banksy Posted March 12, 2012 Posted March 12, 2012 Hi..first i'd like to say that I'm new here. I'm hoping that a little advice from some perfect strangers can help me. This story is long and complicated, so I'll try to cut the out the fat and keep it brief and on topic. Just about one year ago, a girl that i had been chasing after for quite sometime randomly said "i love you" to me. We had both been drinking that night and ended up lying in her bed when she said it. It was totally out of the blue, unexpected. The next day i asked her about it. She said that she had meant what she said, but "not in the way you might think"..whatever that means. Anyways, I had poured my heart out to this girl several months before and was swiftly rejected by her which spurred a period of non-communication. The night she dropped the L-Bomb on me was only the second time I'd seen her since (the first being just days prior). So, we start hanging out again a lot. To me it had gotten to the point where it felt like we were a couple, like I could call her my girlfriend. This went on for roughly three months... Then she moved 1000 miles away for a new job. I told her I wanted to come with her but she wasn't having any of that. It was very disheartening to see her go. Seven months pass and we've talked, texted, emailed, etc. EVERY SINGLE DAY since she moved. I even drove to see her TWICE!!! Then one night I sent a text asking what she was up to ----- "going on a date" was the reply. So i asked her if she was seeing someone. She told me she had been for like three months. That was a heart breaker, lemme tell ya... A few days later, I talked to her on the phone. She told me that the months leading up to her moving away she was emotionally detached from everything and drinking a lot. I also got from this conversation that she still wants to be friends... Here's my dilemma: I don't think she really deserves my friendship. She's broken my heart more than I care to remember. I would have moved mountains for her because of how she made me feel...I loved her like crazy and still do. It still hurts so bad. I've all but stopped talking to her and her the same to me. I did wish her a happy birthday recently because I do actually care about her. Sometimes I feel like she never really cared about me though....like I was just some guy on the other end to give her attention until somebody else came along. It's taken me a long time to want to believe that I'm better off trying to erase her from my life. It's a struggle though, because I fell hard for this one and sometimes grasp onto fall hopes delusions of reality. It's like I never wanted to accept it. What should I do? I don't necessarily want to just *poof* make her vanish and end all communication even though I know deep down it has to be that way if I ever want to be happy again. thanks in advance for any replies
Frank13 Posted March 12, 2012 Posted March 12, 2012 I also got from this conversation that she still wants to be friends... Here's my dilemma: I don't think she really deserves my friendship. She's broken my heart more than I care to remember. I would have moved mountains for her because of how she made me feel...I loved her like crazy and still do. It still hurts so bad. I've all but stopped talking to her and her the same to me. I did wish her a happy birthday recently because I do actually care about her. Sometimes I feel like she never really cared about me though....like I was just some guy on the other end to give her attention until somebody else came along. Welcome to Love Shack. It is the place to be when you are hurting. Let me tell you, I had a very similar situation to yours and you are very smart and perceptive as to what is going on. You are right, she doesn't deserve your friendship, if for no other reason for you to heal. More so, you are right in that she never really cared about you. If she did, she wouldn't want to be friends so she could heal. Since she didn't care, there is no hurt for her, so no reason for her not to want to be friends, especially because of the attention you gave her. You are right also in that she liked the attention and ate it up until, and even once, someone else came along. Another clue she didn't care is what you wrote here "I've all but stopped talking to her and her the same to me." You will see many posts on here where the ex will beg, plead, or keep texting when they think they are losing their significant other. In your case and mine, that never happened because they just didn't care about us. She didn't talk to you because she cared. She just talked because she liked the attention. It's taken me a long time to want to believe that I'm better off trying to erase her from my life. It's a struggle though, because I fell hard for this one and sometimes grasp onto fall hopes delusions of reality. It's like I never wanted to accept it. What should I do? I don't necessarily want to just *poof* make her vanish and end all communication even though I know deep down it has to be that way if I ever want to be happy again. thanks in advance for any replies You are very smart. So many times we see things with rose colored glasses and want to keep hoping in spite of all the evidence to the contrary. You can see through all that which is good. In my case I came to the same conclusion you did. The friendship I tried to maintain was one sided. I did all the effort and always felt she didn't care. I finally had enough and did want to make her vanish. I wanted to erase her from my life because I knew she just didn't care about me. I abruptly ended all communication. She made a couple half-assed attempts to communicate within a couple days but I didn't reply. I never heard from her again. Although I knew she didn't care, that just drove the point home 1000%. She is 1000 miles away, dating a guy she has been seeing for three months, and has stopped talking to you. What more proof do you need that she doesn't care? You need to make her vanish from your life. Don't worry about looking rude or bitter. She probably doesn't even think about you anymore. Many people in your situation would still cling to hope. You have a big advantage in that you seem to not be looking at it through rose colored glasses. You know what you have to do.
Author banksy Posted March 12, 2012 Author Posted March 12, 2012 Thank you Frank, you are very wise. Sadly, I wasn't so wise a year ago when it all could have been avoided. That's the 'long and complicated' part and another can of worms that will remain closed. She will contact me again sooner than later...she always does because she knows I'll always be there. But the truth is, I'm not going to be there next time. It's over and I'm moving forward without looking back. Honestly, the reason I came here was for some affirmation that what I believe in my head is what my heart needs to accept. She's gone, get over it.
Recommended Posts