vtgirl Posted March 11, 2012 Posted March 11, 2012 (edited) So I'm a dog trainer, and there's this new client at work who drops off his dog at work 3 times a week. Here's a little background on this guy..he's 8 years older than me(which I think is fine). He got out of a 10 yr relationship (not marriage) with his ex-gf about 6 months ago. They still talk once a week, and she does his finances for his business 2 times a month. He said he misses her at times, but will never get back together with her. The whole first date, he talked about her. He said he does eventually want to find the right girl, settle down and get married. We went out on a first date to dinner, everything went great. He said he had a good time, but he talked about his es quite a bit. The second date, he invited me to his house, he made dinner. It again, was nice. I said I liked him, and eventually was looking for a relationship with someone. He agreed, and said he really likes me so far. The third date which was last night, he took me to a restaurant 1.5 hrs away. We had a great time at dinner, laughing, talking, holding hands, etc. On the way home, it was good, didn't talk too much, then he said something about his ex. I said, "Wow, you seem to talk about her a lot, it kind of ruins the mood". I wasn't trying to say it in a COMPLETELY negative tone of voice, but I think he took it that way. He got a little defensive after that, shrugged his shoulders, and said "sorry, don't know what to tell you". The rest of the ride was silence, and he dropped me off home, and all he said was "bye, have fun", when usually he gives be a kiss. We have been texting the past few weeks, and after the 2nd date, he said he really likes me so far, all of my qualities, and would like to see where it could go, and would love to hang out with me more. He seemed really interested. Now, I'm not sure if I ruined it by bringing up that he talks about his ex a lot. He hasn't texted me all day, and he usually does. I don't want this to be ruined, I really like the guy so far! and would like to continue to go on a dates with him to see if it could turn into a relationship. So guys, do I just forget about him, and think that I ruined it? Or do I text him? He said he doesn't like to be pushed about things. It will be kind of awkward at work, because I don't know where we stand. Edited March 11, 2012 by vtgirl
Emilia Posted March 11, 2012 Posted March 11, 2012 You didn't ruin it. Maybe he is moody or maybe he is not over his ex. Anyone that deflates after a comment like yours doesn't sound that much fun to me.
eleanorhurting Posted March 11, 2012 Posted March 11, 2012 Hey. I don't think he is over his ex-girlfriend. I would not feel comfortable with that at all. And why do they still talk once a week? No one should be talking to their ex unless they broke up a really really long time ago.
Author vtgirl Posted March 11, 2012 Author Posted March 11, 2012 I think they still talk once a week, because they still do care for eachother. I've never dated someone who just got out of a 10 yr relationship, so I don't know if it's ok or not.
Author vtgirl Posted March 11, 2012 Author Posted March 11, 2012 He left on such a short note, just a quick bye, and I haven't talked to him today. I just want to know if he would still like to go out, or just be friends. But I feel if I ask him that he will just get mad..
eleanorhurting Posted March 11, 2012 Posted March 11, 2012 I think they still talk once a week, because they still do care for eachother. I've never dated someone who just got out of a 10 yr relationship, so I don't know if it's ok or not. every person who i have dated who "still cares but would never get back with their ex" and they broke up within 1 year of us started dating ALWAYS ends up going back to her as soon as the honeymoon period wears off with us.
Author vtgirl Posted March 11, 2012 Author Posted March 11, 2012 Hm..I see what your saying. I like that this guy is a bit older that me, he seems trustworthy right now. He said she's a great person, but will never get back with her because they have different priorities in life. So, what do I do now? If he wants to go on another date, he will ask, or do I ask him if he wants to go out again?
JesseJames Posted March 11, 2012 Posted March 11, 2012 Wow. This guy must have a really nice smile or a ton of money or something. I can't get a second date no matter how good it goes. Are you really ugly? I just can't figure this. You use a place of business with dogs to meet dudes? You think talking about exes on dates is normal? Does he look like you? Does he look like papa? Does any of this confuse the hell out of me? Why are you on about this chap? Do you play chess, drums, or pool? How do people like dogs? How do people like dudes? Meh whatever
eleanorhurting Posted March 11, 2012 Posted March 11, 2012 The way I see it, if he was interested in dating you, then he should make you a priority. You expressed that you felt uncomfortable with him talking about his ex all the time. I think that is perfectly understandable. What did he do? He refused to acknowledge that your feelings were valid and he just left? I don't think you should do anything Don't let yourself be blinded by the fact that he is older that does not necessarily mean anything. Actually, it could be worse. I have met older men who tried to pull tricks on me because they saw me as young and naive. Just be careful. I would not do anything if I were you and let him realize he overreacted and have him make an effort and show you that he cares enough.
Author vtgirl Posted March 11, 2012 Author Posted March 11, 2012 jessee James, your post makes no sense whatsoever. It's not my problem that you can't get a second date. I am not ugly. Who said I use a place of business to meet guys? I said he asked me out, and it just so happened to be a work. There is no problem with that. You are a strange one, JesseJames Wow. This guy must have a really nice smile or a ton of money or something. I can't get a second date no matter how good it goes. Are you really ugly? I just can't figure this. You use a place of business with dogs to meet dudes? You think talking about exes on dates is normal? Does he look like you? Does he look like papa? Does any of this confuse the hell out of me? Why are you on about this chap? Do you play chess, drums, or pool? How do people like dogs? How do people like dudes? Meh whatever
Author vtgirl Posted March 11, 2012 Author Posted March 11, 2012 Do you think I completely messed up my chances, because he felt like by me saying that was a buzzkill to him? The way I see it, if he was interested in dating you, then he should make you a priority. You expressed that you felt uncomfortable with him talking about his ex all the time. I think that is perfectly understandable. What did he do? He refused to acknowledge that your feelings were valid and he just left? I don't think you should do anything Don't let yourself be blinded by the fact that he is older that does not necessarily mean anything. Actually, it could be worse. I have met older men who tried to pull tricks on me because they saw me as young and naive. Just be careful. I would not do anything if I were you and let him realize he overreacted and have him make an effort and show you that he cares enough.
eleanorhurting Posted March 11, 2012 Posted March 11, 2012 Do you think I completely messed up my chances, because he felt like by me saying that was a buzzkill to him? if you ruined your chance by saying that then that was not a chance you wanted to take in the first place.
Author vtgirl Posted March 11, 2012 Author Posted March 11, 2012 I'd appreciate any other insight on this situation! thanks!
JesseJames Posted March 11, 2012 Posted March 11, 2012 jessee James, your post makes no sense whatsoever. It's not my problem that you can't get a second date. I am not ugly. Who said I use a place of business to meet guys? I said he asked me out, and it just so happened to be a work. There is no problem with that. You are a strange one, JesseJames You never said he asked you out. Who said what's your problem? I'm trying to understand this, and with levity, because this is rather comical and strange to me. The dude can't train his own pet, he goes to places of business looking for dates like a real man, he gets pissed when you express your feelings, he's a decade ahead of you in age, and you act as if it's a make-or-break situation. It's a 3rd date. First impressions were already made. One doesn't break all ties after a little dating, does one? If you like this, then go for it and pursue the beast. Or wait and call him in a few months. Or don't do anything. See what we care?!?
Author vtgirl Posted March 11, 2012 Author Posted March 11, 2012 Yes, he did ask me out of the first date, second, and third. It's fine that you think this is comical. Since you think that, don't respond. All I was asking is what I should do, text him or wait? I wanted a guys insight, that's all. SO Jesse James, since you think this is comical, did I ruin my chances of going on another date, or is he just not interested anymore because of my comment? You never said he asked you out. Who said what's your problem? I'm trying to understand this, and with levity, because this is rather comical and strange to me. The dude can't train his own pet, he goes to places of business looking for dates like a real man, he gets pissed when you express your feelings, he's a decade ahead of you in age, and you act as if it's a make-or-break situation. It's a 3rd date. First impressions were already made. One doesn't break all ties after a little dating, does one? If you like this, then go for it and pursue the beast. Or wait and call him in a few months. Or don't do anything. See what we care?!?
JesseJames Posted March 11, 2012 Posted March 11, 2012 I think he's looking for a little 3-way animality for a few weeks. I'm not being mean, I've never met the guy. He does like things concerning obedience, though. It seems you might as well, and that would be quite the interesting relationship. I wouldn't discount the animality thing though.
Author vtgirl Posted March 11, 2012 Author Posted March 11, 2012 Lol, I don't think you understand what I'm saying. I think he's looking for a little 3-way animality for a few weeks. I'm not being mean, I've never met the guy. He does like things concerning obedience, though. It seems you might as well, and that would be quite the interesting relationship. I wouldn't discount the animality thing though.
Author vtgirl Posted March 11, 2012 Author Posted March 11, 2012 I'm bumping this up..would appreciate any other's thoughts. I texted him this afternoon..just saying "had a great time last night, let me know when your free" He hasn't texted back. So if he doesn't respond by today, should I move on? I will see him tomorrow AM, so that should be awkward. I know it's only the 3rd date, but he said he really liked me, kissed me, held my hand, but just because of one comment, he doesn't want to hand out again. Strange to me, but maybe someone will give me some input.
Author vtgirl Posted March 11, 2012 Author Posted March 11, 2012 Also, shouldn't he really tell me if he wants to go on another date or not?
FitChick Posted March 11, 2012 Posted March 11, 2012 I'd treat this guy as if he were newly divorced and steer clear. The fact that he talks to his ex weekly will prevent him from healing from this relationship in a timely fashion. Let him have his "transitional relationship" with another woman first. It won't last because she will get tired of hearing him talk about his ex. Then he'll realize he needs to stop and might contact you again. Meanwhile date other guys. 2
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