budley12 Posted March 11, 2012 Posted March 11, 2012 its been 4 months since my ex ended things. we were each others firsts. we started dating freshman year and were together for 3 years. I completely ended contact with him 3 weeks ago and i asked him to not contact me because I would see him coming from his new relationship's dorm building when I went to class. He wanted to stay friends but it hurt so much... He said "maybe down the road" and I still love him, but i realize that I need to stop ALL contact to try and heal. I am still having insomnia, and depression problems. Not sure what Im looking for as responses, but it just makes me feel better posting this. He was my everything and our future was going to be perfect. He was the whole package and the people ive been meeting for a "rebound relationship" dont compare whatsoever... i just wish this pain would go away... do you think my odds of getting back with ex would be better if I tried to become friends again and see if his new relationship doesnt work? We are both studying abroad in different countries next semester, so I was thinking maybe I should try and contact him after or during our travels. I still love him and I dont want to lose him
Orianne Posted March 11, 2012 Posted March 11, 2012 Some people will advise against being friends with an ex because it allows the ex to get emotional support without the commitment of a relationship, and in that situation, there is a tendency to never move beyond friendship. (They call it "being friend-zoned".) Your best strategy is to quit worrying about him and focus on yourself--you will never be happy with another person unless you can be happy alone first. 2
cerridwen Posted March 11, 2012 Posted March 11, 2012 (edited) I'm not sure that becoming friends would improve your odds, but it seems like the fast track to more pain. Wouldn't you find it difficult to be stuck on the periphery while he made other people romantically central? Watching people come and go from his life, being relegated to friend status, that could be tough. Some exes are able to form friendships but I've never seen it work when one has a secret agenda. As much as no contact hurts, holding on can hurt worse, just in a different way. Give it more time? Try to really work toward letting go? Sometimes, when we have these kinds of plans, it's an indicator that we're holding out hope. Until we completely focus on ourselves, the healing doesn't really begin. Edited March 11, 2012 by cerridwen
water4150 Posted March 11, 2012 Posted March 11, 2012 I'm 5 months post break up...she cut it off. I stopped contact 2 weeks ago... I tried everything to get her back...everything. I even tried the friend stuff in hoping to get back. Nothing work. It just caused more pain. And I still feel the effects. I haven't gotten a full night rest since 5 months ago the day before we broke up. I still want her back and I would give anything to have her back. But she's not coming back...as of now that is. I don't know what happens in the future. But for now...all I can say is that she's gone forever. Nothing but a memory...nothing but a shadow of my mind Stay no contact...people told me this 4.5 months ago...I never listened...don't make my mistake please....
Author budley12 Posted March 11, 2012 Author Posted March 11, 2012 i really appreciate everyone's responses. It shows me comfort that im not alone with my situation. I would do anything to be back with this person right now but I cant. Im now thinking of sending his parents a letter just thanking them for everything. I started to become really attached to his family and I havn't talk to them since the breakup. I fear though that my ex may see this as just another ploy of me getting him back.
water4150 Posted March 11, 2012 Posted March 11, 2012 i really appreciate everyone's responses. It shows me comfort that im not alone with my situation. I would do anything to be back with this person right now but I cant. Im now thinking of sending his parents a letter just thanking them for everything. I started to become really attached to his family and I havn't talk to them since the breakup. I fear though that my ex may see this as just another ploy of me getting him back. I sent my ex gf's family a christmas card becuase they liked me. It showed them that I'm a good guy etc. If your going to do it, make sure you expect nothing in return, not even a thank you. Make sure your ready if he does happen to say thank you for it might turn into a conversation. It'll be ok, just be strong and take it day by day.
mississippimom Posted March 11, 2012 Posted March 11, 2012 (edited) its been 4 months since my ex ended things. we were each others firsts. we started dating freshman year and were together for 3 years. I completely ended contact with him 3 weeks ago and i asked him to not contact me because I would see him coming from his new relationship's dorm building when I went to class. He wanted to stay friends but it hurt so much... He said "maybe down the road" and I still love him, but i realize that I need to stop ALL contact to try and heal. I am still having insomnia, and depression problems. Not sure what Im looking for as respoTnses, but it just makes me feel better posting this. He was my everything and our future was going to be perfect. He was the whole package and the people ive been meeting for a "rebound relationship" dont compare whatsoever... i just wish this pain would go away... do you think my odds of getting back with ex would be better if I tried to become friends again and see if his new relationship doesnt work? We are both studying abroad in different countries next semester, so I was thinking maybe I should try and contact him after or during our travels. I still love him and I dont want to lose him I know from experiences lately that becoming "friends" is another heartache waiting to happen. My exbf now has a new gf and I'm not ready to be "friends". I have a new bf also, so it's not like I want to go back to the exbf. The emotional roller coaster of trying to be "friends" just doesn't work. I finally told my exbf today to delete my number and to quit acting like he gave a damn, and left it like that. Even though I am with someone else, whom I care about deeply in different ways, I can't be "friends" with the ex right now or anytime soon. Like most folks on here are saying, take the time to focus on HEALING. The only way you can be "friends" with an ex is to allow alot of time to go by so that if you do see your ex or talk to your ex, there are no romantic feelings there. Hell I'm friends with my exbf from college and we was engaged but over time (ALOT of time, years) we were able to jump over that hurdle and now he's one of my best friends. Hope this helps! Edited March 11, 2012 by mississippimom
CaliBabe Posted March 11, 2012 Posted March 11, 2012 I don't think that being friends is a good idea. If you are always there, how will they miss you? How will you become better and deal with the issues you have without him? I think it's best to go no contact and heal. If you are meant to be together, let it happen.
Author budley12 Posted March 12, 2012 Author Posted March 12, 2012 yeah I dont think I can be friends with him. at least not at this point.... I hope the new relationship he is in is just a rebound but I guess I wont know until the future... I just hope it all works out and I can get out of this phase of still being in love with someone who is gone. He wanted me in his life still maybe to see if this new relationship would work, and if not he would take me back... I would wait, but its so painful and such. I just hope I didnt end all chances when I asked him to not contact me anymore.
ThatDudeXO Posted March 12, 2012 Posted March 12, 2012 This is how I see it: Where you friends before you dated? No? Then the only role they've ever played in your life is the role of your lover and they will never be anything else. Being just friends is pointless, it's just pretending everything is okay when it's not. If they're fine with losing your out their lives, then you pretty much have to let that person go.
Author budley12 Posted March 12, 2012 Author Posted March 12, 2012 yeah... its just so hard when you are with a person constantly for years and then nothing. when someone becomes such a big part of your life and you talk about your future together and you dont even imagine yourself without the other person. maybe that is he why he wanted to try and stay friends, but since i asked for no contact he has made new attempts. which i guess is a good thing, but its also showing me that he really doesnt care and he is too busy
water4150 Posted March 12, 2012 Posted March 12, 2012 yeah... its just so hard when you are with a person constantly for years and then nothing. when someone becomes such a big part of your life and you talk about your future together and you dont even imagine yourself without the other person. maybe that is he why he wanted to try and stay friends, but since i asked for no contact he has made new attempts. which i guess is a good thing, but its also showing me that he really doesnt care and he is too busy My girlfriend broke up with me but the week before we were talking about marriage even though we're too young...Been together for 2.5 years every day we would talk...every single day...now its almost 3 weeks i haven't heard from her. The pain is still there. It's not going to go away for a loooonnggg time. Going to have to stay no contact and get used to life without him...yea it sucks but just remember life before you met him....
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