budley12 Posted March 12, 2012 Posted March 12, 2012 My ex and I were together for 3years... we met in freshman dorms and lived together since. At the beginning I cheated because I was not out and wasnt comfortable with my sexuality. I know it doesnt make it right but it happened. My ex got over it though and everything was perfect except he would sometimes bring up the cheating. I was his first relationship and he was my first guy relationship. Towards the end I began to fall in love with him (he had fallen in love a lot earlier than me), but as I was falling in love he was falling out. He started getting closer to another guy and I think that is a big part of why he dumped me. He broke up 4months ago right before winter break. A month into the break up he said he wanted me back and wanted a fresh start... once we got back to school he dropped me completely. It felt as if i got dumped again. I was devastated and still am. lost 30lbs, insomnia, counseling, obsession, losing friends, told my family about the relationship for support and they disowned me. My ex says he still wants to be friends but it was too painful with seeing him with someone else. I wonder about him constantly and whether he is thinking about me, or if he is truly happy with this other guy. Or if he is just looking to date others to see what else is out there and see if the grass is greener on the other side... I still love him, and asking him to not contact me was one of the hardest things ive done. My ex had it all: 3.8gpa in Math/business major, lived outside of NYC in a huge house, amazing family who liked me, awesome friends, very similar interests, we traveled the country multiple times together... Ive thought of suicide a few times, but opted out since it would tear my family apart. I lost most of my friends. Tried rebound relationships which failed since i can only think of him. I just want this pain to go away...
jerbear Posted March 12, 2012 Posted March 12, 2012 Sounds like college love that went away after college. Without knowing your past; more background and college major helps. Also sounds like he is onto something bigger, got out of his skin during Winter Break, and tried a few things. The math/business is what gives it away. There is nothing you can really do. I do suggest contacting a counselor for counseling.
Mr Scorpio Posted March 13, 2012 Posted March 13, 2012 The pain will go away, but it takes time. While the amount varies from person to person, it will go away. I know it doesn't diminish your anguish any, but from the sounds of it you are just now entering your adult life. Therefore, you will likely have plenty of time to heal, to grow, and to replace him. Would you really want the story of your life to be "went to college, fell in love, love went bad, so he gave up forever"? Almost everyone gets their heart torn out at some point! As the wise Richard Pryor once said "men cannot graduate... until their heart gets broken! That is your diploma!"
Author budley12 Posted March 13, 2012 Author Posted March 13, 2012 thanks for your responses. I still have hope that one day we will get back, but until that point I need to focus on me and find myself again, see if there is anything else out there. Its just so hard when i see that he has moved on already and is with someone else.
Author budley12 Posted March 14, 2012 Author Posted March 14, 2012 is it normal to develop clinical depression after losing your love? it has been 3months now and im still having insomnia, and no motivation to do anything. Still dont like to watch movies, video games, forcing myself to get up every morning. im trying to move on but cant, and ive lost all my friends cuz of this relationship. im still in love, and everything i see has something to do with him. I have been NC for 3 weeks now and I have to give it my all to keep with it. he wants to stay friends but i cant do it while he is with someone and not putting any effort to see me. I am obsessing and cant stop thinking about it. I feel like im going crazy/very depressed...
light_vader Posted March 14, 2012 Posted March 14, 2012 I feel like im going crazy/very depressed... When you broke your leg, what do you do? You go to the doctor right? It's sad when we break our "mind", we feel compelled not to reach for professional help. You call yourself crazy, that is just a nasty word to allienate from society. You're just probably recognizing you have mental issues (could be for instance, a schizoid personalty disorder), so reach for the proper help. That would be my advice.
Author budley12 Posted March 14, 2012 Author Posted March 14, 2012 When you broke your leg, what do you do? You go to the doctor right? It's sad when we break our "mind", we feel compelled not to reach for professional help. You call yourself crazy, that is just a nasty word to allienate from society. You're just probably recognizing you have mental issues (could be for instance, a schizoid personalty disorder), so reach for the proper help. That would be my advice. ive went to counseling and him just asking "how does that make you feel" for a month didn't really do much.
Chiyo Posted March 14, 2012 Posted March 14, 2012 I was pretty messed up after my first bf and I broke up. It gradually got better, but was pretty heavily in the fore of my mind for a good 6+ months. Really sucked : ( As for counseling - I would suggest a different therapist. Not every therapist will have the same approach, and just like test driving a car, you may need to try a few before you find one that fits you. My friend did this, and now loves her therapist. Good luck!
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