HughHardcastle Posted March 12, 2012 Posted March 12, 2012 The history between us: I (27) took 2 months to gain the courage to ask out a new co-worker (23) back in October. She said yes that night, but flaked when it was time for us to actually meet up. She then flat out ignored my text message asking if she wanted to go out once more (she responded to the 3 other things in my message, and ignored the part about us going out somewhere). This was back in December. So I read the signs, and figured she wasn't interested in me. She found a boyfriend in January, although I don't know how that is going. Anyways, we get along ridiculously well, as if we have been a couple for years. She just moved into her own place a couple weeks ago, and doesn't have cable TV. I am sitting at my work desk today, when I get a call from a co-worker, asking if I wanted anything from the convenience store across the street from where we work. And if I wanted to go with Helga (name changed to protect the innocent). I said yes. This seemed very odd. Why would she need me to walk with her over to the store? So I obliged, and we had some laughs as we went over there, got our stuff, and were walking back. As we are making our way back to the building, she somewhat abruptly brings up the fact that the new season of South Park is coming up, and she doesn't get Comedy Central and won't be able to watch it. She KNOWS I have cable, and am a lifelong South Park fan. My question to you, was she trying to get me to invite her over to watch? My brief history with this girl has been nothing but me pining over her in mostly secret, and I am just wondering if I am just trying to fool myself into thinking she has any sort of feelings for me. I want to be more than just "some guy I work it".
Nightsky Posted March 12, 2012 Posted March 12, 2012 Don't get involved with a coworker is gread advice. Thing is you need this! You invite her over to watch south park or something this week. Order in pizza, chinese, sushi... what ever it is you know she likes. You have some drinks with her. Then make your break for the promissed land!
SmileFace Posted March 12, 2012 Posted March 12, 2012 DO NOT get involved with a coworker but it does sound like she wanted your dick in or around her mouth.<<-- hehe I quoted Superbad. Anyway she may have just wanted to hang out or bitch about her relationship problems or truthfully wanted to watch south park, who knows?
Author HughHardcastle Posted March 12, 2012 Author Posted March 12, 2012 I don't buy into the "don't get involved with a co-worker" thing at all. I am a mature adult. If something goes wrong, it will not impact work at all. What if, hypothetically speaking, she's felt this way from the beginning, and that's been the one thing keeping her from pursuing something? Sorry, I am not going to disqualify someone from my life just because I work with them.
BeyondtheClouds Posted March 13, 2012 Posted March 13, 2012 Did you ask what was going on with her boyfriend?
Author HughHardcastle Posted March 13, 2012 Author Posted March 13, 2012 No, that would be a bit too forward, don't you think? If I ask that, and then invite her over to my apartment, she's going to think I am only out for one thing.
Ninjainpajamas Posted March 13, 2012 Posted March 13, 2012 Yes, you should have made a remark then and there! "Cool, I totally love south park and going to be watching it on blahblahblah, you could totally join me If you're interested...If not looks like it'll be just me and blow up Susie again!" Ok, well you can leave the blow up doll part out! but you get what I mean, you should have asked then and there, to me that's pretty obvious and even If she was like...oh, um, thanks but no thanks, then say its cool, I understand, was just being polite or thought Id mention it. No big dealio! no beans burnt... However I share the same stance as the no co-worker deal, and damn, there was this girl that I reallllllllllly wanted to break this rule with and she couldn't have been more forward about it, almost made me blush...but for me I don't need girl problems at work, I want it to be a relaxed and non tense environment. Would I break the rule and try to keep things smooth as butter IF things didn't work out? of course...could I, probably so...would I still take the risk...ehhhhhhhh
ja123 Posted March 13, 2012 Posted March 13, 2012 Yeah, asking her what's with her boyfriend is a good idea. He doesn't have cable? I'm wondering if things aren't going well with him, and now she's looking to her faithful back-up. Do you have other options for dating outside of your co-workers?
Author HughHardcastle Posted March 13, 2012 Author Posted March 13, 2012 No, I don't. I've fallen for her hard over the months because I have no other prospects, and it's not easy for me to just go out and find a bunch of girls I can get with just to make her jealous and illogically want me more. And I am going to ask her on Wednesday if she wants to come over and watch. As for her boyfriend, I think he lives out of town, and I am pretty sure they only see each other on weekends. ****, I don't know.
fishtaco Posted March 13, 2012 Posted March 13, 2012 No, I don't. I've fallen for her hard over the months because I have no other prospects, and it's not easy for me to just go out and find a bunch of girls I can get with just to make her jealous and illogically want me more. And I am going to ask her on Wednesday if she wants to come over and watch. As for her boyfriend, I think he lives out of town, and I am pretty sure they only see each other on weekends. ****, I don't know. She sounds like trouble. If you want to play this game, you need other prospects to keep your balance. Also, it's possible she just wants a temporary platonic boyfriend substitute for some free attention. Messing with a co-worker who is in a relationship is something that should only be for experts, and ones that really feel like playing with fire. If you've fallen hard for a woman that you weren't even dating, that tells me you are definitely not an expert. Be careful.
jobaba Posted March 13, 2012 Posted March 13, 2012 No, I don't. I've fallen for her hard over the months because I have no other prospects, and it's not easy for me to just go out and find a bunch of girls I can get with just to make her jealous and illogically want me more. And I am going to ask her on Wednesday if she wants to come over and watch. As for her boyfriend, I think he lives out of town, and I am pretty sure they only see each other on weekends. ****, I don't know. You think you've fallen for her hard BECAUSE you have no other prospects. In reality, you may have fallen for her hard because you really like her. You could be dating another woman right now and still have feelings for her. Believe me. I've followed your exploits with this co-worker and in your case, I say "Go for it again!" You have nothing to lose. Unlike some of the others who have given you advice, you have no relationship experience. If you were to take a chance, you could not only break that barrier, but have the chance to possibly date someone you are really into. It's not like you have anybody else and you've already been rejected once, twice, how many times? ... so digging the hole a bit further won't matter too much. In terms of the workplace thing, on the off chance that it does ascend into a relationship and then ultimately into something ill-fated that makes you lose the job, ask yourself ... "Would it be worth it for her?" I think your answer would probably be yes.
Author HughHardcastle Posted March 13, 2012 Author Posted March 13, 2012 This is not going to endanger or affect my job at all. It's not like I am going to get her over to my apartment, and make moves on her all night and throw myself at her. I would never do that to someone. Absolute worst case scenario: she says yes, comes over, and spends the entire night texting her boyfriend while watching TV. At that point, I will basically take that as my final hint that she wants absolutely nothing to do with me (not even as an "outside of work friend"), and try to move on with my life.
kaylan Posted March 13, 2012 Posted March 13, 2012 Dont get involved with a chick you work with...especially one whos already shown shes a flake. Imo flakes are disrespectful and dont give a fvk about your time. I dont give chicks a second chance when they flake, especially when they ignore your follow up invite. Neither should you.
Star Gazer Posted March 13, 2012 Posted March 13, 2012 I am a mature adult. If something goes wrong, it will not impact work at all. You can't control HER reaction if things go south.
Author HughHardcastle Posted March 14, 2012 Author Posted March 14, 2012 I don't look for reasons to NOT do things by thinking of the negative consequences. I would rather think of the great things that COULD happen, and imagine those instead.
SmileFace Posted March 14, 2012 Posted March 14, 2012 I don't look for reasons to NOT do things by thinking of the negative consequences. I would rather think of the great things that COULD happen, and imagine those instead. Oh, what a great mindset that is!
jobaba Posted March 14, 2012 Posted March 14, 2012 This is not going to endanger or affect my job at all. It's not like I am going to get her over to my apartment, and make moves on her all night and throw myself at her. I would never do that to someone. I'll tell you one thing. You will get absolutely nowhere with this attitude. You gotta be confident and have attitude with this girl, especially with YOUR history with her. Bolded is EXACTLY what you should do. If you're just going to be passive and not make moves, then just let it go.
dispatch3d Posted March 14, 2012 Posted March 14, 2012 I don't know. You want to go on dates with her, she wants a south park buddy. I'd just be whatever about her if I were you. Seems like she just likes the reinforcement that she's hot from you.
dispatch3d Posted March 14, 2012 Posted March 14, 2012 fyi if I had to choose between (A) Watching south park and being best friends with her, while she has other boyfriends, and never actually being an option. (B) Not being south park and best friends with her, not have any options on your horizon, and not thinking about her as an option. I would choose B just from an emotional health standpoint. I think if you're in mode B you are more likely to capitalize on good opportunities when they come up.
Author HughHardcastle Posted March 15, 2012 Author Posted March 15, 2012 I asked her today if she wanted to come over and watch it, and she said she might, if she wasn't too tired from working her 2 jobs today. Gee, where have I heard that excuse before? She never showed up, didn't text to say she was too tired, nothing. Once again, I've been burned. You were all right, I was wrong. This sucks. I am done trying to figure out what I am to her. It's pretty obvious I am nothing, and will always be nothing.
jobaba Posted March 15, 2012 Posted March 15, 2012 I asked her today if she wanted to come over and watch it, and she said she might, if she wasn't too tired from working her 2 jobs today. Gee, where have I heard that excuse before? She never showed up, didn't text to say she was too tired, nothing. Once again, I've been burned. You were all right, I was wrong. This sucks. I am done trying to figure out what I am to her. It's pretty obvious I am nothing, and will always be nothing. People are so selfish and inconsiderate of others' feelings. May that girl be pumped and dumped and burned by the biggest player/douchebag out there.
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