Octavius Posted March 12, 2012 Posted March 12, 2012 Haven't talked to my ex in ~3 months now and in fact that last time we contacted she pretty much told me to quit contacting her and told her friends not to talk to me aswell. Our breakup wasn't bad but I def did not want it (was primarily due to loss of attraction but her severe depression at the time had a bit to do with things to I think). Now last night I was moving the trashcan from the backside of the apartment to the frontside of the apartment a little after Midnight as today was trash day. Anyways right as I'm getting the trash from the backside I see the exact same car she has driving by (no one in my apartment complex drives one). Then I hear her breaks squeal as she goes over the speedbump which made me think even more holy **** its her. Anyways as I'm moving the trashcan around from she comes driving by the front and I see the dent in the side of her car that has always been there, so now I'm pretty much 100% positive it is her. I'm pretty sure she also saw me and thus knows I saw her (crazy timing). Now why would she just randomly drive by....thoughts? Looks like she came into my complex just to drive by my apartment. Only thing I can think of is maybe to drop off something in my mailbox and then saw me and kept driving or just wanted to drive by out of curiosity/boredom (I don't use Facebook or anything and we don't have any mutual friends anymore so she has no clue what I'm up to really but she still lives nearby). When we broke up she had zero friends who lived back where I live so that is likely not a cause of her being back here. Also she was the one who dumped me ~4 months ago and after being broken up for a month I begged for her back (fail) and then haven't bothered trying to talk to her since. Roommate also told me he saw on facebook a week or two ago that she now has a new boyfriend who sounds like a complete loser. Also relevant I think she lost her job a few days before this occurred so maybe that has something to do with it. I would still get back with her... I've met some new girls I like but I don't really want to pursue a serious relationship with any of them, ex is still the only girl I've ever had really strong feelings for. I did not contact her when she drove by (probably would have if she didn't have a boyfriend) nor did she contact me and it has been over a week now since this happened.
TaraMaiden Posted March 12, 2012 Posted March 12, 2012 forget it. she was probably just curious. don't ever try to second-guess another person's intentions. the question is never about what they're doing, or why. the question is always 'what are you going to do about it?' and the answer should be - absolutely nothing. forget it. 1
Author Octavius Posted March 14, 2012 Author Posted March 14, 2012 Anyone else? Wondering if/when I will ever hear from her again, still have her number but it has been 3.5 months NC. I'm guessing getting caught driving by was pretty embarrassing for her, I thought about texting her but decided against it.
rootless Posted March 14, 2012 Posted March 14, 2012 (edited) My ex has done the same thing. A few times. TaraMaiden is absolutely right: it makes NO difference. Unless she's brave enough to get out of the car, walk up to your door, knock, and tell you that she unequivocally loves you and cannot live without you, it's all just posturing. A person who really loves you, who is healthy and secure enough to be the partner you deserve, will tell you, without any room for doubt, that she wants you. You want a person who's interest in you extends beyond the confines of their motor vehicle. Don't settle for anything less. Edited March 14, 2012 by rootless
Author Octavius Posted March 14, 2012 Author Posted March 14, 2012 Hmmm, have you been out of contact with your ex too? If it wasn't for the fact she had a boyfriend (arguably a "rebound" I think they met ~2 weeks after we broke up) now I would have contacted her. In a weird way it is really nice to know that she atleast thinks about me a lot and has some feelings for me, I kinda found out other things that made me realize she thinks about me regularly. Probably has a lot to do with the fact that breakup was fairly sudden\ended out of nowhere while she was really depressed\having a ****ty week.
rootless Posted March 14, 2012 Posted March 14, 2012 (edited) I broke off contact with her a year ago, and haven't exchanged words with her for about 9 months. But she does check in on me with annoying regularity, through means that are generally passive and non-committal. I had her removed from my friends list on Facebook, so she subscribed to my public posts, and would look up the FB page for my design business -- I blocked her. Up until last month, she was checking my portfolio website about 3 times a week. I blocked her IP. (being a nerd pays off, periodically) She's driven by my house a few times. Every three months or so, I get friend requests, or subscriptions from her friends-- people I barely know, who I distanced myself from as soon as we broke up. It's never anything overt, or meaningful. It's basically just voyeurism. And it drives me NUTS. She left me on ridiculously lame, disappointing terms. I was deeply hurt me when we split up, and I was undeniably clear with her that I had ZERO desire to maintain any kind of connection with a person who thought it was acceptable to treat me the way she did. I severed all ties and walked away, cold turkey. And since then, my only dealings with her are these bizarre, totally unconstructive efforts she takes to.. I dont' know what, exactly.. spy on me? It baffles me. Beyond strange. And it confuses the sh*t out of me. Particularly since she just got engaged to some other guy. This dude proposed, and 3 days later, she was on my website several times, on Valentine's Day. That's what prompted me to block her IP. Seriously-- who does that? It's so, so weird. Really frustrating. It's hard enough to let go and move on, without these stupid phantom gestures that are never accompanied by any explanation or reason. I just don't get it. There's a part of me that unreasonably, idiotically finds comfort in the fact that she hasn't forgotten me, but it's in stark conflict with the part of me that just wants to stop hurting and get on with my goddamn life. She's not preventing me from doing that-- but she's not making it any easier, that's for sure. Edited March 14, 2012 by rootless
BoredAgain Posted March 14, 2012 Posted March 14, 2012 This is funny. I think the exact same thing happened to me just recently. It's been 3+ months since the breakup. I saw a car parked outside that was the same make/model/color as my Ex's. It was late at night and there were no other cars parked on the street (that I could see). I looked out my window for a bit thinking, "wTF? Is that her?" but I couldn't tell for certain. I walked away for 30 seconds, but when I returned the car was gone. I don't know what it was about nor can I be absolutely certain that it was her. So everybody else here is right: forget it. Act like it didn't happen because it makes no difference.
Author Octavius Posted March 14, 2012 Author Posted March 14, 2012 (edited) ^Further proof I don't get women. Like 6 weeks ago my buddy talked to her to about getting a piece of furniture back that was his that she had and she said she would call him to arrange a time to drop it off at my apartment so he can get it. She hasn't called him back\dropped it off yet. She never even came to get her stuff nor gave me any of the things I had at her apartment back. Edited March 14, 2012 by Octavius
youngster Posted March 14, 2012 Posted March 14, 2012 This may have happened to me too. My mom came home about a month ago saying as she was driving away from my house, she saw my ex driving up the street. She didn't get a lot of details but said it looked just like her car and looked just like her driving. Unfortunately my exs car is looking more and more common so I'll never know if it was her or not. The only thing it does is get my gears spinning. I agree with rootless and Tara. It doesn't matter, even though I personally want it to be significant soo badly. Rootless, how do you know she subscribed to your public feeds?
rootless Posted March 14, 2012 Posted March 14, 2012 (edited) how do you know she subscribed to your public feeds? When FB added their subscription service, they included a list of who subscribes to you, but isn't on your friends list. She showed up there for a couple weeks, and then apparently canceled of her own accord. She does stuff like that fairly often. I dunno if she's confused, or cruel, of just trying to provoke a reaction from me, or what. I never respond. In all honesty, I still love her. But there's no foundation of trust any more-- her behavior's just too erratic for me to believe in her. So I just stay away. It sucks. It just seems mean at this point. Like I said, I truly don't get it. Edited March 14, 2012 by rootless
Author Octavius Posted March 16, 2012 Author Posted March 16, 2012 (edited) Ugh I keep wanting to text her about how I we saw eachother when she drove by but the fact that she has a boyfriend makes me unable to, can't handle rejection from her. Really hope to hear from her someday.... drunkpost/10 Edited March 16, 2012 by Octavius
EgoJoe Posted March 16, 2012 Posted March 16, 2012 OP: Let me make this simple for you. Listen to Tara. Second, there is a thread on LS that exposes what is going on in her head. I can't recall it but search for "clawed my back" and the point that the thread I mention exposes. They don't want you (right now) but they don't want anyone else to have you because they still view you as theirs. You are not theirs. They gave you up, you are your own person. Why did she drive by? More than likely to see if you were home and if you had company. Block on FB, Disrespect the enablers and remove accounts of phoney friends that might be her. Go to Askmen.com and look for the "Funny things women do on Facebook." You'll lose your mind when you realize how often this happens. Forget about these kind of chicks they are a waste of your time. While they get old, fat, mentally warped and used up like an old wash rag searching for the BBD which they already gave up long ago when things got rough as opposed to admitting their faults to themselves. Your value as a man goes up. Their value is going down especially because they are going to burn out and end up a wreck. While you are going to find out a chick that values you. You think she'd be worried about you finding someone else or checking up on you if you weren't an "option" etc. to her. Move beyond option status. You're a man, you're a priority. Forget her motivations she is nothing but the dumb broad who disrespected you and your space. A normal Woman who broke up for the right reasons would be leaving you alone, would not be stalking your apartment, FB etc. etc. blah blah blah. Peace.
coughingzebra Posted March 16, 2012 Posted March 16, 2012 It's because of "what if" moments. I'm not proud of it but I've done the same things she's done. But not all of the things though! I'm not that desperate! I've driven by a guy's house before. Took the same route. All just to re-live the moments we were together. If he wasn't here, just seeing his facebook, knowing how he's doing, seeing his house, really filled the void. Temporarily. It really has to do with the void. She has depression. Lost her job. Lousy boyfriend. What do you expect? She stinks of desperation and she's in regret-mode. She's re-living any good moments you too shared, because that's the only fresh memories she has in her happy place.
coughingzebra Posted March 16, 2012 Posted March 16, 2012 I really feel like you know what you're doing. You realize you love her, but her behavior is not ideal for what you have to offer. It's difficult realizing this AND knowing that you have feelings. I don't know if anyone's given you praise about it, but good job. Don't really see people like you these days. Girls and guys just collapse to their desires, hormones, and irrationality. Thumbs up!
Sugarkane Posted March 16, 2012 Posted March 16, 2012 You talk of this other guy- The lousy boyfriend of hers. Well she chose him, so that's her problem! Good riddance.
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