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Dear Men, how do you show your love for a woman?

RecordProducer

By RecordProducer
in General Relationship Discussion

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RecordProducer Established Member

RecordProducer

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It seems like women mostly show love through words and affection (including empathy, verbal emotional support, and the like). Hugging, kissing, writing notes, poems, love letters, saying "I love you" and "I miss you," buying romantic gifts and other stuff presented as romantic in chick flicks. Looking back and around, it seems like men perceive this type of showing love the same as when a cat brings a dead mouse into our house as a gift to us. So, two questions for our dear men here:

 

(1) How do you show your love?

(2) How do you want a woman to show you her love?

Yamaha Established Member

Yamaha

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Hugging, kissing, writing notes, poems, love letters, saying "I love you" and "I miss you," buying romantic gifts and other stuff

 

I do all the above!!

It is great if she shows me love the same way!!

 

Maybe I'm a odd guy....:o

tman666 Established Member

tman666

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Step 1) Catch her a delicious bass

 

Step 2) Winning!

somedude81 Established Member

somedude81

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Give her a piece of my ear that I recently cut off.

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cerridwen Established Member

cerridwen

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Two good questions, RP. :bunny:

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RecordProducer Established Member

RecordProducer

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Two good questions, RP. :bunny:
But no answers! :D (except for Yamaha)
somedude81 Established Member

somedude81

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But no answers! :D (except for Yamaha)

Excuse me.

 

It's not my fault that you can't appreciate bloody body parts.

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tman666 Established Member

tman666

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But no answers! :D (except for Yamaha)

 

Ok FIIIIIINNNEEEE.

 

My non-smartass answer is that I show my love in a lot of different ways. Oftentimes it's subtle. I'm not overly touchy-feely in public. However, I do enjoy doing romantic things for her on occasion (making her sushi, special getaway weekends, etc.).

 

In my opinion, there is huge difference between showing love and being romantic. Romance is great, but it's not necessarily indicative of love. The way I show my love (and the way she shows her's) is through providing support, being part of the "team", and by having a strong mutual trust in each other.

 

As far as showing romantic love though, we tend to do the full spectrum ranging from flirty looks and a gentle squeeze on the ass, to full blown romantic getaways or dates.

gaius Established Member

gaius

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I put a lot of energy into keeping her entertained and paid attention to. As well as her friends and family. I save the real sappy stuff for the rare occasions when it's called for, women these days don't seem much into it anyways.

 

Her having sex with me is always a good thing, really wanting to have sex with me is even better! Other then that showing me respect in public and in front of my friends is always huge. Humoring me that I'm great even in the moments when I'm not is nice too.

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Nightsky Established Member

Nightsky

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beat up all her enemies.

Saxis Established Member

Saxis

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I do all the above!!

It is great if she shows me love the same way!!

 

Maybe I'm a odd guy....:o

 

Same for me. I'm generally VERY physically affectionate when we're together, and send little notes/texts when we're not. My XW grew to hate the constant physical affection that I showed her. XGF liked it, but I found myself backing off when things started to go south. Current GF loves it, and she reciprocates in the same way, so we generally can't keep our hands off each other!

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RecordProducer Established Member

RecordProducer

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So, what about doing things for her, protecting her, helping her...? Aren't those the main things how men traditionally show love?

 

Excuse me.

 

It's not my fault that you can't appreciate bloody body parts.

I do appreciate bloody body parts, of course. And if you're a real man, hopefully you do too because women are bloody sometimes. ;)

 

In my opinion, there is huge difference between showing love and being romantic. Romance is great, but it's not necessarily indicative of love.
I totally agree. And quite frankly, I am long past the phase of appreciating lovey-dovey gestures. I prefer a partner I can trust and rely on.

 

The way I show my love (and the way she shows her's) is through providing support, being part of the "team", and by having a strong mutual trust in each other.

Can you elaborate on this, please? What constitutes support and being a team? How do you establish, maintain and show mutual trust?
Feelin Frisky Established Member

Feelin Frisky

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I show it by trusting and supporting her (in addition to the other affections mentioned by the OP.) I've had difficulty with women not being ready for such trust and support because they in the past don't trust or can't trust. I made a post on Hokie's thread for which I received meaningful gesture of validation which addresses the importance of learning how to continue to "want" someone once you "have them" and how "want" is such a compelling force that sometimes "having" someone creates a hole by killing the uncertainty and romance of "want". I assert that two people whom have wanted and now have each other have to then risk loss of each other by trusting each other to have separate lives and separate interests. This keeps people from becoming co-dependent which often ruins a relationship and if you're really fortunate it reveals loyalty that is extraordinarily validating. I haven't been lucky in my relationships to get to the point where all this can work. I've gotten mostly damaged goods who just aren't up to partnering with me on the levels I believe make it a lasting love.

 

Other than that I always try to establish that I'm one steady identity that doe not change rules from mood to mood. I take responsibility not to have "moods" (or at least bad ones). I have grown a bit resigned to the likelihood that I will probably be a bachelor forever. I don't want to be and I hope not.

tman666 Established Member

tman666

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Can you elaborate on this, please? What constitutes support and being a team? How do you establish, maintain and show mutual trust?

 

That's the great question, isn't it?

 

I am not sure I have the "correct" answer, since I was lucky enough to sort of fall into it. I can tell you that I didn't trust her right off the bat, nor did she trust me completely from the start. Trust is not something that someone can demand of their partner, nor can they demand it of themselves (I don't know about you, but I cannot simply "will" myself to trust someone, even if I want to). It's something that grows and is solidified with the passage of *infraction free* time, haha.

 

As far as being supportive and being part of a team, I think that the word "compromise" is the key. I don't get to do exactly what I want all of the time. Neither does she. It's give and take, and you have to pick your battles. I don't think that the formation of such a team-like romantic relationship is something that can be developed with just anyone. That's what makes it so special when you do find someone who you not only trust, but someone who, because you're with them, makes you a better person and helps you both live a better life than what you'd be capable of on your own.

Crusoe Established Member

Crusoe

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(1) How do you show your love?

(2) How do you want a woman to show you her love?

 

1) Provide, protect, sacrifice. Probably makes me a dinosaur nowadays but that what I was born to do. In the past I would willingly put my mind and body through hell for my girl. Over the years I've learnt it was never appreciated.

 

2) However she wishes.

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RecordProducer Established Member

RecordProducer

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That's a beautiful answer, Tman. Thank you! So, what if there are infractions in the woman's trust in you and respect for you? Would it be possible to re-build the special feeling of mutual trust and respect?

norajane Established Member

norajane

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My guy is actually very romantic. He always brings little gifts (bottle of wine, a little chocolate, coffee, oil to fix my squeaky door hinge...). And he is an "acts of service" guy, too. He likes to "do" things, like putting in a dimmer switch in my living room or washing my car.

 

I think his number one thing is physical - he's very affectionate with hugs, kisses, holding hands, sex. He also likes it when I tell him how I feel, like how wonderful I think he is for putting in the dimmer switch for me, so words of affirmation are important to him.

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RecordProducer Established Member

RecordProducer

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Provide, protect, sacrifice.
Three major real-man ways of showing he cares. Note that these are also the things that a parents does for a child. The things that are difficult to do and that really matter in life. Unlike the romantic fluff that women expect as a proof of love.
carhill Established Member

carhill

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My exW saw everything in the OP, in addition to the typical 'manly' stuff. Her response? 'Abnormal'.

 

EOS.

jerbear Established Member

jerbear

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I'm afraid to say I do more than what the OP posted about. It includes physical, mental, making her laugh, and many more; I have to keep my trade secrets to myself. :lmao::lmao:

Crusoe Established Member

Crusoe

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Unlike the romantic fluff that women expect as a proof of love.

 

The gloss? Plenty of boys make a big deal of the shiny stuff too.

 

Oak doesn't need paint, is as strong as iron and lasts forever. People forget that.

CarrieT Established Member

CarrieT

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I can tell you how my man does it...

 

 

  • Surprises me with last-minute tickets to a beloved show he knows I would enjoy (how many people like Gilbert & Sullivan?)
  • Rubs the back of my neck and shoulders
  • Strokes my hair and cheek
  • Changes HIS plans for things I would like (recently, in Paris, we were going to go to a Maritime Museum but when we got off the Metro, we were in front of a museum he knew that I wanted to see...)
  • Holds my hand when we are driving

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RecordProducer Established Member

RecordProducer

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My exW saw everything in the OP, in addition to the typical 'manly' stuff. Her response? 'Abnormal'.

Well, your ex was not a typical woman. :D

 

I'm afraid to say I do more than what the OP posted about.
Then you're gay! :laugh::p

 

It includes physical, mental, making her laugh, and many more; I have to keep my trade secrets to myself. :lmao::lmao:

Hey, making her laugh is not fluff - it's a substantive part of the relationship. And I don't know what "many more" means.

 

The gloss? Plenty of boys make a big deal of the shiny stuff too.

 

Oak doesn't need paint, is as strong as iron and lasts forever. People forget that.

So true! But it doesn't shine as much as the gloss, does it? ;)

 

Holds my hand when we are driving

I think he's afraid when YOU are behind the steering wheel! :D

 

Seriously, though, your guy sounds like he is head over heels. :)

jerbear Established Member

jerbear

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Then you're gay! :laugh::p

Of course I'm happy! Why wouldn't I be? :lmao::p

 

Have a great gay day tomorrow, enjoy the weather!

 

 

Hey, making her laugh is not fluff - it's a substantive part of the relationship. And I don't know what "many more" means.

 

Well one thing is knowing when to treat her like a woman and when to treat her like a sex object.:bunny::bunny:

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RecordProducer Established Member

RecordProducer

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Well one thing is knowing when to treat her like a woman and when to treat her like a sex object.:bunny::bunny:

When a man treats a woman like a lady, it's precisely then when he treats her most as a sex object, i.e. he does it for the purpose of getting sex. When he truly loves, he does things that are less romantic and more meaningful.

 

Isn't that, in fact, the definition of romantic: Doing something meaningless under the color of love? Like take a piece of napkin and shape it into a heart and give it to a woman - she'll give you credit for being romantic. :lmao:

 

Women want men to be the same as they were at the very beginning of the dating phase - which is when they didn't love them yet, when they were thinking of the woman as a "great lay!" We nagged "If you loved me, you would want to marry me" but somehow them marrying us meant absolutely nothing after the wedding day.

 

Urgh... I am just pissed at woman's nature and all the mistakes we make. :eek:

 

Just don't let Woggle into this thread! :laugh:

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