othersideofthepillow Posted March 11, 2012 Posted March 11, 2012 (edited) i havent posted here for a long time but sorry for this being a bit long but if you read it all thank you... when my ex and i split mid summer, she said she wanted to be single and after 3 months she was dating a new guy. complete opposite of me and everyone tells me its her rebound but that doesnt matter to me. so i havent heard from my ex since before christmas (at that time told me how bad she messed up and that i was perfect, we were perfect and that she wants to be together again but isnt ready right now) & we havent seen each other since the beginning of the fall. recently my mother passed away suddenly. she called me and wished me her condolences. her reason for not coming in person was due to her own family issues. i understand that. i didnt answer her calls/text and she text me stating that she was feeling horrible and for me to please contact her back. i replied the next but only saying thank you for your condolences and that i was praying for her and her family wishing the best. she said thanks and than said that she would like to get coffee as friends sometime but will give me space. i didnt respond. that night she text me again saying how she cant stop thinking of me and my family and how she just wants to be there for me. no matter what, to talk, to vent, or anything she just wants me to know she is there for me. at this point i still hadnt contacted her after i wished her and her family well. she than contacted me saying that she was so sorry for all the things she put me through (why bring that up at all?) & that she was immature (during our relationship) and hoped i was doing well and wished me a good day. i didnt respond to that either. she than text me a few days later saying that she wont bother me anymore, hopes the best for me that it will all be better in time and sorry if she was being a nuisance. at this point i responded thanking her for keeping me & my family in her prayers and that i was still keeping her and her family in my prayers. at this point we had a convo via text for about 2 hours. talking about how she is glad to hear from me, impressed how strong ive been with the passing of my mother, how she was immature when we were together (she was always the one to bring up her maturity level) and that i can contact her whenever and she will always answer. i got a message again from her stating that she doesnt want to play games or hurt me and she just wants to be there for me as a friend, that she is sorry she has been contacting me so much and its just cause she wants to help. she still has a bf (a guy who she works with & told me originally didnt treat her well). i havent contacted her or answered her phone calls because of this. sadly i do still have feelings for her even though it has been months since we ended. being that she still has a bf and reminds me that she is contacting me just as a friend and that she wants to be there for me/help lets me know that she has no romantic feelings for me anymore and that im only a friend. people say that sometimes tragedy shocks people back to things they truely care for. we havnet been in contact for about 4 months. her contact know makes me upset cause chances are i wouldnt have heard from her again if my mother was still here. i guess this is really just a post of my thoughts at the moment cause being that she is still with another man and keeps telling me her contact is only as a friend lets me know shes not trying to get back together. people have asked me what i would do if she wanted to get back together but i dont think about it cause its not even a option right now. people i tell this situation too are always baffled about what to tell me but i think now that she has told me "as friends" that thats what she shes me as now and never anything more. is this a fair assumption or is this her way of trying to get me back in her life slowly as a "Friend" because she wants something more and doesnt want to scare me off the bat? Edited March 11, 2012 by othersideofthepillow
Mary-Jane Posted March 12, 2012 Posted March 12, 2012 Sorry about your situation. She probably does want to be in your life again, but until there is another man in the picture it's no use, so please don't try to look for hidden motives, maybe they are there, maybe not. Maybe she really wants to be just friends, or maybe she doesn't know what she wants, so if you want to have her as a friend, take things at face value for now.
leoc1973 Posted March 12, 2012 Posted March 12, 2012 You could tell her the truth. I mean at this point if you are going to ignore her anyways it can't hurt. Tell her that maybe some day way down the road you can be friends with her but right now you are still healing from the breakup. Maybe if she knows that you still have some feelings then she might open up a little if she is having regrets. She might be looking for a reason to get ahold of you. It does seem like she pushed pretty hard. My ex of 6 years's mother just died and all I did was tell her I was sorry and ask if she needed anything. I didn't keep messaging. And I am sorry for your loss man it is a lot to go through and then have a woman you probably still are in love with drumming up old feelings sucks on top of it! Stay strong I remember your posts from before and if I remember correctly we were going through the same kind of breakup and you sound like a good guy.
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