Sentell Posted March 12, 2012 Posted March 12, 2012 So I dated this girl for about 6 months she was in love with me & I loved her but I wasnt sure what I wanted so I broke up with her she took it very hard she said I broke her heart we lost contact for a while but now she text or calls me almost every day & says we should hang out She says we are just friends & Im a player I asked her do she think we will ever be together again she said No Then she said there is a scare on her heart that only I can heal she said she knows this be cause she has been with her new boyfriend for a year doesnt feel half of what she felt for me with him she said she needs closure I said ok you can have closure then she said she doesnt need it again. What does she want??
69ways Posted March 12, 2012 Posted March 12, 2012 So I dated this girl for about 6 months she was in love with me & I loved her but I wasnt sure what I wanted so I broke up with her she took it very hard she said I broke her heart we lost contact for a while but now she text or calls me almost every day & says we should hang out She says we are just friends & Im a player I asked her do she think we will ever be together again she said No Then she said there is a scare on her heart that only I can heal she said she knows this be cause she has been with her new boyfriend for a year doesnt feel half of what she felt for me with him she said she needs closure I said ok you can have closure then she said she doesnt need it again. What does she want?? You really ask a question like this? You broke her heart, she still loves you and you hurt her ego. She likes to be around you at the moment because she has feelings. If you really care for her and you have no plans of getting back together, then I suggest you stay away from her. Dont do to her what most of dumpers do, drag the dumpee by the nose.... That will give her hope and no time for herself to heal
Author Sentell Posted March 12, 2012 Author Posted March 12, 2012 I am still in love with her & I want another chance
rAFC Posted March 12, 2012 Posted March 12, 2012 I am still in love with her & I want another chance Have you ever told her this or tried to get her back?
69ways Posted March 12, 2012 Posted March 12, 2012 Then tell her and dont be a P.... and treat her like that. Tell her you made a mistake and that you do give you two another chance.
Mack05 Posted March 12, 2012 Posted March 12, 2012 (edited) The problem here is communication and trust and lack thereof. I can relate to what you are saying. In my last relationship there were certain behavioural traits that concerned me about my ex and the overall direction of the relationship. Instead of communicating in an effective way with my ex, I would instead push her away. Only for my insecurities and lack of faith in myself would reel her back. This behaviour is detrimental and eventually you push the person away. So far away they end up being extremely bitter and resentful towards you. My last two ex's literally hate me because of this pull push behaviour. I didn't learn a thing which is embarassing, considering I used to give advice on this site about learning lessons from past mistakes. Nothing I can do about that now, but I can change the future. So can you. I'm not saying if my communication was better that the end result would have been any different with my ex(s). BUT at least I would be giving myself a real chance of finding love with a great person. If you can't communicate effectively then there is no chance for success. I don't beat myself up too much. My ex's communication was just as bad as mine. My poor communication was down to not being sensitive/empathatic enough, speaking without thinking and being too insecure within myself. Her lack of communication came down to unresolved anger and an inability/unwillingness to truly turn things inwards. As cincinnati kid said in his latest thread and a quote from getting past your breakup "healthy people don't dance with unhealthy people" and this is so true. I suspect your ex's communication is as bad as yours and unless you both bring something different to the table then it will fail second time round as well (if you guys get back together). Speaking from experience the more at peace you are within yourself, the better you communicate. I have gotten great advice from this site. Two books recommened by Flourescent have been a god send for me..1) Go suck a lemon (about emotional responses under distress) and 2) Love is not enough (cognitive therapy and communication in relationships). I highly suggest you buy and read these books. When trust goes it is so hard to get it back. Like breaking a vase and putting it back together. I think a crucial thing I have learnt, is that you have to have your girl trust you completely. If she doesn't then its pointless even trying again.. You lose that trust if you cheat, or in your case break up/push away. If you break up once, what's stopping you doing it again? Trust is the engine in a car. If the engine is not there the car won't start. I would suggest give each other space (and plenty of it) and focus on those two issues 1) Communication 2) Trust. Also focus on other flaws you have. Use this time apart to better yourself. Get in the best physical shape of your life. Try save some extra money. Be a better friend, family member, maybe volunteer for a worthy cause. All positive ways of improving yourself. Down the line you may reconnect with your ex or most likely you will realise there were reasons why you pushed her away and that its best for both of you to find someone more compatible with your way of thinking and overall views on life... I wish you well Edited March 12, 2012 by Mack05 1
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