Ninjainpajamas Posted March 13, 2012 Posted March 13, 2012 yeah we will see. discussions aren't over. you do make some good points. i do not have any idea where this could lead or could have if they were in the same state. but i didn't see anything more then babe calling so the writing on the wall isn't black and white. ::shakes you endlessly for not reading texts - digging further:: If you're going to snoop, at least do it right Lexaton! 1
Author lexaton Posted March 13, 2012 Author Posted March 13, 2012 ::shakes you endlessly for not reading texts - digging further:: If you're going to snoop, at least do it right Lexaton! I looked at the texts the night I saw the babe bullssssss.. thats really all there was.. oo and her saying i miss u and i think i remember him saying it back!! god. f-ed up. i addressed it.. but i let that one go because i tell me guy friends i miss them. not completely justified i know. but yeah thats all there was... and he has told me she knows about me.
FrustratedStandards Posted March 13, 2012 Posted March 13, 2012 I once dated a guy who was very insecure because my ex was a lot better looking than he was, and I had a serious relationship with him. From time to time my ex would text me innocent things like "Hey how are you, long time" and I would respond with equal innocence. It was purely platonic. Well his insecurities got the best of him, and he snooped through my phone. I didn't care cuz I had nothing to hide, but he was outraged that I still kept in touch with my ex. Apparently innocent message like that (he read the entire conversation) are "forbidden", so even though I dumped him shortly after, I would delete all messages between me and my ex because he would make such a big deal for no reason. He read them himself, and there wasn't anything bad in them. Yet somehow he managed to make a big deal about it, and became jealous and crazy to the point where I would delete unresponded messages from him that simply said "hi". This doesn't mean OP's boyfriend is a cheater. For all we know she could be a jealous and delusional girlfriend who can make any situation look like she is the victim. So I am very skeptical.
Ninjainpajamas Posted March 13, 2012 Posted March 13, 2012 I once dated a guy who was very insecure because my ex was a lot better looking than he was, and I had a serious relationship with him. From time to time my ex would text me innocent things like "Hey how are you, long time" and I would respond with equal innocence. It was purely platonic. Well his insecurities got the best of him, and he snooped through my phone. I didn't care cuz I had nothing to hide, but he was outraged that I still kept in touch with my ex. Apparently innocent message like that (he read the entire conversation) are "forbidden", so even though I dumped him shortly after, I would delete all messages between me and my ex because he would make such a big deal for no reason. He read them himself, and there wasn't anything bad in them. Yet somehow he managed to make a big deal about it, and became jealous and crazy to the point where I would delete unresponded messages from him that simply said "hi". This doesn't mean OP's boyfriend is a cheater. For all we know she could be a jealous and delusional girlfriend who can make any situation look like she is the victim. So I am very skeptical. That's the big difference there, she didn't act out in this way because of her issues, she acted out in this way because he gave her a reason to believe he was up to something, which he was. That's a pretty clear case, plus she didn't even blow up about it...in fact she's been too ok with it from my perspective which for him I think is lowering the respect he has for her because IF get away with something like this easily then it just tells the guy he hasn't pushed you to the limit, her response was mild, his reactions have been all the fuss for defensive reasons because he knows what's going on. Had she been a super jealous, insecure girl from the get go and always snooping around and worried about a "better looking ex" all of the time (which is ridiculous anyway) then I'd say she was paranoid. But her response after the fact even more so shows she's a reasonable girl, unfortunately too reasonable because of her emotions for him...which for me has me worried the most because some girls bend too far and then it's just a snowball effect, and this guys already backed off and away instead of been apologetic and sincere, his emotions are extremely questionable for her. 1
Author lexaton Posted March 13, 2012 Author Posted March 13, 2012 I once dated a guy who was very insecure because my ex was a lot better looking than he was, and I had a serious relationship with him. From time to time my ex would text me innocent things like "Hey how are you, long time" and I would respond with equal innocence. It was purely platonic. Well his insecurities got the best of him, and he snooped through my phone. I didn't care cuz I had nothing to hide, but he was outraged that I still kept in touch with my ex. Apparently innocent message like that (he read the entire conversation) are "forbidden", so even though I dumped him shortly after, I would delete all messages between me and my ex because he would make such a big deal for no reason. He read them himself, and there wasn't anything bad in them. Yet somehow he managed to make a big deal about it, and became jealous and crazy to the point where I would delete unresponded messages from him that simply said "hi". This doesn't mean OP's boyfriend is a cheater. For all we know she could be a jealous and delusional girlfriend who can make any situation look like she is the victim. So I am very skeptical. If your boyfriend gets a text from someone uve never heard of asking him how his week was and then seeing them call eachother babe wouldnt u question who she was and their relationship?
BeyondtheClouds Posted March 13, 2012 Posted March 13, 2012 I snooped on my boyfriend. I wanted to confirm how "friendly" his relationship was and whether he was still in contact with her. I told him that he could have me as his girlfriend and no friend or he could have two friends. He chose the former and then allowed me to read his text messages between them as well. since these discussions he has been far more affectionate and forthcoming than before. I don't have to ask him to do the things that he does for me the way it used to be. Would I snoop again? Yes, I would. If a guy would rather have female "friend" --who has a boyfriend of her own, btw-- then I really need to be going.
JesseJames Posted March 13, 2012 Posted March 13, 2012 Way too much speculation here. Yous speculate and then say well we don't know squat. Great. Great job geniuses. Snooping is wrong? Since we were monkeys swimming in the water, snooping has served us quite well. Me thinks there are instances for this and that... situational ethics, yes? Relativism, yes?
FrustratedStandards Posted March 13, 2012 Posted March 13, 2012 If your boyfriend gets a text from someone uve never heard of asking him how his week was and then seeing them call eachother babe wouldnt u question who she was and their relationship? Nope. All my boyfriends have had relationship like this with other girls (not sure about the "babe" part cuz I don't snoop) and i've never had a problem with it.
Jynxx Posted March 13, 2012 Posted March 13, 2012 Snooping is wrong? Since we were monkeys swimming in the water, snooping has served us quite well. Since we were monkeys (do monkeys even swim?) there has been cheating going on in relationships. So according to your logic that's perfectly ok and ethically acceptable too then? Seriously, if you and other posters lack arguments for your side so badly that you need to revert to this type of reasoning, then that says all we need to know about the issue.
Emilia Posted March 13, 2012 Posted March 13, 2012 If your boyfriend gets a text from someone uve never heard of asking him how his week was and then seeing them call eachother babe wouldnt u question who she was and their relationship? No. I would ask but wouldn't 'question' who she was and their relationship.
Diamonds&Rust Posted March 13, 2012 Posted March 13, 2012 Would I snoop again? Yes, I would. If a guy would rather have female "friend" --who has a boyfriend of her own, btw-- then I really need to be going. It just never seems to follow with the pro-snooping folks; if you have such clear boundaries, why would you need to snoop? If you have to snoop, get going like you say you ought to instead.
BeyondtheClouds Posted March 13, 2012 Posted March 13, 2012 It just never seems to follow with the pro-snooping folks; if you have such clear boundaries, why would you need to snoop? If you have to snoop, get going like you say you ought to instead. What clear boundaries would you suggest?
serial muse Posted March 13, 2012 Posted March 13, 2012 What? Why would any grown man try to shift blame on someone with whom he just ended a relationship? Once dumped there's zero incentive to continue lying to her or trying to guilt her into thinking he didn't cheat, unless you wanted to restart the relationship later at some point or something ridiculous. Being mean to her to look innocent when it doesn't matter anymore would be like kicking someone when they're down. And he didn't, he pointed out she crossed a line that she never should've crossed and maybe she can learn from that and remember to not do that again in future relationships. OK, I just had to log in just to reply to this. Re: the bolded - dude, you can't be serious. It is extremely common for people to continue to shift blame onto others after ending a relationship. Take a gander over at the OW/OM board, for example. Cheaters always do that shxt - they STILL don't want anybody to see them as the bad guy. Jynxx, you're smarter than that, come on.
kaylan Posted March 13, 2012 Posted March 13, 2012 (edited) And what exactly is the point of that? And is it really worth invading someones privacy for that? That is bs and you know it, unless you can point out where the line is between things that are important to your life and things that aren't. I'd like to see you try, but until you do and manage to convince me your argument is moot. Oh, right, I forgot, when it comes to close relationships all things outside of that become null and void. Thanks for pointing that out. I'll leave you to it then, I'm sure you have more important things to do than arguing on the internet, probably some honor killings in your family or something. For crying out loud, I showed her why her argument is retarded as it absolves more or less any crime and any scummy behaviour, I didn't defend a rapist or anything. If you didn't see that then I'm wasting my time agruing with you, if you did and chose to ignore it to take a cheap shot at me then it worked, you've annoyed me, congratulations. Figured. Didn't expect much else from people with your mindset. Hey, as long as it's for the greater good all is acceptable, right? What? Why would any grown man try to shift blame on someone with whom he just ended a relationship? Once dumped there's zero incentive to continue lying to her or trying to guilt her into thinking he didn't cheat, unless you wanted to restart the relationship later at some point or something ridiculous. Being mean to her to look innocent when it doesn't matter anymore would be like kicking someone when they're down. And he didn't, he pointed out she crossed a line that she never should've crossed and maybe she can learn from that and remember to not do that again in future relationships. I was actually going to respond to each of your points until you made that bigoted and ignorant comment regarding honor killings. What does honor killings have to do with this conversation? Is it another one of you comparison failures? Oh wait, no I figured it out....your small minded stupidity pushed you to take a jab at my being a former Muslim. (this fact about myself has been discussed in a few other threads on this forum) Well good job at making yourself look idiotic. OK, I just had to log in just to reply to this. Re: the bolded - dude, you can't be serious. It is extremely common for people to continue to shift blame onto others after ending a relationship. Take a gander over at the OW/OM board, for example. Cheaters always do that shxt - they STILL don't want anybody to see them as the bad guy. Jynxx, you're smarter than that, come on. Hes shown us that he really is not smarter than that. Edited March 13, 2012 by kaylan
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