gyrkinlens Posted March 12, 2012 Posted March 12, 2012 Hey all, I wasn't sure of where to post this, but this forum seems appropriate enough. I'm sort of at a loss with what to do with myself, and I need some advice, or something. Anything. So, here's the deal. My girlfriend and I broke up in July of last year (a long time ago, I know). We had been together since March of 2008. Our lives were going in different directions, with her returning to school and trying to 'find herself' or whatever, and me finishing up college and trying to get into a Ph.D program. It's more complicated than this, but the idea was that we'd split, do our own thing for a while, and maybe hypothetically get back together at some point down the road. Sounded great in theory, our relationship wasn't in the best shape at that point (wasn't terrible, but it definitely seen better days) and perhaps some separation would be good. So, we went to opposite sides of the state, and, probably predictably, she pulled herself away for good and decided that anything down the road probably wasn't likely. I was left out trying to deal with a father back at home during my 'gap year' who was battling leukemia, thinking that my 'temporary' ex and best friend was just that, had some sort of interest in continuing any type of relationship, but she changed her mind. So, of course, that made me feel like a piece of dung for months. I still do. As time has gone on, it's become increasingly obvious that she wants no piece of me in her life at all, forever, and that any chance of us even speaking to one another as friends isn't going to happen...because she has no interest in my existence, apparently. Here's the problem; we were not only big time high school and college sweethearts, but best friends. I've been in love with her since I was 16, while we didn't date until I was 19. I'm 23 now. Seven years of my life I was either pining after this person, or with them. We were each other's firsts in all sense of the word. First sexual encounters. First loves. For me, she was even my first girlfriend, period. And this was big time, super serious, sustained head-over-heels type love we're talking here. It was generally accepted we were going to get old and die together. We talked about getting married and having kids very unhypothetically. The notion of us even being apart, let alone broken up, was inconceivable. So now that it appears as though things are permanently down the toilet because I apparently wasn't the catch I thought I was, I'm left with the inevitable task of moving onto someone else. Problem. I've only been with my ex. I'm a 23 year old male, and I've only had one girlfriend, one love, one sexual partner. The worst part is that, admittedly, shamefully, I am persistently, possibly incurably, awful at sex. I'm faced with what appears to be an insurmountable issue in which all my peers/competition have been spending their early twenties getting very adept sexually, romantically, etc....and I have not. I don't know what to do because I've only known what it was like to date one person, sleep with one person (poorly). What chance do I have in the dating world when I have no skills accumulated and no self-confidence? Does anybody else have this issue? Did anyone else bank on 'forever' and shoot themselves in the foot by becoming romantically and sexually obsolete in the process? How am I supposed to start a new relationship, when I'm 23, and this is the first time I've had to do so? I have no idea what it's like to date as an adult. My only courtship experience is months of awkward, secretive fumbling as a teenager with the same awkward person, who was just as clueless as me. Now I'm expected to KNOW my way around, and I don't. Please, direct me on what to do if you can, or to resources. I need to become at least moderately decent sexually overnight, as impossible of a task that may be. Is this possible? I just need a way to pick up the tools I missed out on before I can even think about having anything resembling a relationship, physical or otherwise.
stimson554 Posted March 12, 2012 Posted March 12, 2012 i have probably the exact same story as you accept it was a while ago and i was very good sexually, and have had alot of relationships since then. as far as this goes you just have to move on, sadly, i delt with the exact same type of girl, if she says she doesn't want you, you have to take that at face value and just learn to deal with it. as for your sexual and relationship tendancies that all has to do with confidence, there are many ways to build on that, and when i say my story happened a long time ago i mean a long time ago when i was in my teens and as far as performing sexually it has all to do with confidence and willingness.
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