Blackened Posted March 11, 2012 Posted March 11, 2012 Its not as bad as the title makes it sound... When I was in high school I dated a wonderful boy. I was a freshman, he was a senior. We went to two different schools but lived in the same city. He was awesome... treated me great. It was my first puppy love kind of relationship. Then it ended when my parents decided we weren't allowed to see each other anymore. They didn't approve of the age gap. Yes, a 4 year gap is nothing for adults, but for teenagers its massive I suppose. So now here I am some years later, dating him again. And its awesome. He treats me like a queen. He makes me laugh, we have great sex, etc. Now the problem... we recently found out we are distant cousins. Not sure how distant... thrid or fourth. At first we were both upset and we mutually ended the relationship. But then after letting it digest, he called me and told me he didn't want to. He said this relationship is the first thing in years that has made him happy and he doesn't want to give it up. I felt the same way... so we are still dating. We didn't grow up together or even know we were related until a week or so ago. Today his sister found out and told him how disgusted she was, etc. How wrong is this? I just want some opinions.
tigressA Posted March 11, 2012 Posted March 11, 2012 Not wrong at all. You're happy together, and 3rd/4th cousins is pretty much nothing. Keep on keepin' on.
TaraMaiden Posted March 11, 2012 Posted March 11, 2012 There's nothing wrong with it. you would not be classified as 'closely related'. incest - definition of incest by the Free Online Dictionary, Thesaurus and Encyclopedia. and you're right. the title is grossly misleading.
FrustratedStandards Posted March 11, 2012 Posted March 11, 2012 It's wrong on many social levels, but more so its dangerous because of the biological implications. Relatives are not supposed to mate with each other. Nature told us that when any offspring of related parents came out with serious genetic problems, illnesses or deformations.
kaylan Posted March 11, 2012 Posted March 11, 2012 4 years can be a lot for teenagers. Just how old are you two? Now about the distant cousins thing...um...I dunno what to say. Ive known people who have kissed cousins when they were younger, but I kinda understood since these were cousins they barely ever saw and did not grow up with. So to them it was just another random attractive person. Since you guys are more distant than a first or second cousin...Id say its fine...because you dont run much risk of having issues with children if you stay together that long and get married one day. Plus this is quite common depending on your culture. In Western nations it might be a little frowned upon, but I totally understand your situation. Id be more concerned about the age gap though, depending on your age, rather than the distant cousin issue.
gaius Posted March 11, 2012 Posted March 11, 2012 Most people are distantly related to each other, there is nothing wrong with it. It's just one of those uncomfortable facts nobody really likes talking about. As long as you're not first cousins you should be ok. Bush vs. Kerry? They're Distant Cousins
sid3 Posted March 11, 2012 Posted March 11, 2012 How wrong is it? Well that depends on what part of the country you're from. It's totally exceptable if you live in West Virginia, Kentucky or Tennessee, southern Ohio would probably make the list too. There its called kissin cousins. Incest is something they burn.
FrustratedStandards Posted March 11, 2012 Posted March 11, 2012 Since you guys are more distant than a first or second cousin...Id say its fine...because you dont run much risk of having issues with children if you stay together that long and get married one day. Wrong. A girlfriend of mine once dated a guy whose step brother was conceived with his mothers distant cousin. The boy has a serious genetic illness that eats away and deteriorates his muscles, and he is now confined to a wheelchair because his muscles cannot sustain his own body mass. I forget the name of the disease, but it's genetic and only occurs when two similar bloodlines conceive.
Ross MwcFan Posted March 11, 2012 Posted March 11, 2012 Doesn't sound like a big deal to me. I thought you were going to say that it was your brother or something. Now that would be a big deal. 1
threebyfate Posted March 11, 2012 Posted March 11, 2012 Third or fourth cousins? Pffttt...don't listen to his sister. Genetically, no big deal and legally, it's fine. There's greater ick factor in unrelated step-siblings than 3rd or 4th cousins.
kaylan Posted March 11, 2012 Posted March 11, 2012 Wrong. A girlfriend of mine once dated a guy whose step brother was conceived with his mothers distant cousin. The boy has a serious genetic illness that eats away and deteriorates his muscles, and he is now confined to a wheelchair because his muscles cannot sustain his own body mass. I forget the name of the disease, but it's genetic and only occurs when two similar bloodlines conceive. Links please. Anything Ive seen says First cousins run a higher risk of genetic defect in children...though this is debated. Third and Fourth cousins dont run such a risk.
FrustratedStandards Posted March 11, 2012 Posted March 11, 2012 There's greater ick factor in unrelated step-siblings than 3rd or 4th cousins. Genetically this is safe and perfectly do-able. The "ick" factor is a social construct.
FrustratedStandards Posted March 11, 2012 Posted March 11, 2012 Links please. Anything Ive seen says First cousins run a higher risk of genetic defect in children...though this is debated. Third and Fourth cousins dont run such a risk. You are stupid. Did you read my post? I said my girlfriend knew this person. How do you want a link to this? Moron.
kaylan Posted March 11, 2012 Posted March 11, 2012 Third or fourth cousins? Pffttt...don't listen to his sister. Genetically, no big deal and legally, it's fine. There's greater ick factor in unrelated step-siblings than 3rd or 4th cousins. This.
threebyfate Posted March 11, 2012 Posted March 11, 2012 Genetically this is safe and perfectly do-able. The "ick" factor is a social construct.Really? How shocking! Thought you could attain familial DNA through osmosis.
FrustratedStandards Posted March 11, 2012 Posted March 11, 2012 I just wouldn't risk it. Yes, the risk is lower but it's still possible. And to me that enough to say no.
kaylan Posted March 11, 2012 Posted March 11, 2012 You are stupid. Did you read my post? I said my girlfriend knew this person. How do you want a link to this? Moron. You told me what I said was wrong...about there being no risks with distant cousins. Then you cited your friends situations. I then asked for sources to back up your argument that I was wrong. What happened with your gfs friend could easily be attributed to something besides the cousin issue, especially since most data says there no genetic risk with distant cousins. Do you follow now? Or are you gonna throw another insult? Me thinks you need to take your chill pills for the day. I just wouldn't risk it. Yes, the risk is lower but it's still possible. And to me that enough to say no. Genetic defects are possible with ANY couple. Theres not a big statistical risk with distant cousins. End of story.
Badsingularity Posted March 11, 2012 Posted March 11, 2012 You are stupid. Did you read my post? I said my girlfriend knew this person. How do you want a link to this? Moron. You call other peoples posts childish yet yours are not the most mature I've ever seen.
Author Blackened Posted March 11, 2012 Author Posted March 11, 2012 It's wrong on many social levels, but more so its dangerous because of the biological implications. Relatives are not supposed to mate with each other. Nature told us that when any offspring of related parents came out with serious genetic problems, illnesses or deformations. For the record, I don't want kids. And he's sterile. No babies for either of us.
kaylan Posted March 11, 2012 Posted March 11, 2012 Still wondering about your ages. Just so we can figure out why your parents flipped out on that and not the cousin thing.
Diamonds&Rust Posted March 11, 2012 Posted March 11, 2012 It's totally not a problem. You're barely related. Laugh about it. 1
threebyfate Posted March 11, 2012 Posted March 11, 2012 I just wouldn't risk it. Yes, the risk is lower but it's still possible. And to me that enough to say no. When Incest Is Best: Kissing Cousins Have More Kin: Scientific American When Incest Is Best: Kissing Cousins Have More Kin Study analyzing more than 200 years of data finds that couples consisting of third cousins have the highest reproductive success
OpenBook Posted March 11, 2012 Posted March 11, 2012 Wikipedia has a good writeup of what is considered "incest" by country. In the US (all states) it's immediate blood family - parents, grandparents, aunts/uncles and nieces/nephews, with many states also including non-blood relatives such as step-parents & siblings. A handful of states also include first cousins in the definition. NO states consider 2nd cousins or beyond as incest.
RedRobin Posted March 11, 2012 Posted March 11, 2012 For the record, I don't want kids. And he's sterile. No babies for either of us. Sounds like you are good to go then. Even if you did want kids, there is genetic testing that rules out the worst ones. I wouldn't worry about it (the 3rd or 4th cousin thing). What is that anyway... Your grandmother's brother's daughter's son or something like that?
Author Blackened Posted March 11, 2012 Author Posted March 11, 2012 4 years can be a lot for teenagers. Just how old are you two? Now about the distant cousins thing...um...I dunno what to say. Ive known people who have kissed cousins when they were younger, but I kinda understood since these were cousins they barely ever saw and did not grow up with. So to them it was just another random attractive person. Since you guys are more distant than a first or second cousin...Id say its fine...because you dont run much risk of having issues with children if you stay together that long and get married one day. Plus this is quite common depending on your culture. In Western nations it might be a little frowned upon, but I totally understand your situation. Id be more concerned about the age gap though, depending on your age, rather than the distant cousin issue. We are in our thirties now... we didn't know each other or grow up together.
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