Kansas Posted March 12, 2012 Posted March 12, 2012 (edited) Well, I've had a crush on this guy for 4 years now. To make a long story short, he was my old boss. Nothing ever happened between us while we worked together, but the chemistry was there. We both moved on from the company and would see each other from time to time. About a year after knowing him, he got drunk and blurted out that he loved me. We went on like nothing happened - never talked about it, just went back to being friends and going out for beers from time to time. About 2 years after we initially met we fooled around. Then he had a g-friend, I had a b-friend. We wouldn't see each other for months at a time. Now we are both single. For the past couple of weeks we've hung out on the weekends and texted throughout the week. This past Friday we ended up getting drunk and fooling around again. Only this time I was the idiot and told him that I had a crush on him and basically told him how I have felt about him all this time. The bits and pieces of what I remember him saying are, "I can't promise you anything" and he seems to be on the fence about pursuing anything serious with me ... he gave me a bunch of lame excuses and in the end said - I could see us together, and I could also see us driving each other crazy. We ended up sleeping together and then of course, the next day we woke up and it was weird. I left pretty quick, but he didn't walk me to the door or anything and just said he would text me later ... which he did, which was courteous of him. I think I pretty much blew any chance with this guy. I'm too embarrassed to see him again and think we're just gonna go back to the whole lets pretend this never happened, avoid each other for 6 months and then talk again when we bump into each other again, or a few months from now one of us will text the other and we'll go for beer. On the one hand I feel stupid for telling him how I felt. On the other hand I feel relieved that I told him and found out pretty much instantly that he's on the fence about me and "can't promise me anything", so at least I know where I stand and not to waste any more time on it. Edited March 12, 2012 by Kansas
fencesitter Posted March 12, 2012 Posted March 12, 2012 What a strange world we live in when a text message after sex is considered courteous. Sigh. Anyway, my two cents is to stop getting drunk around this guy. Ask him out on a date, you know, like go to a museum or take cooking lesson. You nor he will ever know if you will be a good fit, or if you will drive each other crazy, until you stop it with the drunken confessions and booty call type behavior. I will say it is not a good sign if you both "fooled around" while you were otherwise committed to other people. That is called cheating, and that is a very poor foundation for a relationship.
Author Kansas Posted March 13, 2012 Author Posted March 13, 2012 Fencesitter, Thank you for the advice. I plan to take it to heart. All of it. I don't know if I have the courage to ask him out on a date just yet - maybe I'll let the dust settle a little bit before I initiate that. Just to clarify, we never fooled around while we were with other people. We actually never stayed in touch if either of us was seeing someone else because even if we didn't sleep together and just hung out, the sexual tension would be there and it wouldn't be fair to who we were with. This is only the second time we have ever fooled around because its only the second time in the 4 year period that we have both been single. All of this tends to happen in the in-between seeing someone else stages in our lives. Thank you again for responding.
fencesitter Posted March 13, 2012 Posted March 13, 2012 I understand. You will know if/when the time is right to approach him for a date and start over. At least you know that you two have good sexual chemistry! If this guy is a good one, he will enjoy your company out of the bedroom as much, or even more. You'll be fine...good luck and let us know how it works out!
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