Buttercup84 Posted March 12, 2012 Posted March 12, 2012 I joined this board in August 2011 when I was going through the worst pain in my life. I was with my ex for two years when he dumped me for the second time and I found out he was on a dating site. for our entire relationship . He was emotionaly abusive and our relationship was just toxic . I went to my doctor three times a week for a month maybe as I couldn't handle it , had professionals visit me at home at midnight as I felt like ending it. Went to the emergency room because I felt so much pain and had breakdowns at work and begged and pleaded to him for months . I went NC and while I felt sad I was doing much better. Then after 7 months since he ended it he contacted me again wanting to get back and saying all the right things . I fell for it , and two days later he changed his mind and then didn't contact me for weeks until I did. He said I was just filtering out what I wanted to hear and that there is no point as he moved across the country. I broke down that night . We haven't been in touch since Valentines day and the first few days after that I was upset, angry and confused. But now I can actually think about him and not be sad. Of course some things remind me of him and I get a bit nostaligic about the past but I know it is in the past and he wasn't good enough for me . I can do a lot better and he will never change. He wasn't what I needed in a man and I would have been miserable with him if we did get married like I wish we did . I am having nice long talks with this guy I met on a forum randomly , and we have been talking for hours over facebook and just having nice chats , about anything . He lives overseas though so the chance of us ever meeting is really zero. But I enjoy the flirting and the chatting , having the butterflies I haven't felt since I met my ex. I am happy to just stay in touch with this guy and be friends. Who knows what happens ? But I am just enjoying it and not thinking of my ex. It makes me realize I CAN love again and feel giddy over someone else now. If I had the choice of meeting the overseas guy or never haven broken up with my ex, I would choose meeting the new guy . Just to see how we would get on . But I have been feeling happy for a while now , and I never ever thought I would get to this stage of indifference . If you look back , I must have started 10 posts a day back then . Now I hardly come on . I am going to stay on a bit to give out advice to those who are going through the worst , I think I want to give that back . LS has helped me so so much , it has kept me sane. I want to thank you all and there are some special ones who know who they are. And I can't stress it enough , please stick to NC ! it is the only time I felt sane and if I kept talking to him I wouldn't be where I am. I know you don't want to get over them , you will do anything to be with them and you never want to love again . But I went through hell , now I made it through . You do not want to be with someone who does not want you . Really ? is that the romance , the happy ending you want ? begging for someone to want you back ? be with someone who can actually imagine a life with YOU ? when you can't imagine a life without them ? I promise , you WILL get through this . I am so happy I can actually say this now , that I can actually write this right now . I am happy being alone and can't wait to meet the person I am meant to be with one day. All the best xxxx 10
tipsyleprachauns Posted March 12, 2012 Posted March 12, 2012 That really is inspiring to hear. That someone can have been absolutely rock bottom and still pull through to indifference. Although it sounds like he treated you pretty badly. Do you think maybe that helped with getting there? I long for indifference these days as much as I long to have her back, but she certainly wasn't what I'd call abusive and I am still crazy about her so exactly a month into NC I'm struggling to see that will ever diminish.
Author Buttercup84 Posted March 12, 2012 Author Posted March 12, 2012 I am sorry to hear about your breakup . After the breakup I thought he was the most perfect man in the world. It took me a long time to see who he really was. Even if your ex was really good to you and a good person , you will see one day why you were not meant to be. I used to HATE it when people told me " you are not meant to be " it hurt like hell . I wanted to die , never even look at another man . I broke NC so many times and it hurt a lot more doing so . But trust me , it hurts like hell and not talking to the person you love so much is torture. But in the end it is the best way to cure your heart. Keep posting here instead of contacting her. You will get through this I promise xx 1
Mack05 Posted March 12, 2012 Posted March 12, 2012 wow...I am sooo proud. You are a great girl and I hope now I can call you a friend. I have been here for all your journey and see you become the woman you are today, has been truly inspiring. I have been leaving LS and coming back for awhile now. I leave cause I know it's the best thing for me. I stay because it's the last attachment I have to my ex. I know now I have to cut the chord and never come back. Like you B, I need to REALLY start living my life again. I notice I suffer setbacks when I am on here reading tough stories and it really effects my healing, which has been ongoing for long while now and will remain that way until I follow my own advice. So like you I am leaving and like you I hope I never come back. There are awesome people on this site and its a place I will remember fondly, but staying too long has set me back when I know I need to move forward with my life and make real lasting permanent progress/change. It's been a pleasure buttercup. I have 0% doubt you will meet the right guy and be very happy in future. This experience will give you strength that you never had before. I hope other posters, especially new one's read your posts and be comforted knowing that there is light at the end of a very dark tunnel. When there is a wedding I expect an invite haha. Would be good to get back to NSW again! It's Been 12 years! I used to Rock that place :-) I wish you every success and will follow your journey on Facebook...
a_bit_lost Posted March 12, 2012 Posted March 12, 2012 Buttercup84 - I need your help. I'm rock bottom, please take a moment to read my posts. I'm where you were I think.
shayla Posted March 12, 2012 Posted March 12, 2012 So good to see your progress from when you began posting. i'm very happy for you.
nick d Posted March 12, 2012 Posted March 12, 2012 Good job! I hope I can get to that point! I like your part about NC.. I suck at keeping NC. I have broke it so many times only to hurt more! I am on day 6 of NC, I hope I can maintain it.
Author Buttercup84 Posted April 7, 2012 Author Posted April 7, 2012 Thank you everyone ! trust me , it is a very hard journey but you will get through . Coming from someone like me , who posted here at least five times a day or more ... STAY NC
SilverBlueAndGold Posted April 7, 2012 Posted April 7, 2012 Great post, and the broken hearted salute you!
mike588 Posted April 7, 2012 Posted April 7, 2012 Hey Butter..I'm sure you remember me....we were both dumped about the same time and I'm where you are now...God I thought I'd never get there...get over her and the b/u. Oh does it ever feel sooo good. One thing I';ve learned from all of this is that when I die I won't be going to hell......I've already been there!!! I'm happy for you and always wish you my best!!!!!
rejected_lost Posted April 8, 2012 Posted April 8, 2012 Hi... I'm really happy for you and it's so good to see you've gotten through hell... I'm in a very bad situation right now and I hope I will be able to post what you have one day... it feels terrible right now but I'm not giving up on myself... I wish you luck in life and may you find that special one who truly deserves you... cheers and tc
stitch702 Posted April 8, 2012 Posted April 8, 2012 I'm so happy to see things are looking up for you buttercup84!! Hope the worst is truly over and that you are enjoying life. I too decided to stay a bit on LS to help and talk to people that were going through what we went through. LS really has been a blessing so I figure it's just my way of returning the favor also
LostGirl11 Posted April 8, 2012 Posted April 8, 2012 How did you get through the nights? When ever I have a break up I can't seem to handle the nights
Author Buttercup84 Posted April 27, 2012 Author Posted April 27, 2012 Thanks everyone , and sorry for not replying earlier . This place helped me so much . Some things that helped : Joining a gym , doing yoga and meditation , finding a new hobby ( painting and gym for me ) and just NC . Night times are the hardest. I got myself lavende oil for my pillow , a body pillow and listend to some nice soothing classical music . There is no magical cure for a heartbreak , time does make it a lot better . But seriously , not talking to them is the biggest help 2
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