How can I get over her completely?

[AltoidsCan]

Hey guys,

 

After a 8 months of relationship, she have decided to end it in the bad way. I was very clingy as she kept on hanging out with her ex (she also cheated on me with this guy during the first month) and it got to a point where it was bad.

 

Now that I think about it, it is fairly obvious that she did not care for me. I am not going to say a lot because it was a bad experience for me.

 

But the weird thing is... I can't get her out of my head. She frequently visits me in my dreams and whenever I think about her with her ex or anyone else, it pokes my wound again. Its been almost two months since it ended in a bad way. But why am I missing her? All of my friends called her bitch for what she has done to me but I still miss her..

 

The only reasoning from my end is that I've lost my virginity to this girl whereas I was her 10th guy. Can this be the true reason?

 

What is the effective solution to get out of this mess? I really want to stop not being able to sleep.. Etc

[AltoidsCan]

Oh yes, people said there were only physical attraction between me and my ex and that's the only reason why it's so hard for me to let go.

[Philosoraptor]

You don't aim to forget, but to find peace and acceptance with the situation. Just take care of yourself and work on making your own dreams come true.

[AltoidsCan]

Thanks for your insight.. But I cannot seem to find a way to cope with sudden burst of thoughts about her... What can I do in this situation?

[Philosoraptor]

Thanks for your insight.. But I cannot seem to find a way to cope with sudden burst of thoughts about her... What can I do in this situation?

Focus on yourself. Explore new hobbies and do some of the things that you have always wanted to do.

[rootless]

AltoidsCan --

 

That first love packs quite a wallop, my friend.

I'm not going to lie to you-- for most of us, our first experience with love is a doozy.

 

I'm sure you've been inundated with lame cliches and hokey platitudes already, but here's the deal-- those things are usually pretty true, as cheesy as they sound.

 

It's all about distance and time.

Unfortunately, that's the only remedy.

 

The good news is, there are things you can do to help mitigate the pain.

I'm not saying any of these will make your suffering go away, but they'll help a lot.

 

Physical activity is your friend.

Exercise is enormously beneficial when you're going through a break-up.

Aside from keeping you somewhat preoccupied and distracted, it also washes your brain in all kinds of wonderful endorphins that help soothe the pain.

And it has the added bonus of making you look healthier and more attractive.

It may sound ridiculous, but trust me, the little mental boost you'll get from knowing you're more appealing to the opposite sex will work wonders. Like I said, it may sound stupid, but it'll help curb the obsessive thoughts, it'll elevate your mood, and help bolster your physical self-image, which in turn will reinforce your emotional self-image.

Even if you hate working out, give it a shot.

 

Typically I'm lazy as hell, and I loathe everything about going to the gym, but when I've gotten really depressed, I've forced myself to lift weights at home, and ride my bike, and the benefits are genuinely noticeable. I'm ALWAYS in a better mood afterwards. Without exception.

 

GET OUT OF THE HOUSE.

 

Do NOT isolate yourself.

 

I speak from experience.

 

Even if you just go to a park and talk with a friend, or join someone to see a movie, or watch TV-- make sure you take efforts to get out and connect with people.

 

I can tell you first-hand, that allowing yourself to spend an excessive amount of time alone is a BAD idea.

 

Isolation is the world's best breeding environment for repetitive thoughts and depression. DON'T DO IT.

 

Pour yourself into your job, or schoolwork, or a new hobby.

The benefits are ENDLESS.

 

Find something that has given you a sense of purpose and accomplishment in the past, and completely dedicate yourself to it. You have amazing things to offer the world. SHARE THEM. Really bust your ass on a work project, or your studies-- whatever your passions are.

 

You can get through this.

 

You WILL get through this.

 

Show yourself a lot of kindness and respect while you're grieving your loss, but really make an effort to use this as an opportunity to grow.

 

Breaking up sucks. It's THE WORST.

I have the deepest compassion and understanding for you.

 

But you CAN turn it into something positive.

 

You're FREE now.

And as painful as that is-- it's a GIFT, if you allow it to be.

 

I have every faith that you can emerge from all this heartache as a stronger, wiser, deeper, more loving human being.

 

Philosoraptor is absolutely right: use this as an opportunity to work on yourself.

 

It's hard, I know -- but you can do it.

 

We're all pulling for you.

[AltoidsCan]

Thanks for the wonderful advice. It really helps to l know that there are people pulling for me. Despite being a lazy person, I have tried many times to be overly active and I agree, it works when you're busy. But as soon as you start having some free time to yourself, that's when everything shatters. I go back to who I was... Times like just before u head to bed and what not... I cannot seem to find a solution for this yet.

[rootless]

Yes, you have.

 

You said it yourself -- being busy works.

So, stay busy.

 

I know that's over-simplifying things to the extreme, and I don't mean to minimize your pain, but that's honestly the best method of healing.

 

You'll always have those moments when you're left in stillness to deal with your grief, but the trick is not to wallow in it.

 

You'll dwell on the sadness quite a bit-- and that's totally normal -- but you don't want to get LOST in it.

 

Believe me, I know how terribly this hurts, and how impossible it feels to overcome at times, but I swear to God, the BEST way to deal with it is to focus on things that make YOU better.

 

Read books that make you smarter and more imaginative.

Go hiking, or take walks in nature-- remind yourself that you're surrounded by beauty.

Hang out with friends who make you laugh and remind you how funny you are.

Maybe think about volunteering somewhere, and giving your time to help others.

You're a bad-ass -- lend your talents and strengths to people who will appreciate that. You'll feel AWESOME.

 

I know talk is cheap, but I'm being 100% honest with you: the only way you truly lose in this scenario is if you give up.

 

You'll have setbacks.

You'll cry and you'll scream and sometimes you'll think you're going crazy -- but just keep moving FORWARD.

 

It's so easy to say, and so difficult to do-- but you honestly have the power to shape this experience into something good.

 

It's going to hurt like Hell, and it'll push you to edge, and past, every limit you think you have, but you can do it.

 

This woman fell in love with you for a reason.

 

And that reason hasn't faded simply because she's not around.

 

Just focus on doing things YOU like, that improve YOUR life, that benefit the people YOU love, and I promise you, it won't go unnoticed, or unrewarded.

 

Every relationship you have in the future will be that much more meaningful and enriching because of what you're going through right now.