Patrice Posted March 11, 2012 Posted March 11, 2012 I've been involved with a man on and off for over two years. He has a son who is 10. He has his son every other weekend. My kids are grown and out of the house. When we're together, he says he loves me is very affectionate. Calls me almost every day, texts and chats on Facebook. The poof, I'll go a day or two without hearing from him. I'm thinking, he's busy, works hard needs to attend to his parenting responsibilities. But, on the other hand I haven't met the son yet, although he has asked me to stop by etc. I'd like the relationship to grow deeper, but I get the sneaky suspicion he just can't handle a full-time girlfriend, a job and his son ... I've also gotten to the point where if he isn't contacting me, I'll text and he generally replies .. then I just go quiet. I'm not sure how to handle this . we've talked about it, he says he doesn't want to be with anyone else and neither do I. Why do men do this?
FitChick Posted March 11, 2012 Posted March 11, 2012 It's odd that you haven't met the kid after two years. If he only has him every other weekend, that's not exactly a burden. Perhaps he feels guilty for breaking up the family home and the son doesn't want him dating anybody, hoping his parents would get back together.
anne1707 Posted March 11, 2012 Posted March 11, 2012 I've been involved with a man on and off for over two years. He has a son who is 10. He has his son every other weekend. My kids are grown and out of the house. When we're together, he says he loves me is very affectionate. Calls me almost every day, texts and chats on Facebook. The poof, I'll go a day or two without hearing from him. I'm thinking, he's busy, works hard needs to attend to his parenting responsibilities. But, on the other hand I haven't met the son yet, although he has asked me to stop by etc. I'd like the relationship to grow deeper, but I get the sneaky suspicion he just can't handle a full-time girlfriend, a job and his son ... I've also gotten to the point where if he isn't contacting me, I'll text and he generally replies .. then I just go quiet. I'm not sure how to handle this . we've talked about it, he says he doesn't want to be with anyone else and neither do I. Why do men do this? It sounds like you are both a bit uncertain (and going quiet on each other) in how to take this forward and the fact that you (plural) have left it this long before meeting his son is probably making it feel like a much bigger hurdle to cross. However it does also sound as if you both want the relationship to progress - you certainly do based on your post and he has asked you to "stop by". I think you two need to come up with some concrete plans for you to meet his son. Not something casual like the "stop by" but plan a day out together where you can start getting to know each other.
FitChick Posted March 11, 2012 Posted March 11, 2012 I think you two need to come up with some concrete plans for you to meet his son. Not something casual like the "stop by" but plan a day out together where you can start getting to know each other. Pick something the son would enjoy doing so he associates good times with you.
Author Patrice Posted March 11, 2012 Author Posted March 11, 2012 Will do .. he has his son this weekend ..I know he misses me .. but the quiet? Not sure what that means .. he skyped me with his son there a few weeks ago. Maybe baggage from another relationship .. not wanting to bring the son and get invested in something. We shall see ...
Ninjainpajamas Posted March 11, 2012 Posted March 11, 2012 Well the fact that it's on and off tells me that this guy doesn't really know what he wants, and likely has just been stringing you along with hot and cold, push and pull type of a relationship (this is just a guess) To me as a man at least, this means that you don't want this woman fully engaged in your life, you want your personal life separate from your romantic/pleasure life. If he really wanted to get serious with you he after this amount of time would have wanted you to be a bigger part of your life, he wouldn't be keeping you detached from it. So I don't think there is a long-term possibility based off that information and just the way he seems to be handling things from his end. I think he will tell you that he's not ready for something serious and give excuses about his kids/personal life or what not of why he can't have you be a bigger apart of it or make it more "complicated" or "complex"...but when you really feel someone has long-term potential then you are willing to take that chance because you feel more confident then they at least could be apart of your life long-term than not. I know this is not what you asked, but that is the big red flag for me from a mans perspective If you are looking for something long-term and committed, If you're ok with how things are now then that's fine. As far as two days without contacting you that is not atypical to me, some people don't need that consistent contact, I personally am that way and that likely won't changed until I'm married or in a pretty serious relationship at least. The reason he does this is because he enjoys you in your life, he likes your companionship and who you are as a person but romantically It's not compelling to give him that umph about being concrete about the future. You can look at it as he can't make your relationship the priority of his life right now, and I'm sure to a degree that holds a lot of truth. And maybe he has a lot to do and that he wants to fix before he is ready for a relationship. But sadly...and I'm going to tell you something very hurtful, the reason he is with you is very likely because you are that "right now" girl, not "everything I want when my life is perfect, girl"...tell him that and see if there isn't a pause or deep sigh on his end. You fit into his life right now, you tolerate and have adapted. Someone else may want or push for more, but honestly that person needs to be you right now or you should move on. Don't let him ride you off with any typical excuse we all know isn't good enough, or the real truth.
Author Patrice Posted March 12, 2012 Author Posted March 12, 2012 Thanks for your honesty ... if it's not meant to be, then there it is. I'm not going to chase the guy down. I don't know if the guy will ever be ready .. his ex-wife cheated on him, when their son was an infant. Maybe too much baggage on his end, I don't know. Will just do my thing and let it unfold the way it's supposed to. I know you cannot change people who don't want to change. He has met my sons .. and they like him and he they .. he did tell me that a former girlfriend after his divorce met the son. Maybe that was difficult for him after they split up. I just know, I can't carry the water for every relationship in his life, that has hurt him. I'm a pretty independent and secure woman .. he knows where I am and how to reach me. And yes, you're correct - this just isn't enough for me.
Recommended Posts