MrMiller Posted March 12, 2012 Posted March 12, 2012 Well I am dating a stripper, I meet her through a friend and she is a really nice girl. I have been seeing her for about 6 weeks now. I thought to myself that I would be fine with what she does for a living and if I do, I should keep it to myself as its what she did before she meet me and who am I to try to change her. We get along really well and the times we are together are normally good. However if I find myself not very comfortable with the idea she is a stripper or in her words lapdancer, I have never been to a strip club or any place of the type, but I have heard enough stories that the idea is making my spine crawl a little. I dont know if I should talk to her about it or not... I dont want to blow something good and lose what I do have with her, but it sticks in the back of my mind when she is not around. i'm lost... Help!
ascendotum Posted March 12, 2012 Posted March 12, 2012 It comes with the territory if you date someone who works in any aspect of the sex industry. If what she does makes your spine crawl you should not have got involved with her with any intention for a relationship otherwise come to terms with it. I'm sure she is conscious of the fact that many guys out there are going to be a little uneasy at the thought her gyrating in other guys laps while she is their gf. You can bring it up if you want, but what do you want her reaction to be...."Ok honey I'll just quit by job for you now so you'll feel better about me and will be my bf"? Chances are she has an end goal for the stripper $$, and an exit plan, which you could discuss.
ThatDudeXO Posted March 12, 2012 Posted March 12, 2012 You're dating a stripper....stripping is what she does...you either have to accept that or move on. Don't be selfish, it's her choice and she probably enjoys it. If you can't accept what she does for a living then you have to find someone else. It's as simple as that. It's only been 6 weeks, ask yourself this; Can you be in a serious relationship with a stripper and not get crazy jealous? If not then you must end it with her, explain why and leave it at that. It's stupid that in only 6 weeks you think you have control over her life. She must have an amazing body being a stripper though
Author MrMiller Posted March 12, 2012 Author Posted March 12, 2012 I'd never ask her to stop, its her choice. I just wonder if I should talk to her and be honest, or will she think that i'm an idiot.... Simple as that, its something her and I have never discussed...
starla33 Posted March 12, 2012 Posted March 12, 2012 You can't change people. Either accept it or move on!
ThatDudeXO Posted March 12, 2012 Posted March 12, 2012 I'd never ask her to stop, its her choice. I just wonder if I should talk to her and be honest, or will she think that i'm an idiot.... Simple as that, its something her and I have never discussed... I don't think there is anything to talk about. You knew she was a stripper and you proceeded to date her but now it's bothering you? You need to ask yourself: Can you look past it and enjoy the relationship? Is the relationship good enough for you to be able to move past this issue?
Ninjainpajamas Posted March 12, 2012 Posted March 12, 2012 I've haven't been to a great deal of strip clubs in my life but I have been to a handful mostly in my early 20's and I've seen variations of "strip clubs" Some are very clean and off-limits, where the girls dance farther away and they don't really provide lap-dances or some girls do but not all. A few places I had a friend who was in a relationship with the waitress or someone that worked there so we'd go down there and have a beer and shoot some pool, It was a strip-club type bar, because it was just a bar with a topless girl in the corner that you might glance over once in a while to look at. Others were very different, not necessarily "dirty" but you knew there was more going on than just stripping. These were typically the full-nude variety and always did lap-dances (where they make their money) and I can't say many of the guys came back very disappointed with the "service" they got, which I assume was mostly groping. So that's my limited experience, I'm not much of a voyeur myself so I don't have the greatest experience...I went with friends/small group of guys a handful of times when I was young just for the experience/hang out. Other than that though I'm not even sure why men go there to spend loads of cash. I guess you have to go down there yourself to scope out the place, maybe you'll be delighted, maybe you'll be horrified. See IF you can get comfortable with the idea and determine whether you like her enough to put this aside and let her do her thing, because she's making a damn good living off of these guys. Plus I'm sure her "skills" only help your sex life. Otherwise don't badger the girl over it, If she's a nice girl and this is what she chooses to do then she has the right...not really your place to judge/condone her for it....hell at least she's making money off it while the girls that run around at the clubs/bar are doing much worse for free Should also talk to her about it, tell her you really want to be ok and accept what she does for a living, does she have any advice or words of comfort to help you cope with the idea? Maybe she will, maybe she wont, but you should be open and communicate with her if you really want to try. Otherwise just break it off and move on, more fish in the sea.
2sunny Posted March 12, 2012 Posted March 12, 2012 You knew what her work was when you started. It's not right to ask her to stop since you already knew and dated her anyway. If you don't like it - don't date her. There's plenty of women in the world. That would be like her asking you to quit your job because she didn't like your line of work - ummmm, no.
Author MrMiller Posted March 12, 2012 Author Posted March 12, 2012 To be very honest I have spent more than a few hours thinking if I can get past this or not. Years ago I wouldnt of even gone on the first date. But I grew up and understand people have history and and all that I understand its what she does for a living. And as I will say for the third time, im not going to ask he to stop and try and change her in anyway. (so would the next idiot who thinks about typing "you can't change people" or something like that, please go help elsewhere) I have got to this point where I think just being honest and talking to her about it. I'm not going to ask her to stop, just it would be nice to know that she is not the type of stripper you hear people talking about. I have heard enough stories from friends about what they have paid strippers to do. But how the how the hell do you ask that? I guess its me freaking out, I could happliy bury it, and do my best to forget about it... But do I bother talking to her?
Author MrMiller Posted March 12, 2012 Author Posted March 12, 2012 Thanks for the advice Ninjainpajamas. I'm hoping she will be able to give me some advice or comforting word. I think I will ask her, just I hope I dont screw things up.. I see someone else missed the not going to change/ask her to stop...
ascendotum Posted March 12, 2012 Posted March 12, 2012 I have got to this point where I think just being honest and talking to her about it. I'm not going to ask her to stop, just it would be nice to know that she is not the type of stripper you hear people talking about. I have heard enough stories from friends about what they have paid strippers to do. But how the how the hell do you ask that? I guess its me freaking out, I could happliy bury it, and do my best to forget about it... But do I bother talking to her? I don't know what sort of answer you are going to get from her that is going to make you feel more comfortable about what she does. If she's ever done any extras she sure is not going to tell you all about it. You can ask her if she does extra for extra $ if you want, but dont be surprised if she gets offended. As NP outlined, there are different types of stripping venues...go check hers out if you want to know more and try put your mind at ease.. or ...date someone more conventional.
Art_Critic Posted March 12, 2012 Posted March 12, 2012 (edited) I'd be willing to bet that every single guy she has ever dated has had that talk with her... Just saying... you are falling in the trap of being just like every other guy she has ever dated.. don't be that.. You knew who she was and what she did for a living BEFORE you dated her.. it's up to you to live with it or leave it, but to tell her you don't like it after getting to know her is showing disrespect for her. Edited March 12, 2012 by Art_Critic spelling
hotloader Posted March 12, 2012 Posted March 12, 2012 I dont know if I should talk to her about it or not... I dont want to blow something good and lose what I do have with her, but it sticks in the back of my mind when she is not around. i'm lost... Help! Dude, WTF? I'm sure she's obviously very attractive, and it sounds like you really like her....but....ahem. Yeah, it should be sticking in the back of your mind, and you need to give yourself a pat on the back immediately for having the concerns that you've got. I'm gonna tell you something right now: The only reason you're dating a stripper is because, by your own admission, you've never been to a strip club. I went to my fair share immediately after I became a legal adult. It really wasn't my "thing", so I haven't been to one in years....but I remember what it's all about. It's not just some chicks dancing naked. There are other....um, "services" available for a fee in a private "lap dancing" room in most of those places. Use your imagination. Strippers are also well-known for their affinity towards illegal substances. I've know several strippers personally, and all of them were poly-substance abusers. Cocaine seemed to be the staple drug in that scene. I dunno if your gal is into drugs or not, but even if she isn't I guarantee she's exposed to it on a regular basis. Basically, this is just bad news for you all around. I'm sure you really like this girl, and I'm sure you see a lot of potential in her and everything, but dating a stripper is....well, the negative connotations are endless. It's just not a good idea man. I say don't walk, run. 1
Jynxx Posted March 12, 2012 Posted March 12, 2012 While I've never had a relationship with a stripper, I have friends who have and I've had plenty of interactions. Honestly, I don't believe your story, op. Strippers, in my experience, don't go on 'first date's. Also very unlikely you know she's a stripper but apparently haven't had any sort of conversation about it. Anyway, assuming I'm wrong on that, dating a stripper seems to always end up bad. It takes a special kind of girl to be one. Every girl is obviously different, but the average stripper has flexible morals, terrible moneymanagement skills, a huge ego, a constant need for attention and drama and an addictive personality. On the pro side, she's a very sexual being and has a very nice body. Most guys are totally incapable of handling the emotional rollercoaster your relationship will most likely become, and if you are capable of handling it, the question is if it's worth it in the long run.
Sivok Posted March 12, 2012 Posted March 12, 2012 I've had a nightmarish experience dating a stripper. What helped me get over her work was going to see her dance - felt pretty good having her walk out under my arm on the end of the night. However, as a stripper you get to see some of the absolute worst in men. Mine mentioned one guy who was spending his wife's christmas money on lapdances. It does blacken a girl's world when it comes to men - my ex's stripper friends told me the same thing too. In the end, she ended up cheating and developed a drug problem as well. There's a reason sex workers have the reputation they do - regardless of how 'nice' or 'sweet' they appear, it takes a certain type of woman to do that longterm. Just be careful
FitChick Posted March 12, 2012 Posted March 12, 2012 I wonder how the OP would feel if he found out she did lap dances for his friends, co-workers, boss, neighbors, etc. If you want to know what she does in the club, send one of them to find out.
kaylan Posted March 12, 2012 Posted March 12, 2012 Come on now OP. If you arent comfy with her work then bail. Ive heard plenty of bad stories of dudes dating strippers to know its not for me and it doesnt seem to be for you either. And despite her being a "nice girl" it would seem to me that you are only dating her because you have no better options at the moment. Would I be correct? Since you are someone who has never even set foot in a strip club Id make the guess that you are gonna have a hard time dealing with her occupation. Good luck, but personally, I think you should find a better woman who you feel more comfortable about.
Author MrMiller Posted March 12, 2012 Author Posted March 12, 2012 Well life has had other plans, before I have even had to make choice. I got a text saying she wants to spend a bit of time bu herself and she has reasons she cant find the words to begin to explain them to me. Think I just got dumped, oh well, thats a problem I can deal with. However I dont think I will date another stripper, too much stress regardless of how nice .. Thanks for all your help
PFlower Posted March 12, 2012 Posted March 12, 2012 OP, why not go to the strip club and get a lap dance from her, to get some idea what she is doing? Also, no stripper is a "nice girl" you are just naive! Also, you have no other options, so you are also a loser, not for that, but for not walking away from something that makes you uncomfortable. Which makes you a weak ass doormat in my book. her dumping you before you can gain some self respect back, makes you a double loser!
Lobouspo Posted March 12, 2012 Posted March 12, 2012 OP, you should thank this woman for dumping you if that is indeed the case. I dated a stripper a few years ago and it was an absolute nightmare. The idea of dating one seemed cool at the time, but IME, most of these women have major issues and a skewed moral compass. In fact someone actively employed as a stripper is one of my few dealbreakers.
Lauriebell82 Posted March 12, 2012 Posted March 12, 2012 Well life has had other plans, before I have even had to make choice. I got a text saying she wants to spend a bit of time bu herself and she has reasons she cant find the words to begin to explain them to me. Think I just got dumped, oh well, thats a problem I can deal with. However I dont think I will date another stripper, too much stress regardless of how nice .. Thanks for all your help This would probably be a good idea. It doesn't sound like you are comfortable with her stripping, which means that you have different morals. Date those who you are compatible with. Most likely she sent you that text because she might have picked up on your being uncomfortable with her stripping. Even if you didn't directly tell her your feelings, you could have unconsciously been giving her signs.
Forever Learning Posted March 12, 2012 Posted March 12, 2012 Well life has had other plans, before I have even had to make choice. I got a text saying she wants to spend a bit of time bu herself and she has reasons she cant find the words to begin to explain them to me. Think I just got dumped, oh well, thats a problem I can deal with. However I dont think I will date another stripper, too much stress regardless of how nice .. Thanks for all your help At least you got some useful advice on this thread and it was a learning experience for you. Had she not broken up with you I would have suggested your next step be to go to her place of employment and see for yourself where it is she worked. More learning for you. Via a wide array of atypical circumstances in my life I have been inside a number of strip clubs, but never worked in one (I am a female). I have also known many strippers. The remarks on this thread are true, the strippers usually develop drug or alcohol problems, and a dislike (even hatred) of men over the long term. It is not a healthy industry to work in for the long term, in my opinion. Alot of mental sickness, control, manipulation, and abuse abounds in these places for both the workers and the patrons, not to mention the alcoholism, drug and sex addiction. Now I did know one woman who was a stripper for years, she was married to her high school sweeetheart and still is, for 20 plus years now. She stripped for at least a decade and remained married and even raised 2 kids while doing the stripper thing. She stripped to pay the bills, but she hated stripping, every single night, depression would set in for her, as she got ready to go to work at the club. I went in to the club once with her husband, I am the curious type and wondered what it was like in there. I was horrified. I really was. It was full nude. There was a terrible vibe there, mostly of desperation, alcoholism and sex addiction. I remember walking by a table with a nude lady sitting in a chair, she was spread eagle and touching herself, and a gaggle of men at the table all gawking at her vagina. I walked by rather horrified and tried my best to hide the look of horror on my face. Now that is probably pretty funny to some folks reading this. But remember I am a female. Some of you guys in that situation walking by would have probably stopped and pulled up a chair, LOL. But to me it was like hyenas gathered around a baby gazelle. It freaked me out. So anyways, somehow my stripper friend managed to not become a drug addict nor alcoholic, although she did become quite jaded about life in general. She eventually got some specialized education in the medical assisting field and changed professions. She is most definitely the exception to the rule in my opinion, to have worked there so long and not have developed an addiction of some sort. Bottom line, I don't think much of stripping. I don't think it is healthy for a woman, nor do I think strip clubs are healthy, long term for men to patronize. I think it desensitizes people to things sexual in nature, which is a slippery slope downwards to a place one is better off not venturing into. Cheers Loveshack friends! 1
Author MrMiller Posted March 12, 2012 Author Posted March 12, 2012 Well the issue is she wants to go travelling long term and doesnt want to be tied down. Fine with me. It was stories that I heard that put my back up, I liked her as a person and always had a nice time. She had no clue about the ideas in the back of my head, im a very relaxed person, it bothered me that this got to me. I have been through alot in my life and faced a few of my own personal hells. Nothing normally gets to me, just this did. Dating a stripper was new to me, I gave it a go without my pre conceptions getting in the way. I found a girl that I got along with and I enjoyed her company. I have my own skeletons, we all do. I did my best and maybe if I had talked to her, it would of helped, I will never know. And to Pflower, you have no understanding of my mental strength, you dont know me. So how about you go and stick that book of yours where the sun doesnt shine. I made the effort to try not to judge someone, how about I put it in a simple context for you "dont judge a book by its cover"? Go spread your cheap wisdom elsewhere a good friend of mine said "hey strippers need love too..." I came on here looking for a bit of advice, I found some good advice and i'll leave the rest..
stillafool Posted March 12, 2012 Posted March 12, 2012 I'd never ask her to stop, its her choice. I just wonder if I should talk to her and be honest, or will she think that i'm an idiot.... Simple as that, its something her and I have never discussed... Be honest about what? That you are jealous as hell that other men are looking at her but go ahead and keep doing it? She assumes you are okay with it because she told you her occupation before you started dating. At this point you either have to accept what she is doing or move on.
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