TragicAlliance Posted March 12, 2012 Posted March 12, 2012 Wow, it's been a long time since I've been here... lots of things have gone on since last I stopped by. Backstory for anyone who doesn't know (or remember): While playing a MMORPG to pass some time, my path crossed with a cute and charismatic young man. Charmer from the start he was, and from the moment we first spoke, I knew I had stumbled on something that was going to go somewhere. (His first words were, "I like her - I'm going to steal her away someday.") Our friendship quickly took off and never looked back. He was terribly witty, kept up with me intellectually (and even would get one over on me!), and was a total sweetheart. But after a short time, things began trying to take on a deeper meaning. Gentle, sweet flirting began on both sides... but right before it would get too far, one of us would get shy and back off. That and we were both in other relationships at the time. But we began spending increasingly more time together, and the "tension" began mounting. About three years into our friendship, things changed. I'll never forget it - his abrupt blurting out "Will you go out with me?" that caught me completely off-guard. My heart skipped a beat, I began grinning like a giddy schoolgirl... and then after a full 60 seconds remembered I hadn't answered him! I said yes, and our long-distance relationship began on June 13, 2008. -- Together, we have been through a lot. In December of 2008 I had my gastric bypass surgery done... flash forward a few months and I ended up back in the hospital having my gallbladder removed in an emergency surgery. From the moment I was awake after that surgery, I was messaging him. And I messaged him all night, until my phone ran out of charge, and then pleaded with my sister to get my charger so I could continue my conversation with him. But things began turning southward for a while after I had recovered, and we began a turbulent period of bickering and arguing. We became an on-again/off-again couple for quite the time, but yet we always seemed to bounce back. Things became increasingly volatile and at times I was pretty convinced that our future together probably would never be. Yet those nights we'd fall asleep together on Skype always seemed to reassure me that we'd be okay. Simply listening to him breathe gently in his sleep made me happy. Surely there was a light at the end of the tunnel. But the flare-ups and fighting continued, and I started becoming increasingly tempermental. I started trying to push him away, and that only made our fights worse. It was in 2010 that I went to a doctor and was informed that I am bipolar. I was placed on medications and for a while things seemed to settle down. But right when I thought everything was going to mellow out and be okay, my bipolar flared up viciously and I slipped into an addiction. The addiction started off small enough, but eventually led me back to shoving him away so he wouldn't see my spiral. He and my family eventually discovered my addiction, as it had gotten severely out of control, and I ended up doing a 5-day stint in a rehab facility in late 2010. When I returned from rehab, I was convinced that he would abandon me, as I was nothing more than a lying, thieving addict. Instead, he was there to welcome me back, that he had missed me, and he tried his best to mend my destroyed self-image. For a while, we were closer and stronger than ever, and my life began turning itself around. But the fighting came back, and with it came back my dreaded addiction. I relapsed in June of last year, overdosing on medications so badly that I developed an ulcer that sent me to the ER. The doctors informed me that they would have to do surgery immediately, as I was dying right then and there, and informed my family that there was a big chance that I would not survive the procedure, as the ulcer had caused my body to become highly toxic and infected. As I was rushed into emergency surgery, I messaged him "I love you." They had to pry my phone out of my hands, and I became hysterical at the thought that I would never speak to him again. They sedated me, and I fell asleep. The surgery was extensive and left me with a massive incision down the center of my stomach, as well as 24 staples down my midsection. I was hooked up to an oxygen tube, had some sort of tube down my throat, and was quarantined in a private hospital room, as I was extremely sick from my body's toxicity. When my family came to visit me, they brought my laptop and headset because they could not be with me all the time and I have a horrible fear of hospitals. I spent a week quarantined in the hospital, and he was there via Skype for the entire duration. I would not have endured that stay if not for him. After my release from the hospital, I did another stint in an outpatient rehab facility for both emotional and substance abuse issues. I have fully recovered from that near-death experience, but I will never escape the memory, thanks to the permanent scar on my stomach. I was a disaster for a while after the fact, torn up with guilt, depression, anger, and every other feeling under the sun... at myself. But he refused to be deterred, and he bravely stuck it out and took all the drama that came with my troubled moods. Never once did he complain. But things began looking up towards the end of last year... and on December 4, 2011 I met my boyfriend for the very first time, face-to-face. I threw myself into his arms and he held me for the longest time, and we just laughed - the same nervous laughter we shared the night we heard each other's voices for the first time so long ago. It was unreal, a dream come true, and it'll be a day that I never forget. He stayed in the guest room in my parents' house for a week, and we did everything together. We were inseparable. And to make it all the better, my family fell in love with him as well. But the week went by too fast and before I knew it, we were fighting back tears in the airport as we had to say goodbye. I think the hardest thing I've EVER had to do in my entire life was to let go of him and walk away that night. I fell into my stepdad's arms and cried most of the way home. We resumed our online LDR with as much energy as we could muster, but we were both heartbroken at the distance. So much so that he decided he was going to come back to see me again. I informed my parents that he was returning, and they became so excited. The night before his arrival, my mother baked his favorite cake just for him and gushed on about how excited she was that we were going to have an amazing Christmas for a change. December 26 he returned, and we spent that night opening presents. By far the best Christmas of my life... the happiness written on his face and in his eyes was by far the best gift I could ever receive. He stayed with us for 3 weeks. It was during his 3-week visit that he and I took off for 5 days, just the two of us. We went and visited Savannah, Georgia... it was incredible and fun. But his time with me came and went, and I had to see him off again. I was a little stronger this time, but it still stings even now. When I go out to the store or something, I sometimes start talking as if he's there, only to remember that he's back home. That's by far the worst. But our LDR will not be long-distance for too much longer - if our plans work out like we hope, he will move over here permanently in November. He intends on coming back in May for a few weeks, adamant that he wants to be here for my birthday. As of late, he and I are struggling with some tension... unfortunately my bipolar disorder is treating me badly and I cannot afford my medication anymore, and I've been turbulent. But, ever vigilant, my lovable Brit remains loyally at my side. June 13 will mark 4 years that he and I have been together. When I first met him on that game nearly 7 years ago, I knew in my soul that I would have a lifelong friend in him. But it looks like I may have more than that - it looks like I have a lifelong partner in crime. Even when he drives me completely and utterly insane, I love him. And God knows he must love me, to put up with some of the nonsense I dish out - I know in my heart that I am truly blessed to have such a loving, caring man in my life. We have our highs - and God knows we have our lows - but no matter what, we'll always have each other. So there you have it, for those of you who stuck it out and got through my novel of a post... an update on how things have been since last I was here. My posts in the past were definitely negative and troubled, but I guess you could say I'm trying my best to be a little more optimistic. LDRs are chaotic and can sometimes feel impossible... but if you're really meant to be, you'll make it through. And now, together, my boyfriend and I are getting closer to that light at the end of this long and rocky tunnel. And with that light will come the beginning of the rest of our lives. Together. And I can't wait. =)
Forever Learning Posted March 13, 2012 Posted March 13, 2012 Wow, some story. Keep us posted and good luck!
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