Break up with first love - G.I.G.S. need

[Warrior]

Hello Loveshack,

I discovered this site when my ex-girlfriend left me and I followed your no contact rule etc. BUT I did those

mistakes that I regret now, begging & crying to her to come back and reconsider everything.

 

I just registered and I will share my story with you.

We were dating for almost 3 years. We were both each others first love and lost virginity to eachother.

Before I was dating couple of girls but that was nothing serious and I wouldn't call it love, because

I expirienced love with her. She really loved me, we were cool and happy couple, yeah we had our fights...

 

Straight to the point, I think my ex is having G.I.G.S. syndrome. Because she left me with words that she is confused,

needs space, and dont know what she wants. She told me some guy is interested in her. She started to like and do things

she always swear she wouldn't and don't like (music, clothing style etc.). The break up was not pretty, while on phone one moment she was very cold and

the other her voice is shaky and felt like she would cry. I met up with her couple of times before I decided I should initiate

no contact so I can heal. She was telling me how happy she was now that she is free, but I really couldn't see it on her face and voice.

I could also tell she was very influenced by her "friends" over her break up decision with me. Her friend break up with boyfriend also...

 

Anyway she started dating that new guy 1 month after the break up. At that point I accepted the break up

and told her if she is happy now I am happy for her, and I really am because I dont want to cause her pain etc.

It has been nearly 6 months since the break up and 5 months of NC.

They were in honeymoon stage last I checked, atleast it was like that when I've seen it on facebook. Now I can't see it

because I deleted and blocked her (1 week after she started dating rebound guy) because it was very painful for me.

 

Thank you Wilson, homebrew and smokey bear for your posts it helped me alot and I would really appreciate if you give me tips and reply to this.

 

Sometimes I have these explosions of anger when I realize I was rejected and replaced with some other guy.

And feel like I would kill her even tho its just my anger and imagination I would never hurt her, I hope this is normal...

When I think about second chance I really can't see it because she is now with another guy, probably sharing bed etc. but I still love

her and miss her alot. I have a feeling that it should pass atleast 1-3 years for a second chance, if I will ever want second chance...

As time is passing I am feeling better and better...

 

Hope you'll reply I need some words of comfort in my situation. I want to know what to do when and if she breaks NC. Is that guy rebound guy? Does rebound relationship lasts?

Thank you

 

p.s. I almost forgot I am 20 and my ex is 1 year younger

Edited March 12, 2012 by Warrior

[confidence101]

Just focus on yourself I was in the same situation my ex of 4 yrs left me for another guy this wwas probably the first time I teared up over a girl. I was lonely and depressed for almost a year..after that I healed got my pilots license a new job and was living life plus I met a new girl. Now I. Lost that job and I just broke up with the new girl of 2 yrs and now doin the nc rule its killing me right now I miss her a lot but she was treating me like a bf.poinnt is. Life is filled with ups and downs I know exactly how ur feeling but eventually ull get over it in time. My flight instructor broke up with his girlfriend and he is happy with himself. He takes walks on the boardwalk enjoys the sunset etc all by himself he makes himself happy so. He doesn't depend on women to do it..a skill I'm still trying to master. Just do things that make uhappy and pretty soon someone special will fall right into your hands just don't make the same mistakes twice

[blotter]

Your doing good, stay NC, improve yourself, and you will meet someone new and better. Your explosions of anger are just because your ego took a blow, welcome to the real world.

[windmask]

hi man

 

my story is similiar to urs but that was last year i mean it ended last year after going on for two years. i think my ex's friends influenced her too in a way because she wanted to be more like them and hang out with other guys. she started going out with other guys and telling them shes single which upset me.

 

so in a way i felt she was probably cheating behind my back but i didnt accuse her of cheating. anyhow she decided to break up she was also my best friend but that all changed once she broke up. shes still happy after a year of break up shes happy with her friends or happy with who ever shes dating now. yet i feel hurt every time i think about it.

 

because she humiliated me and i think pretty much left me because she said i wastn educated properly and didnt have money since i was in college last year. i guess to a lot people money is love and people who think differently are kinda like out casts or w.e. but still not sure why i have days when i miss her even after all the stupidness she did to me. its stuppiid really

[wilsonx]

Only you can determine what to do if she communicates with you. You have to remember NC is for you to her not her to you. Its a tool not a rule.

 

If you think hes a rebound then he is, I do not know the situation, you or her.

 

There are different perspectives on how long it will last, what will happen, and when she will come back.

 

The best advice I can offer is for you to move forward, go out and date other people, understand and focus on yourself, and live your life.

 

Missing, hurting, being angry, being in love are all perfectly natural. Don't beat yourself up over it.

 

In the end, no matter what happens, you are going to be happy, she is going to be happy, everyone wins

[pennycoco21]

good luck for u.

[leoc1973]

warrior, same situation here ex dumped me for bigger and better things. She was so down to earth till one day she started telling me that I am the most amazing man in the world I just don't look good on paper. Next thing she is unhappy and dating rich guys and hanging out with doctors and lawyers.

 

She was amazingly happy and let me know it too. she would "check in" once a month with me to see how I am doing(this really meant she wanted to know if I was still pining over her) At about month 2 or 3 she met this guy who was supposedly the best thing that has ever happened to her. I think they went through their honeymoon period and its now over(from what I hear) funny thing is at month 8 I happened to meet the most amazing girl. For a while I didn't think about my ex and I didn't hear from her for 2 months. Then she said happy valentines day through an instant message. I said it back and then didn't hear from her for another few days.

 

Well now she starts messaging me every day almost and my phone rings and caller id says its her. I didn't even answer. I was very torn by my feelings to hear from her. A little happy because she was my best friend at one point and the love of my life. And the other half of me was like ugh what does she wan't. We talked for an hour and a half after she tried calling me several times I finally picked up. It really was nice to hear from her and I wish her no ill will but the feelings are almost gone.

 

Thing is I am almost positive she was trying to either get her hooks back in me or wants me back. The jury is still out on that one. But she mentioned the guy I HAD been dating once and the guy I WAS dating again. I am pretty sure she is single. If she had come back a couple months ago I would have welcomed her with open arms but not now. Now I have to see where my new love interest is going to go. She kept trying to bring up how well she knows me and no one will ever know me like she does and a lot of happy memories/times.

 

Anyways this is why a lot of gigs breakups never end up back together because they usually come back as soon as you move on.

 

MY advice to you is to give up hope. Hope is great sometimes but in this situation it will keep you hanging forever. And funny thing is you give up hope you really do start to move on and see that other women really are just as good or better than your ex. And then thats when they seem to always come back. I think its all like this crazy perfect timing. They go get whatever they had to get out of their system right around the time you got them out of your system.

 

For me I at about the 7 month mark is when I said to myself "self, she isn't coming back" Month 8 new girl Month 9 serious feelings for new girl developing and month 10 ex seems like she knows what she lost. I think I am right on pace because wilson and smokey predicted everything down to the detail so far. If I recall they said right around month 12 is when serious reconciliation attempt will be made by ex. We shall see!

 

Oh and hey man I know you hate her and I know you are hurting but this really isn't her fault or yours. its about her brain maturing from a girl to a woman and actually needing this. Don't hold it against her if you want a second chance and she comes back and DO NOT blame yourself because there really is nothing you could have done. This is a transition for some women and she would have used an excuse that you left a cup off the coaster if she needed to. The reasons for the breakup are meaningless its just a justification in her head. She will also look back and say she was never really happy at all. She was but again she needs to justify this in her own head.

[stimson554]

I don't know if many people realize this, but theres alot you can learn from parents/older generation about relationship, and while i like this site, i also prefer the advice of someone more experienced or qualified to give it then anyone in our generation, why? because the simply knew how to do it right, how to properly facilitate and maintain healthy relationships, ask a parent or an elder sometime, they will drop loads of extremely helpful knowlegde on you.

[Warrior]

First off all I was reading your posts people and thinking about what you said.

 

Yeah, I think hope is what is holding alot of us down before we move on completely. But I feel my hope is dying and I hope it will die away so I can forget her.

 

@confidence101 thank you for your reply, if that was your first love, now when you think about it do you still have feelings for her? Hold on there man

 

@Wilson Yea I have alot of rollercoaster emotions going on, but latelly less and less. I initiated NC to heal myself and to destroy negative feelings that I was going trough with her in that break up month (fights, hard words... etc.). I want to meet that girl 2-3-4 years down the road again, and want to be more than a friend with her again. Yeah I know its my first love but I was dating before and I think she is special, she just need to go trough the GIGS to see what we had. So, what to do to accomplish that (when she breaks NC etc... been thinking about that alot)?

 

@Leoc I feel you man, we have same situtation. I really miss her company as a best friend, but I don't want to be a friend with her, thats not possible. You know what amazes me, life is full of things to learn. And you know when somebody older tells you a fact and you reply "naaah its not like that"? Well, now I see some stuff, every girl have that "hoe-slut part of brain" that much older friends were telling me. Well you can't blame girls its just how it is. Maybe someday I will meet 1 girl from 0.0076% part of population that dont have that part of brain.

 

What I learned from this:

- never show your weakness

- never share your deep secrets

- always stay a little mysterious

- always smile be happy and stay strong - be a leader (this is maybe the most important stuff and I can write in the next post why)

If something more comes to my mind I'll write it in next post...

 

Thank you all for replys, I hope you'll read this also. I will keep you updated about my situation. This helps me alot because some of the energy is getting out of me so I don't explode from the inside. I am working out alot since the break up and I can tell you that helps alot and to build that man I was before I met my first love.

And I also hope you will keep posting here so we can keep our conversation going, Its good to see other peoples opinions and thoughts (especially in this situation).

 

Stay safe & God speed guys

Thank you,

 

Warrior

[Warrior]

bump.

 

This is what helped me alot:

 

1. Meditation my friends, on the daily basis

2. Gym (regular workout)

3. Shadow Boxing ( I am not joking ) - this is to remind yourself whats it all about, the very nature and definition of the "man", afterall the mass media is trying to cover it up and bring some unnatural & unhealthy stuff in our brains which is gross.

4. Take care what you eat, eat healthy.

5. Look for little things, in the long run it will bring you smile and happiness

 

6 months passed. Yes I am still in love with the old person the ex girlfriend was. Now I am starting to see how cruel she was on the break up. And she changed 180 degrees (GIGS symptoms, doing everything she sweared not to bla bla bla...). Yea, I am wondering how is that possible, but no, I won't do that, I don't want to wonder or think about her anymore, I don't want anything to bring me down. I know she will be sorry one day for doing this. But I want her to be happy because I love her for what she used to be. "Speak no evil, hear no evil".

 

I just hope I will meet some cute and nice girl very soon. I miss hugs alot. I miss being wanted. I kinda dont miss sex as much as I miss love. I guess I'ma sucka for love but thats alright, I heard some girls still love that

 

Warrior

[budley12]

thanks for sharing warrior. It gives me and im sure other hope that we will be able to move past this hurt. It seems that I take 2 steps forward then 3 steps back. Luckily I have kept with NC for 8weeks so I do not know what is going on in his life (even though I sort of wish I did). Breakup was 4months ago so hopefully when I reach the 2month mark I will be where you are at.

[BewitchedandBothered]

bump.

 

This is what helped me alot:

 

1. Meditation my friends, on the daily basis

2. Gym (regular workout)

3. Shadow Boxing ( I am not joking ) - this is to remind yourself whats it all about, the very nature and definition of the "man", afterall the mass media is trying to cover it up and bring some unnatural & unhealthy stuff in our brains which is gross.

4. Take care what you eat, eat healthy.

5. Look for little things, in the long run it will bring you smile and happiness

 

6 months passed. Yes I am still in love with the old person the ex girlfriend was. Now I am starting to see how cruel she was on the break up. And she changed 180 degrees (GIGS symptoms, doing everything she sweared not to bla bla bla...). Yea, I am wondering how is that possible, but no, I won't do that, I don't want to wonder or think about her anymore, I don't want anything to bring me down. I know she will be sorry one day for doing this. But I want her to be happy because I love her for what she used to be. "Speak no evil, hear no evil".

 

I just hope I will meet some cute and nice girl very soon. I miss hugs alot. I miss being wanted. I kinda dont miss sex as much as I miss love. I guess I'ma sucka for love but thats alright, I heard some girls still love that

 

Warrior

 

First off, is that you in your profile pic? You have some badass ink, if so! But I digress;) I am so happy you are doing great things for yourself!! And I love even more that you said you loved what she used to be, thus realizing that she changed from that person who lured you in to a person who is acting less than stellar:)

 

You know you deserve much better and you will have it:)

[ThatDudeXO]

bump.

 

This is what helped me alot:

 

1. Meditation my friends, on the daily basis

2. Gym (regular workout)

3. Shadow Boxing ( I am not joking ) - this is to remind yourself whats it all about, the very nature and definition of the "man", afterall the mass media is trying to cover it up and bring some unnatural & unhealthy stuff in our brains which is gross.

4. Take care what you eat, eat healthy.

5. Look for little things, in the long run it will bring you smile and happiness

 

6 months passed. Yes I am still in love with the old person the ex girlfriend was. Now I am starting to see how cruel she was on the break up. And she changed 180 degrees (GIGS symptoms, doing everything she sweared not to bla bla bla...). Yea, I am wondering how is that possible, but no, I won't do that, I don't want to wonder or think about her anymore, I don't want anything to bring me down. I know she will be sorry one day for doing this. But I want her to be happy because I love her for what she used to be. "Speak no evil, hear no evil".

 

I just hope I will meet some cute and nice girl very soon. I miss hugs alot. I miss being wanted. I kinda dont miss sex as much as I miss love. I guess I'ma sucka for love but thats alright, I heard some girls still love that

 

Warrior

 

I feel just like you my friend! I share the exact same feelings! Hang in there!

[Warrior]

budley I was reading your posts but didn't had time to reply. You are strong you WILL overcome this. I am really glad my stuff helped you, really believe me I am. Do not break no contact, love yourself and continue to improve yourself. That is my advice, after some time you get to see some beautiful little things in life all this false hope of crumbled "love" will fade away and you will feel yourself again. Get to know I in yourself. Don't ever get someone crush I in yourself. One day you will meet the other I, it is there somewhere, and you will know when I and I meet.

I am not sure if you know what I am talking about, but I think you will (overtime probably), maybe you could google it. :)

 

Bewitched ey, thanks for positive vibration there. I hope my posts helped you as much as yours helped me.

I will do my ribcage very soon I am saving money for it. I will put it on the left side underneath my arm in colors (I heard its very painful area, so what!? ). Thats not me in the picture but I have similiar design which I will do. Are you into tattoos?

 

Thank you for replying, you guys are giving me alot of positive energy which is helping me alot.