lana_sa Posted March 12, 2012 Posted March 12, 2012 So me and my ex talked on fb and we were kinda teasing around,and he made fun of my driving skills ,,,at which i said to him he cant do that since he never was with me in my car,he then replied "well ok then ,once i come back to town i will drive with you once we meet for coffee,right?" a which i replied "haha so now you think we are going to have coffe? he replied "nice way of rejecting me lana,ok ok" and i just ignored and continued with the other questions so did i handle this right? i hope i was not appearing as too cold? what do you guys think?
rootless Posted March 12, 2012 Posted March 12, 2012 (edited) I say this with love: make up your mind about what you want, and then do that thing. If you'd like to meet him for coffee, tell him you'd like to meet him for coffee. If you don't want to meet him, tell him so and be done with it. If you want this guy back, you need to be brave enough to risk being vulnerable and prepare yourself for the consequences. If you can't do that-- have the decency to cut him loose. If you don't want a relationship with this guy, likewise, you owe him the respect and consideration of giving him the truth. Incongruity KILLS trust. Being unpredictable, or misleading isn't cute-- it's cruel, and incredibly destructive. Say what you mean. Do what you say. I apologize if this sounds harsh, or judgmental, but I'd hate to see you, or this guy, be needlessly hurt, when the solution is as simple as being open and honest about what you want. Edited March 12, 2012 by rootless Spelling
Author lana_sa Posted March 12, 2012 Author Posted March 12, 2012 thanks,no not too harsh but it is a bit more complicated and he is the one that broke up with me
rootless Posted March 12, 2012 Posted March 12, 2012 Sorry if i down-played or over-simplified. It's not my place, at all, to diminsh what you're going through. But even if he left you, the sentiment still applies. Being left feels horrible, and it erodes trust so badly-- if he has any empathy at all, he should know that he'll have to go the extra mile to earn that trust back. He should have enough respect and care for you to be absolutely emphatic and clear about what his feelings are. Similarly, you should be totally clear about what your wants and expectations are. And then I think you should let him make that decision, without much encouragement or contact from you. You shouldn't just throw the doors wide open and let him think that leaving you was okay, but you shouldn't be ambiguous about what you want, either. Put it on the table, and take a few steps back. You don't have to accept a half-hearted effort from him, but you should let him know upfront what you're willing to accept, and what you're not. For whatever it's worth, I feel for ya. I've been there, and it's no damn fun.
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