wrt2liv Posted March 12, 2012 Posted March 12, 2012 My husband and I have been married for 7 years. We have a great relationship--we are good partners and we really don't argue about much at all. However, I know I'm not in love with him. We have a 3 year old son together who is the center of my world and I'm really just staying in the relationship for him. If you were in my shoes, would you stay or get divorced? I just wonder if being in love with someone is an important enough factor to get a divorce, all other things in the marriage being good...
OliveOyl Posted March 13, 2012 Posted March 13, 2012 Are you affectionate? Do you go out on "date nights"? How's the sex?
carhill Posted March 13, 2012 Posted March 13, 2012 I'd go to MC, and did. Both parties have choices. If nothing else, MC can clarify *why* you 'fell out of love' so you and a future partner can safeguard your love and 'in love' to stave off the seven year itch. Welcome to LS
health Posted March 13, 2012 Posted March 13, 2012 Love is an action. Love the feeling is a fruit of the action. You can choose to do whatever you want, you can`t choose the consequences though.
HHC Posted March 13, 2012 Posted March 13, 2012 If I knew that there was no chance we could have a fulfilling loving and sexual relationship I would leave. A marriage is not just a friendship. Both of us deserve to be happy with someone who complements us. I would leave if I knew it was no longer a marriage 1
standtall Posted March 13, 2012 Posted March 13, 2012 No. Your married with kids. If he isn't drug/alcohol addicted, physically/verbally abusive, isn't cheating/abandoning you, then deal with the choice you made.
fencesitter Posted March 14, 2012 Posted March 14, 2012 I would try a weekend marriage retreat first, or a solo vacation. Love ebbs and flows. Marriages are dynamic, they change and evolve with time. Sometimes you are madly in love, other times you can't stand the other. Perfectly normal. They don't tell you that..we are sold the "happily ever after". I would try to find a way to stay unless there is infidelity or abuse or something like that.
imajerk Posted March 14, 2012 Posted March 14, 2012 As the old saying goes ... been there, done that. I asked myself the same question when my youngest was probably around 2 or 3. I knew I wanted a divorce, but should I stay in the marriage for the kids. I made the decision to stay, but decided to reevaluate it when they were out of high school. When the youngest daughter turned 18 I spent about a year agonizing and finally decided on a divorce. When I told my wife she said I was being totally unfair if I had known for 15 years that I wanted a divorce. If I had divorced her then she would have had a chance to find another man and a good life. If I had it to do all over again I would have divorced as soon as I knew I wanted a divorce. Loveless marriages aren't good for anyone. On the other hand, the posters that have suggested that you try to get the love back are correct. Before giving up, you should try whatever you can. If it doesn't work, get out.
TaraMaiden Posted March 14, 2012 Posted March 14, 2012 ...yeah, but you really have to want to try in the first place. if you're sticking around to revitalise love, and resurrect good emotions - but your heart's really not 100% in it - then you might as well not want to at all....
Stillgrowing Posted March 14, 2012 Posted March 14, 2012 I can't tell if I love my husband any more or not. I think I do. Then I think I don't. I definately don't in the all consuming passionate way I used to and I know he doesn't love me that way either. It has been 22 years (20 living together, 16 married). I have other issues complicating my decision to (potentially) divorce but I'm not sure what I'd do if it came down to solely whether I loved him or not. I'd probably stay if it were good and loveless. But right now I have bad and quasi-love. Love that is there possibly only out of the habit that we "love" each other. If there was a genuine "like" there, I would stay and wouldn't be contemplating divorce. I don't even think we have a genuine "like" any more. I do worry that I'm missing out on having a good loving relationship with someone else by staying but then I go back to wondering if that even really exists. If it does, I'd like both him and I to have the chance at that but don't know if we should sacrifice the stability we've built for our children for something that is just potentially out there. Personally, if you like him, have a good sex life, and he's a good provider (not just finanacially, but emotionally for the kids and you) and there are no emotional issues I would stay.
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