feel next to nothing. I dont want to hurt his feelings (he thinks he still loves me, pffff) but my feelings just dont exist now. Where once I was soooo heartbroken (I cried non-stop for hrs on end, my parents were worried!) I now just see it as "that's life". Ya, what bothered me at 15 (when it comes to romantic love) didnt bother me at 20... and so on. Though I must admit the lasting, unconditional loves of your life will remain forever. To me, that is the difference.
VirileEntity Posted March 16, 2012 Posted March 16, 2012 That's the perfect advice for somebody who's young and has had their heart broken. It won't matter in years time, provided they go out and enjoy life, do something productive, meet other people, etc. 1
BurntBroski Posted March 17, 2012 Posted March 17, 2012 I'm 24 and I feel like my last relationship of 5 years is going to bother me forever.
BewitchedandBothered Posted March 17, 2012 Posted March 17, 2012 I'm 24 and I feel like my last relationship of 5 years is going to bother me forever. Read that poem "when I was one and twenty..."---oh, 'tis true, 'tis true;)
sweetheart5381 Posted March 17, 2012 Posted March 17, 2012 I'm 24 and I feel like my last relationship of 5 years is going to bother me forever. I'm sorry you feel that way . I won't say "time heals all wounds" - that's a crock of ****, because it is not "time" that heals. It is the personal growth that we all go thru when faced with adversity. A broken heart is an uphill climb but well worth it. I assure you, you will come out of your heartbreak a changed person and you have a choice: "Every change isn't an improvement, but every improvement is change." Make the choice to learn and improve yourself. It sounds crazy in your 20's but in your late 30's you start to realize where your knowledge came from
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