picantetuvida Posted March 11, 2012 Posted March 11, 2012 Hello. I'm pretty desperate to get my ex-boyfriend back. Unfortunately, I've already done the "contact too much" thing, but he's been very understanding, just a bit frustrated. It's only been a few weeks, but man does this suck. Let me summarize our relationship and break-up a little for you. We weren't together for that long, but things moved pretty fast. He always told me how amazing I was, how beautiful, special.. he even used the word perfect. He would tell me how happy he was that he found me. We have more in common than I could have ever hoped to have with anyone, even a friend. I will absolutely never forget the moment he told me he loved me, because I could tell how hard it was for him and the whole thing was just so intimate and wonderful and made me so happy. We were a bit of long distance - 2 hours at the most - but I generally stayed there every weekend and we would usually just bum around in sweats and watch movies and play video games and have the best time. He said I was the coolest girl. Honestly, and I don't know if this is cheesy or not, but he feels like my soul mate. I can't imagine ever being in a relationship as good as that one. A few weeks ago, he started out by telling me that if I felt I wasn't getting what I needed from the relationship, that he would understand. I should explain - he has a daughter, a 2 year old, and his job really sucks and a lot of the time he would have to cancel plans due to mandatory overtime or financial issues having to do with his daughter (courts costs and things). He felt bad that, from his point of view, he couldn't give me what I deserved. I told him it was fine and that I understood, but over the next couple of days he just decided that it was too much for him. Things with his daughter (custody and such) stressed him out, his job stresses him out, and he was always stressed out about making me happy (even though he didn't need to be). He said he hated being the one to upset me when he had to cancel a weekend, and it just added too much to his stress level because, whether I say not to worry about it or not, he will. He understands that I understand that that's the way things are right now and that it's never HIM that upsets me (which I feel I should add, I never get angry, only sad), but the situation because I miss him when we're apart and it sucks when he has to cancel a weekend or something of the sort - he just says he can't be in a relationship right now with everything going on, and he doesn't feel like he can give me what I need. I disagree on that last part so much. I never even knew anyone as wonderful as him existed - I'd never been so happy, ever. I don't really know what to do right now. He says he still cares and wants to be friends and hang out, which is new for him because he's never wanted to do that after breaking up with someone before. I know he's honest because he always is - he makes that very clear, that he doesn't ever bull**** anyone. He says what he means. I just never expected I would have to worry about this with us. He said he thought we'd be together for years. I just want him back, and I don't really know what to do. I'm miserable.
Linda Lee Posted March 11, 2012 Posted March 11, 2012 Take care of his little daughter, if you could build a great connection with her, he would find it difficult to not have you in his life.
Linda Lee Posted March 11, 2012 Posted March 11, 2012 Let him incorporate some space and comprehend on his own what amount his life is ugly now that your guy doesn’t have you in his personal life. Quite often when persons are in romances, they overlook every part and anything beneficial about their sweetheart. It’s only whenever the two are broken up do they discover how incredible their companion appeared to be to these individuals.
Author picantetuvida Posted March 14, 2012 Author Posted March 14, 2012 Thanks for the advice! I'm not sure if the thing with his daughter would work, because I haven't yet met her, but I do wonder if it would be a possibility at some point with us being friends. Other than that, I'm definitely trying to give him space, though it's pretty difficult. Although, his phone isn't working currently, so I guess that's been a bit of a help. It's just hard not to think about if there's anything specific I could do other than just give him space and concentrating on bettering myself, which is obviously a big thing.
zanzi Posted March 14, 2012 Posted March 14, 2012 a month ago I was in the same boat. So I am sorry, Im not just saying that. It sounds like you both need some time to heal. I think you should give yourself some time to think about what you want other than the old relationship. Change your focus, as hard as it is. You can resolve a lot of pain. Then if you still like him, you could try to talk to him. But until then with your emotions like they are, any conversation will just be going around in circles, and you will get hurt more each time.
Author picantetuvida Posted March 15, 2012 Author Posted March 15, 2012 Right now I'm having a moment where I'm just miserable...can't stop crying, I know I would do ANYTHING to have him back if he would just tell me what it was I needed to do. But I know obviously not to say that. I just miss everything about us so much.
zanzi Posted March 15, 2012 Posted March 15, 2012 If I could tell you something that would get him to change his mind, I would certainly do it. Im going through the same pain. Reality is a **** All I can suggest is what I said before.
pacman81 Posted March 15, 2012 Posted March 15, 2012 If I could tell you something that would get him to change his mind, I would certainly do it. Im going through the same pain. Reality is a **** All I can suggest is what I said before. I know...the hardest part is ALWAYS feeling like there is something you can do or arent doing that would change things...when doing "nothing" is really the only thing that will help the situation. I have read probably 100 articles all saying the same thing on "getting an ex back" yet will still continue to try and find more i havent read...just wishing there was something i am missing.
heatherfeather Posted March 15, 2012 Posted March 15, 2012 Take care of his little daughter, if you could build a great connection with her, he would find it difficult to not have you in his life. I tried this with my ex...taking care of his son ... I think he was sad that he was losing out time with his son cuz the son always wanted to spend time with me.
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