Author wayward 99 Posted March 13, 2012 Author Posted March 13, 2012 I don't know that I am leaving. That is TBD. There has been quite a bit of food for thought here. One is making sure that ending the marriage is because it isn't working and not for OM. The other is getting to the root of my resentment. I think much of it stems from habitual (not just ancient past lying), but maybe that's not enough of a reason to explain how I feel. I don't know.
stopdropandroll Posted March 13, 2012 Posted March 13, 2012 It sounds like you're a really selfish person. How about you start thinking about the other people in your life for a while? Think about what's best for them. Right now you're motivated by doing damage control and minimizing your losses. Do what's right before God, do what's right before your husband and children. Here is my story. I am ready (slightly) for what I deserve in sharing this. M for 16.5 years, mostly rocky. H is 42, I am 39. Have three kids (13, almost 11, 8). We married young, and it was my first real relationship, rushed into things, blah blah blah. Within months of being married my H lied to me about some financial and job related issues that I probably have never been able to get over. After having been in therapy about this, I have to come to realize that I lost my respect in him then and since we have had many financial strains on us for the duration of the marriage, as well as his difficulty in telling me the truth, I have never really trusted him. As a result, the walls I have put around myself are pretty thick. I feel very sad about this and honestly don’t know where to start to take the walls down. (Although I realize I have mad this pretty hard through my actions, read on) We did have done MC through the years, although most likely not enough of a sustained effort for any long enough period of time. He did some IC (not much) and I have been in IC for many years. We did a marriage intensive for about 3 days a year and a half ago where we flew to another city and worked with a therapist. I feel like it only superficially helped with some communication issues couples might have, but didn’t do much to heal some long-seated wounds and resentment. Now, here’s my ugly part of the story. I did cheat on him about 6 years ago. It was an awful mistake and I am sick about what I did- it lasted about 6 months and was not an EA. It was a cheap, sordid PA. At the time I didn’t even know why I was doing it except maybe that I was starting to look for a way out. I know I liked the attention but really wasn’t doing it for sex. I have nothing but remorse when I look back on that experience. I was able to end that affair and not look back on it with any sense of nostalgia even, even though the OM did try to contact me for some time following that. I changed my phone number and then he was not able to contact me (we never contacted via email, facebook etc.) However, after that experience the emptiness with the marriage persisted. I then (ugh) met someone in my community, and that turned into a full-blown love affair. I felt that this relationship met so many needs that had been missing for so long, as I probably have never really felt in love with H. I know in my head though that love is about actions, and not always feelings, but the feelings are usually missing for me when it comes to H. The guilt for him and OM was and is terrible though. We have probably tried to end it between us at least 30 times because of the guilt, and it is going on now 4 years even though I ended it again last week. We’ll see if that sticks. H is aware of both affairs and it has devastated him. I know he has wanted to forgive me, and we are in this very sick cycle of me getting caught, him getting angry, me saying I wanted to work on M, and then once I would see him soften towards me I would have this overwhelming desire to put the walls back up. I feel so terrible because I realize how selfish I have been in choosing to fulfill my own needs, and because it has hurt him very much. I know in my head that he does not deserve how horribly I have treated him, and I do not want our children to suffer, although I know they have and will. At the same time I have this resentment for him that bubbles under the surface all the time and I don’t want to live like this. I have been cake-eating a long time because the A meets needs of romance and companionship, but I am terrified about even going 50/50 custody for my kids. I am terrified of how I will potentially harm my children. H tells me I am destroying their lives. I am just so tired of feeling resentful of my H, even though he is the one who should feel resentful. To add to this, we had a really rough year when H exposed my affair to my parents and church. My pastor sought to have me excommunicated from the church, and my parents threatened to remove me from their will if I divorced H. They said that even if I stopped seeing OM, they still would not support any divorce. My mother said it would be better if I died than to get a divorce. I am working on forgiving her for that as she has apologized. In August of this year H and I got into a physical fight (he has never previously been abusive) and I felt unsafe. I tried to take my boys (daughter was sleeping) to my parents’ house because I had nowhere to go. They did not want to take me in. It turned into a hellish fight and my father ended up physically assaulting me. That relationship is cooked now as well. This made me even more angry with H as I felt for months that he was trapping me; I had nowhere to go and our finances are such that we probably can’t even sell our house right now. Now, in the 11th hour, I feel sick about my life. I don’t know how we can go on like this, but I don’t even know if we have any chance in the M if there is no respect or trust on either side. We came up with a separation plan so that we will rotate nights in and out of our home to make it easier on the kids. H can stay with his mom when not in the house, and I found a rented room. That situation is miserable though too. We tried it for a week and I hated it- I wanted to come home to my kids. H wants to keep doing it though (I guess- deep down, I think he thinks this is a nightmare and wishes it could be different). H is asking me to go to the room again, and start our birds’ nest custody agreement again. I guess my question is, how awful of a person am I? Does this marriage sound like it has any shot in hell of working? Fwiw, OM is not married. He is divorced and was when I met him with three children of his own, and he wants very much for me to be free and marry him. He feels that I have been stringing him along for a little while, which I realize he is probably right and I have been unfair to him as well although he knows about all of the issues I’ve had in getting out. 1
Chi townD Posted March 13, 2012 Posted March 13, 2012 (edited) After going through the anguish of wondering if I can choose to be happy or to stick it out for the kids, it is kind of hard to swallow posts that say I am INTENTIONALLy hurting my children. Intentional or not you did hurt your family with your actions. And How can your action NOT be intentional? Did you accidentally have affairs? You knew that sleeping with other men outside your marriage was wrong, but that's a choice you made and those choices have consquences. Your children's lives are never going to be the same, they will be coming from a broken home. See, this is the thing I don't get. Not just the OP but men and women in general. If they KNOW that they are not happy in the marriage and they KNOW that there are problems. Why not try to address those problems in the beginning with marriage counseling and hugging it out rather than entering affairs? Makes no damn sense. If the MC doesn't work and you just can't get along, then you can end it with at least a sense that the two parties tried, but it wasn't meant to be. Then, you're able to pursue other interests. All affairs do is cause massive messes like this. Edited March 13, 2012 by Chi townD 2
Author wayward 99 Posted March 13, 2012 Author Posted March 13, 2012 Maybe you missed the part about me trying to directly address the problem for TEN years? MC and IC?! Cheating obviously did create a mess, and yes it is selfish. I regret that choice. I probably should have left a long time ago before doing that. Please tell me, what is the right thing to do before God? Obviously, NC with OM. That I am working on. But can you say for sure what is right for me to do next?
Ninja'sHusband Posted March 13, 2012 Posted March 13, 2012 Maybe you missed the part about me trying to directly address the problem for TEN years? MC and IC?! Cheating obviously did create a mess, and yes it is selfish. I regret that choice. I probably should have left a long time ago before doing that. Please tell me, what is the right thing to do before God? Obviously, NC with OM. That I am working on. But can you say for sure what is right for me to do next? So was your H telling you lies about finances for 10 years? I got the impression it was a single incident early on.
Author wayward 99 Posted March 13, 2012 Author Posted March 13, 2012 No, it has been an ongoing problem for 16.5 years.
Ninja'sHusband Posted March 13, 2012 Posted March 13, 2012 No, it has been an ongoing problem for 16.5 years. Do you have joint account? Online banking? It's so easy to see what's going on if so.
Jemma32 Posted March 13, 2012 Posted March 13, 2012 I personally feel for the children. I grew up with parents who had a very rocky relationship, they argued a lot, never seemed happy etc.,, the day my parents split up for good was a huge relief to my sister and I (aged 15 & 13 at the time). If I was you I would seek legal advice regarding custody of the children and try working on making yourself and your children happy.
nofool4u Posted March 13, 2012 Posted March 13, 2012 Now, here’s my ugly part of the story. I did cheat on him about 6 years ago. It was an awful mistake and I am sick about what I did Ok, stop right there. First of quit trying to downplay your actions by calling it a mistake. You did it because you wanted to do it. A mistake is adding up the checkbook wrong, or accidentally driving the wrong way down a one way street. What you did, you did because you wanted it. It wasn't a mistake. You knew full well what you were doing. Ok, now with that out of the way, one with your post. - it lasted about 6 months and was not an EA. Case in point for above. A 6 month mistake? See what I mean? It was a cheap, sordid PA. At the time I didn’t even know why I was doing it except maybe that I was starting to look for a way out. Another lie from the cheaters' camp. "I didn't know why I did it" Bulls***, you know why you did it. You wanted it, thats why. I know I liked the attention but really wasn’t doing it for sex. *sigh*. Sorry, I don't have sex with someone unless I want to have sex with them. Not buying it. I have nothing but remorse when I look back on that experience. I was able to end that affair and not look back on it with any sense of nostalgia even, even though the OM did try to contact me for some time following that. I changed my phone number and then he was not able to contact me (we never contacted via email, facebook etc.) However, after that experience the emptiness with the marriage persisted. I then (ugh) met someone in my community, and that turned into a full-blown love affair. Another "mistake"? With "remorse"? I felt that this relationship met so many needs that had been missing for so long, as I probably have never really felt in love with H. I know in my head though that love is about actions, and not always feelings, but the feelings are usually missing for me when it comes to H. The guilt for him and OM was and is terrible though. We have probably tried to end it between us at least 30 times because of the guilt, and it is going on now 4 years even though I ended it again last week. We’ll see if that sticks. H is aware of both affairs and it has devastated him. I know he has wanted to forgive me, and we are in this very sick cycle of me getting caught, him getting angry, me saying I wanted to work on M, and then once I would see him soften towards me I would have this overwhelming desire to put the walls back up. Thats because you have empty words. You say things to smooth it over. Once its smoothed over, its back to your games. This is why I tell BS's that cheaters don't deserve a 2nd chance, and if they give it to them, be very cautious. I have been cake-eating a long time because the A meets needs of romance and companionship, but I am terrified about even going 50/50 custody for my kids. Whats wrong with 50/50? If you end up divorcing, isn't it the LEAST you could do for him and them after all you put them through? To add to this, we had a really rough year when H exposed my affair to my parents and church. My pastor sought to have me excommunicated from the church, and my parents threatened to remove me from their will if I divorced H. They said that even if I stopped seeing OM, they still would not support any divorce. My mother said it would be better if I died than to get a divorce. I am working on forgiving her for that as she has apologized. In August of this year H and I got into a physical fight (he has never previously been abusive) and I felt unsafe. I tried to take my boys (daughter was sleeping) to my parents’ house because I had nowhere to go. They did not want to take me in. It turned into a hellish fight and my father ended up physically assaulting me. That relationship is cooked now as well. Ok, there is something you are not telling us. For a priest to not try to reach out to you, and have you kicked out of the church, your own parents would divorce you, and you have had one physical altercation with your H, AND your father? What did you really do for all these people to want to disown you? Because I can't believe it would simply be only because of an affair. We came up with a separation plan so that we will rotate nights in and out of our home to make it easier on the kids. H can stay with his mom when not in the house, and I found a rented room. That situation is miserable though too. We tried it for a week and I hated it- I wanted to come home to my kids. H wants to keep doing it though Then maybe you should do it. Let him do what he thinks he needs to do after what you did to him. (I guess- deep down, I think he thinks this is a nightmare and wishes it could be different). H is asking me to go to the room again, and start our birds’ nest custody agreement again. I guess my question is, how awful of a person am I? Ok, I'm not going to comment on that question based on your cheating. But I will say, since you have been the betrayer, you would be an awful person if you didn't do right by him where the kids are concerned. Give him 50/50. You've done enough to him. Does this marriage sound like it has any shot in hell of working? NO! Fwiw, OM is not married. He is divorced and was when I met him with three children of his own, and he wants very much for me to be free and marry him. FWIW is nothing. It doesn't negate your actions. So marry him, but again, don't screw your H over with regards to his kids. If you can't handle 50/50 because you want them more, or because you want child support, then it just adds insult to injury. Of course if you want more than 50/50 and for him to pay child support, you'll get it no matter how unscrupulous a woman can be. The father will get screwed over. But its up to you. Do what you want, or do right by your kids' father. 2
nofool4u Posted March 13, 2012 Posted March 13, 2012 Thank you all for your advice so far, although I am glad you are not adjudicating my custody trial, Black Jack. I have no intention of giving up full custody if we divorce. We have both agreed to 50/50 if it comes to that and he does not "deserve" full custody because he is a BS. Well thats good to hear. Its the least you can do for him and your kids. And he does deserve full custody as a BS IF the alternative is that you would want full custody. Because as lousy of a deal as it is for father in this society, a father DOES deserver full custody over a wife that has cheated and has been unscrupulous. Unfortunately, the courts don't really care what is best for the children, although they try to pretend they do. 1
nofool4u Posted March 13, 2012 Posted March 13, 2012 I am glad the courts in my area do not share you viewpoint on custody. Thats pretty much how the courts are no matter where you are. They don't care if kids are raised by an unscrupulous mother. Not necessarily referring to you, but it happens all the time. A wife can bring strange men into the marital home and still win custody over a loving father because one, she is the mother, and two, infidelity has no bearing on custody, although it should. It should, at the very least, be factored in to prevent a cheating mother from keeping the father from only getting to see his kids a couple weekends a month. 1
nofool4u Posted March 13, 2012 Posted March 13, 2012 Well, here's the rub. More guys are getting recongized by the courts for their rights as fathers ( and thank God for that!) Your husband will have visitation rights to those kids. Yes, we all get "visitation". Sorry, it isn't enough. It sucks for fathers still. And if a mother is awarded to be the custodial, she can take the kids states away if she wants.
nofool4u Posted March 13, 2012 Posted March 13, 2012 Agreed with other posters here. Actions > Words I wish my WW understood that Even after all my harsh words, I have to defend her on her actions with regards to custody. Looks like she will do right by him in that regard.
stopdropandroll Posted March 13, 2012 Posted March 13, 2012 Please tell me, what is the right thing to do before God? Obviously, NC with OM. That I am working on. But can you say for sure what is right for me to do next? Repent and try to make amends with your husband. If he won't reconcile with you then you get to stay single for the rest of your life. No boyfriends, bed buddies, or new husband.
Prime Vera Posted March 14, 2012 Posted March 14, 2012 Do I really want to be with him? No, I don't think so. What makes me want to stay and see if there is anything to salvage is for the kids and their intact family. Your family is not intact in any meaningful way. I see more hope for your children in two separate households that do not contain this resentful, unloving, angry and violent dynamic. If you stay and hide your real feelings and pretend to be a happy and "intact" family, you are in a sense now lying to your children also. I sometimes think kids can handle the truth a lot better than we think they can. 3
freestyle Posted March 14, 2012 Posted March 14, 2012 Your family is not intact in any meaningful way. I see more hope for your children in two separate households that do not contain this resentful, unloving, angry and violent dynamic. If you stay and hide your real feelings and pretend to be a happy and "intact" family, you are in a sense now lying to your children also. I sometimes think kids can handle the truth a lot better than we think they can. Kids are more perceptive than some may realize--even if there's never blatant arguing/fighting in their presence---they can sense the undercurrents when things are strained. A child can see when a smile is forced, or faked. My SO grew up in a household where there had been infidelity that was swept under the rug, and never dealt with/discussed.(and therefore never healed) He described it as: "knowing something was wrong---and being confused by his parents trying to pretend that everything was okay.........." It caused him a lot of anxiety as a child, and I'm fairly certain that played a role in his poor communication skills as an adult.
SoulStorm Posted March 14, 2012 Posted March 14, 2012 I see more hope for your children in two separate households that do not contain this resentful, unloving, angry and violent dynamic It appears most of these feelings are coming from her. Her husband may be feeling resentment and sadness for her affairs. WW99, You need to stay NC. You and your husband need to work together to fix this. There are more than just the two of you in this family. Knowing that and doing something about it are two different things. You made some bad choices because you were resentful. If this marriage were to fail..it will be ultimately because of you. Sure..your husband may not have been perfect, but can you honestly say that you were?
Black Jack Posted March 14, 2012 Posted March 14, 2012 I don't know that I am leaving. That is TBD. There has been quite a bit of food for thought here. One is making sure that ending the marriage is because it isn't working and not for OM. You can try and delude yourself into thinking you're divorcing because it's not about your affairs but you'll fail in that area. The other is getting to the root of my resentment. I think much of it stems from habitual (not just ancient past lying), but maybe that's not enough of a reason to explain how I feel. I don't know. You're only mad because your plan is not going as well as you thought it would. This whole "resentment" lies with you and you only. 2
Author wayward 99 Posted March 14, 2012 Author Posted March 14, 2012 Oh, put a sock in it, Black Jack. You are clearly a very bitter person (e.g., your signature line) and have no idea what you are talking about (custody, etc.). Yes, you are right in that H is a perfect person and I am a cheating crackwhore and there is no room for relationship issues outside of infidelity. I doubt you (and some others) even read the posts- you see the word "cheater" and you smell fresh blood. I hope you enjoyed your vents at my expense. OM is over, done. Obviously I have struggled in the past to keep finality in that relationship, BUT I think that this time it is really over and I have taken steps to ensure that that it will stay that way. My heart is broken about it but my conscience was getting the best of me. I keep thinking about how I might lose my relationship with my kids b/c of him. I am sure this paragraph will inspire quite a bit of abuse but it is helpful for me to type out anyway. Marriage appears to be leveled as well though too. I really want to have a clear head now and see if I am able to undo any damage or repair what I've done when in a truly remorseful state. H doesn't think so, and I guess I don't blame him. The one piece of advice I am NOT taking is staying single for the rest of my life. That is the kind of mindset my dad has (even the pastor of my church did not share that view) which led my father to punching me this summer, because yes, he was THAT pissed off that I would consider divorce (he is VERY conservative and a little crazy too). I will say I find it ironic that NoFool4U spent about 4 posts "crucifying" me (bad pun) over affairs and how I would steal my kids away from their father (clearly didn't read what I wrote) and then questions why the church would want to excommunicate me for said offense. You depict me to be the whore of Babylon so why would you be incredulous that a church would also find offense? For the record, in my former church, even if I offered proof of the end of my affair, if I filed for divorce and not husband, because I do not have "biblical grounds" (which include desertion or being the victim of adultery), then the church was prepared to excommunicate. I don't really buy into that. So here, more fresh blood to circle about! Again, it is helpful for me to read some cautionary stories and get thoughtful advice, and to type this out. If you don't actually read what I write or apply custody laws of Antarctica to my story, then don't bother.
Kidd Posted March 14, 2012 Posted March 14, 2012 Oh, put a sock in it, Black Jack. You are clearly a very bitter person (e.g., your signature line) and have no idea what you are talking about (custody, etc.). Yes, you are right in that H is a perfect person and I am a cheating crackwhore and there is no room for relationship issues outside of infidelity. I doubt you (and some others) even read the posts- you see the word "cheater" and you smell fresh blood. I hope you enjoyed your vents at my expense. OM is over, done. Obviously I have struggled in the past to keep finality in that relationship, BUT I think that this time it is really over and I have taken steps to ensure that that it will stay that way. My heart is broken about it but my conscience was getting the best of me. I keep thinking about how I might lose my relationship with my kids b/c of him. I am sure this paragraph will inspire quite a bit of abuse but it is helpful for me to type out anyway. Marriage appears to be leveled as well though too. I really want to have a clear head now and see if I am able to undo any damage or repair what I've done when in a truly remorseful state. H doesn't think so, and I guess I don't blame him. The one piece of advice I am NOT taking is staying single for the rest of my life. That is the kind of mindset my dad has (even the pastor of my church did not share that view) which led my father to punching me this summer, because yes, he was THAT pissed off that I would consider divorce (he is VERY conservative and a little crazy too). I will say I find it ironic that NoFool4U spent about 4 posts "crucifying" me (bad pun) over affairs and how I would steal my kids away from their father (clearly didn't read what I wrote) and then questions why the church would want to excommunicate me for said offense. You depict me to be the whore of Babylon so why would you be incredulous that a church would also find offense? For the record, in my former church, even if I offered proof of the end of my affair, if I filed for divorce and not husband, because I do not have "biblical grounds" (which include desertion or being the victim of adultery), then the church was prepared to excommunicate. I don't really buy into that. So here, more fresh blood to circle about! Again, it is helpful for me to read some cautionary stories and get thoughtful advice, and to type this out. If you don't actually read what I write or apply custody laws of Antarctica to my story, then don't bother. Marriages have survived and thrived after worse. But it does take years of work. At minimum, it takes a truly remorseful WS and a forgiving BS. You appear to have difficulty facing you on both fronts. As for the "bitter" posters, you should realize that many WS will blameshift. They find ways (consciously or subconsciously) to blame their conscious, deliberate choices to selfishly have an affair on their marriage. Be honest, you may have had justified resentment toward your H but that doesn't negate your obligation to either fix the marriage or have the separation/divorce conversation. You have dropped a nuclear bomb on your family and any discussion of your H's faults or problems in the M are ways to shift the blame or attention elsewhere. It makes sense that WS do this. No one wants to have everyone in their life take a cold, hard, deep look at their mistakes. Many WS (all?) also do a significant amount of rewriting their marital history, convincing themselves and others that they have been miserable for years. How else do you justify such terrible actions to yourself while in the midst of doing it. The veteran (and even bitter) posters are intimately aware of this and will call you out on it. Doing so in a soft manner is usually a waste of time. A truly remorseful spouse will completely avoid any conversation about what was wrong in the M or with the BS, especially in light of the devastation they have wrought to the BS. You simply need to get that repairing that damage must happen before any worthwhile discussion on improving the marriage is merited. The marriage may have been poor before but now it is fundamentally broken thanks to you; it was reparable before. It will likely take years to recover. In the meantime, you would need to absolutely commit to NC with the OM for life, be completely and proactively honest with your BS about whatever details he wants in order to try to regain trust, be an open book and utterly transparent with all of your communications, whereabouts, etc., and never, ever get defensive about any of it, face the anger and devastation of your BS and remain apologetic. These are bare bones minimums to reconcile. You need to own the recovery and be willing to do whatever it takes. Are you there? Being on the fence with your TBD approach is a continued insult to your BS. And we haven't even discussed your BSs interest in forgiving you. If you want that, you better quit looking at the gift of reconciliation and saying, hmm, I just don't know. The posters are right to be direct. If you want to R, you better get off the damn fence and if you want help, they're going to try to push you off that fence. 2
2.50 a gallon Posted March 14, 2012 Posted March 14, 2012 WW99 Good for you with you NC with the OM. That is your first step. One of many. I know that it will be a rough road, as at times like these you need someone to talk to. LS is a good place to vent and listen to others opinions. Alas, there are many here who have been cheated on or lost their marriages and still hold grudges. But there are others who will help As for the near future, and looking towards a possible reconcilation, my advice is for now to just try and put it some place out of the way in the back of your mind. And spend the next few months concentrating on the NC and perhaps a little self discovery, once your mind begins to clear and find you who you are and what you want out of life. You already know that you want the best for your kids, start from there.
Black Jack Posted March 14, 2012 Posted March 14, 2012 Oh, put a sock in it, Black Jack. You are clearly a very bitter person (e.g., your signature line) My signature line has nothing to do with seeing how badly you treat your family. and have no idea what you are talking about (custody, etc.). And this is coming from the woman who keeps her kids in a dysfunctional relationship. Yes, you are right in that H is a perfect person and I am a cheating crackwhore and there is no room for relationship issues outside of infidelity. You said that, not me. If you thought you were truly a good person there would be no need for you to belittle yourself. I doubt you (and some others) even read the posts- you see the word "cheater" and you smell fresh blood. I hope you enjoyed your vents at my expense. Show me where I have "vented." All I stated was the truth, nothing more. It seems you're only here for validation instead of actually walking the walk. OM is over, done. Obviously I have struggled in the past to keep finality in that relationship, BUT I think that this time it is really over and I have taken steps to ensure that that it will stay that way. Didn't you say that to your husband the first time you cheated? That it was over and it would never happen again? It's not about you not doing it again, you just don't want to stop. My heart is broken about it but my conscience was getting the best of me. I keep thinking about how I might lose my relationship with my kids b/c of him. I am sure this paragraph will inspire quite a bit of abuse but it is helpful for me to type out anyway. If anyone's heart is broken, it is your husband's. You allowed yourself to participate in those affairs. You didn't let your "conscience" get in the way of tearing up your marriage. If you cared about your relationship at all with your family, you wouldn't be in this position. Marriage appears to be leveled as well though too. I really want to have a clear head now and see if I am able to undo any damage or repair what I've done when in a truly remorseful state. H doesn't think so, and I guess I don't blame him. Same old tune. The one piece of advice I am NOT taking is staying single for the rest of my life. Of course you don't want to take it, even though your current situation is a prime example of why you should stay single for the remainder of your years. Have a few flings here and there, but you'll just poison the next man you're with. That is the kind of mindset my dad has (even the pastor of my church did not share that view) which led my father to punching me this summer, because yes, he was THAT pissed off that I would consider divorce (he is VERY conservative and a little crazy too). You and your dad have issues. Your dad punched you because he's mentally disturbed, and you're not too far off from him either, considering you're a serial cheater with a narcissistic personality disorder. A sociopath. You've shown to your husband that you'll continue to put yourself before him and the kids. That's not someone who deserves to have any custody at all, and any judge with a rational mind would see that, but considering how rigged the court system is against men, there's only a few of them out there. I will say I find it ironic that NoFool4U spent about 4 posts "crucifying" me (bad pun) over affairs and how I would steal my kids away from their father (clearly didn't read what I wrote) I find it hypocritical for you to state how you're sorry about cheating on your husband in one post, but then try to make a bunch of other excuses in your next three posts. What NoFool said about you was correct, and you didn't have to directly state that you would steal your kids away from their father. It's already implied by the tone of your posts and your state of mind altogether and you obviously care nothing about them, and even if you were successful in your coup de grace, your children will grow to resent you for what you've done. and then questions why the church would want to excommunicate me for said offense. You depict me to be the whore of Babylon so why would you be incredulous that a church would also find offense? Considering that you've jumped in the bed with two men at your husband's expense (and probably a lot more men than you've told your husband), it's pretty safe to say that you are the perfect definition of "the Whore of Babylon." For the record, in my former church, even if I offered proof of the end of my affair, if I filed for divorce and not husband, because I do not have "biblical grounds" (which include desertion or being the victim of adultery), then the church was prepared to excommunicate. I don't really buy into that. I don't recall nobody here selling anything to you. Your former church was right to drop your arse to the curb. You're a remorseless skank who's draining her distraught husband of better life he deserves. So here, more fresh blood to circle about! Again, it is helpful for me to read some cautionary stories and get thoughtful advice, and to type this out. If you don't actually read what I write or apply custody laws of Antarctica to my story, then don't bother. Yea you'll whore yourself out again. Tramps like you always got their mouths open for the jizz. 1
2.50 a gallon Posted March 14, 2012 Posted March 14, 2012 I am now retired. And I still miss one of my dearest friends. We graduated from grade school and high school together. And later in life we both ended up in the same trade and worked together at the same plant for over a dozen years. I know his daughters quite well, as they are my nieces. He married my sister about 5 years after getting out of high school. At about age 35 I too married and moved out of state. About a year later he got a wandering eye, got caught, my sister filed for divorce and he eventually married his OW. My nieces were 18 and 13 at that time. The 18 year old almost immediately shut him out. She married a few years later and he was not invited. A year later his only grand son was born, and five years later his only grand daugter was born. He was able to attend their christenings and that is all that he has seen of them My youngest niece, took her time about getting married. It was not that she was a partier, in fact totally the opposite, having put herself through college all the way to a masters and a great career. She does admit that part of the reason for her being slow to find that someone special was the break up of her childhood When she finally married, a good Christian man, he insisted that she invite her father to the wedding. At the church he had to be introduced to his grandkids, as he had not seen them since their christening. At the reception, he came over to where I was and I spent the whole time catching him up on his grandkids lives. In high school he had been a four year letter man. Only to find out that his grand son was on the verge of doing the same, having been a fooball starter from his sophomore year. He still had one more year to play, and in his senior year he finally got to see him play Alas I don't think that he will ever have a grandparent relationship with his grand kids. It is too late, they are grown and moving on in life. As for myself. He only lives about 5 miles away, we both know where each other live. But my sister is my only sibling, and even though she too has remarried and moved on in life, she would feel betrayed should my old friend and I pick up where we left off. I miss my friend
bentnotbroken Posted March 14, 2012 Posted March 14, 2012 Maybe you missed the part about me trying to directly address the problem for TEN years? MC and IC?! Cheating obviously did create a mess, and yes it is selfish. I regret that choice. I probably should have left a long time ago before doing that. Please tell me, what is the right thing to do before God? Obviously, NC with OM. That I am working on. But can you say for sure what is right for me to do next? Open the book and read about for yourself. From your posts we pretty much all kind guestimate where this id going to end up. NO bible needed.
Author wayward 99 Posted March 14, 2012 Author Posted March 14, 2012 Ewww, blackjack, you are disgusting and abusive.
Recommended Posts