I think my husband is lying to his parents so that he doesn't have to move in

[loveandlove]

I don't know what the heck his issue is, I just thought i'd use this site to see what others think because I am having a hard time coping with the thought of leaving.

We have been together many years, in our late 20's, newlyweds and living together for the first time.

 

He has done everything in his power to not have to, basically, act like he is a husband or be like a husband to me. He is always at his parent's house and I do mean always: every. single. day. Goes there in the mornings before work AND after.

And his older married sister (30) is the same way, always there. When we were buying our house he practically demanded we live in the same town as them and it was like he was giving me no other option. Well we ended up buying in the town I am from, which is only 10 mile drive from his parent's (23-ish minutes)

 

What ended up happening, very long story short, is that he has been lying and just NOT moving in, nothing of his is here except for some clothes he fit into a trash bag and we are borrowing a couch from his parents.

We went food shopping initially and he bought all these things... didn't finish most of it... and didn't go food shopping for about a month and a half/two months later; not until he and I went together and he threw some things in the basket. And he was MAD at me for suggesting he buy some food since he has nothing here!

 

With all these fights and catching him in lies he has left me a total of 3 times. First time was due to me catching him in a lie (about him not be able to bring something of his that he really could), second time was over the phone while at work we were arguing about him not moving his things in and he didn't come home, and most recently when he was again giving me a little sliver of hope and then in a week's time saying no he's not moving things in yet, and getting angry at me and calling me names I flipped out and he left. He has been gone for 10 days now.

 

I don't understand why his parent's have not stepped in, you know? I mean, he should be able to do this on his own! I am not close to his family at all, I have tried with them. His dad is alright.

We have been together since high school and I think the mother and sister always been a huge pain because they are very manipulative and controlling of him. This is such a long story short.

 

He tells me that they tell him to just leave me if he's not happy. He tries to say that he does not want to be here due to my reaction of what he is doing, but he does not tell anyone exactly what's going on. How can he not move in because I complain about him not moving in when him not moving in came first? Why is it even a question?

I even tried not asking him, just not bringing it up. Didn't do anything.

 

A big issue is I think it is time for me to go but I feel like nobody knows what is really going on- that he won't move in and I think anyone would be upset. I think everyone must see me as the problem but I don't know this. I just see him "getting away" with doing this.

 

I have called his parent's house when he has been there and as always nobody answers. Then he calls me on his cell, pissy, asking me "why did you call my house?"

I remember asking him when he would bring x,y,z in front of his dad and he got all angry with me and said do not put him on the spot.

 

I think he is lying about what's going on and I am too nervous to go to his parent's house because at this point I worry they would just hate me for whatever he could be telling them! I think the worst he could be saying is that I just drive him so crazy but I can guess he doesn't say about what.

 

We just got this house and they've only been here once, which was 2.5 months ago. I mean honestly something is up and I am just not sure how to go about it. I know he is really at his parent's. I just am so damn nervous to confront the issue with them and also wonder if it would matter. Perhaps they know. Perhaps they don't. I could handle the phone, but they never answer. I could handle them in person in our house but not theirs.

 

Sorry this is so long, just wanted to post something of my issue to just see what more people have to say. I cut this short but I hope it is clear.

Edited March 11, 2012 by loveandlove

[Mme. Chaucer]

Why did you choose to marry a child? If this post is for real, he's been like this the whole time you have known him.

[loveandlove]

We have not lived together before marriage so I had no idea he was going to be like this. He has always been what seems like a mama's boy but did not see this nonsense coming, this is extreme.

 

 

Does anyone out there know what I should do? Anyone have experience with going to your spouse's parents? I have heard parents will lie for their kids but I just don't know what to do. The whole thing is weird.

[JesseJames]

hmmmmm

 

Beats the snot out of me. I wager he's involved in some evil family conspiracy against you. They are really aliens, and now that you've ruffled their feathers, they may be ready to eat you.

[PlumPrincess]

Why did you marry him???? Even if he wasn't that bad before, it must have been bad enough to re-consider marriage with a guy like that.

 

A friend of mine introduced me to a friend of her boyfriend a couple of weeks ago. She told me that he was still living with his mom, but that he was also really nice and that I should meet him since he was also single. She also told me that his mom was pretty dominant. She invited us and some other friends over, but after the introduction I basically ignored him for the rest of the evening and spent time with my friend and her friend. I've seldom felt that incompatible with a guy.

[The Blue Knight]

You married a child and he has a highly dysfunctional family that enables him to behave that way. Point him to the Bible where it says a man shall leave his father and mother and cleave to his wife.

[xxoo]

How long have you been married?

 

I would look into the state laws, and see if annulment is an option for you.

[TigerCub]

Are you sure that he really is going to the family and not actually going to see some other woman and using the family as a front?

 

Either way, don't waste time begging and fighting for this douche to live in your house. If I were you, I'd cut all that out, and enjoy MY house, and start filing divorce papers to boot....but that's just me...

[shayla]

He is a child and kids need to be with their mommies.

 

Marriage is for grown ups, and it is a shame that you didn't recognize this child in a mans body before you married him.