spiderowl Posted March 11, 2012 Posted March 11, 2012 While answering another poster's question, I realised there was a question I wanted to ask, especially of the guys. Are there girls that you would not describe as beautiful, but fairly average, but who are in some way very sexually attractive? If so, what would you want to do in that case - have sex with her but not see her as a long-term girlfriend? Or, does that sexual attraction mean that you would see her as a potential long-term girlfriend? The reason I ask is that when I was younger, I did get hit on a lot of the time and I know I'm not beautiful or even average, but for some reason guys were attracted. In fact, it got quite scary at times with total strangers approaching me in public places, no matter how I tried to avoid them. It was very confusing and I got scared of going out alone. Things have changed, now that I'm older, but I'm still puzzled by what happened.
cerridwen Posted March 11, 2012 Posted March 11, 2012 (edited) Are you/were you shapely? That often has a lot to do with it. Even out of the corner of their eyes, a man can see a good body coming. I have a couple of girlfriends who some would describe as average but their bodies are outrageous. They've never wanted for boyfriends or relationships. Edited March 11, 2012 by cerridwen
Author spiderowl Posted March 11, 2012 Author Posted March 11, 2012 Thanks for your insights. Yes, I was shapely, maybe that was why. Is that enough though? As for being approachable, I did my level best to be unapproachable. I was positively scared by the attention. Maybe as a result I looked overly self-conscious, I don't know. I did become a bit agoraphobic at point, not wanting to go out alone in case I got approached. I can honestly say it happened every time I went into town on my own.
FitChick Posted March 11, 2012 Posted March 11, 2012 My friend was very busty in middle school compared to the other girls so guys of all ages were very vocal about her appearance. She hated the attention. When she gained weight in her forties, she said she was relieved that men no longer noticed her because she could walk down the street unmolested. She is happily married.
threebyfate Posted March 11, 2012 Posted March 11, 2012 Or maybe you are beautiful but something within you believes otherwise.
Author spiderowl Posted March 12, 2012 Author Posted March 12, 2012 Or maybe you are beautiful but something within you believes otherwise. I wish that were the case but no. I think it must have been my shape or something. The negative aspects of what happened is that I find it near-on impossible to show a guy that I'm interested in him. I've spent years avoiding the attentions of guys, on the whole. I tend to feel that if I smile or catch a guy's eye, it would be the equivalent of offering him my body on a plate. I need to find a balance and also find out how women normally flirt without being too forward. I haven't a clue!
jobaba Posted March 12, 2012 Posted March 12, 2012 Are there girls that you would not describe as beautiful, but fairly average, but who are in some way very sexually attractive? If so, what would you want to do in that case - have sex with her but not see her as a long-term girlfriend? Or, does that sexual attraction mean that you would see her as a potential long-term girlfriend? I don't know about how other 'guys' on Loveshack think, but for me, the thing that determines whether a woman will be a long term relationship is her reliability, heart, and personality. Her looks get her proverbial 'foot in the door' to speak. And I'd say most of my male friends are the same. They need a minimum level of attractiveness, but after that, it's mostly personality. How old are you now?
LexiB Posted March 12, 2012 Posted March 12, 2012 One of my guy friends makes no bones about the fact that the girl he's currently seeing "is not conventionally pretty" but, she "oozes sex". Quotes are his exact words. For now, it's enough for him. Eh. 1
Feelin Frisky Posted March 12, 2012 Posted March 12, 2012 That's a multi-faceted question there spiderbowl. Are there girls that you would not describe as beautiful, but fairly average, but who are in some way very sexually attractive? If so, what would you want to do in that case - have sex with her but not see her as a long-term girlfriend? Or, does that sexual attraction mean that you would see her as a potential long-term girlfriend? Yes, there are women who are personally appealing to me in some ways which other people might not agree with. And also there are women one can interact with like on the job who are not particularly attractive whom a man could one day see in a different light and realize he has a big-time "thing" for. It's up to the people involved to decide how far they would go, if they feel they don't want to be seen with this person or, on the opposite end, they don't care and will marry. I personally would never lead anyone on just to get something out of them--I am a "feeler" who empathizes with others. Unfortunately there are many people out there--some even criminal--who lack empathy and see females as objects. I was a foreman on a grand jury once and hears several cases of depraved acts by men against women--including one elderly lady with a dropped uterus. Sorry, I don't mean to add to your fear but that's just how it is. That aside, if you had been "hit on" a lot, it's likely that you were/are attractive in ways you probably under-value or don't understand and can ask others about IRL if you want pointers on what to do to make yourself more appealing. If you're single and looking I hope you find a "feeler" who cares about who you are as a person and moves forward with decency and care.
Author spiderowl Posted March 13, 2012 Author Posted March 13, 2012 (edited) Thanks again for useful comments. I am in my 50s now so don't have the same problem - which is a relief in some respects. I do still get hit on but then, from what I can gather, guys find most women attractive up to a point, therefore I wouldn't assume that it is a great compliment that it still happens. I've realised I haven't learned to encourage interest from the guys I do find attractive but only to discourage and I need to change that. I have missed some wonderful opportunities in the past by being off-putting and unresponsive when really I've felt shy and convinced they would interpret anything positive as trashy. Simply doing nothing seemed to bring the wrong kind of attention. I'd like to learn decent ways of encouraging nice guys. Any hints as to how one can do this would be most appreciated Edited March 13, 2012 by spiderowl
jobaba Posted March 13, 2012 Posted March 13, 2012 Thanks again for useful comments. I am in my 50s now so don't have the same problem - which is a relief in some respects. I do still get hit on but then, from what I can gather, guys find most women attractive up to a point, therefore I wouldn't assume that it is a great compliment that it still happens. I've realised I haven't learned to encourage interest from the guys I do find attractive but only to discourage and I need to change that. I have missed some wonderful opportunities in the past by being off-putting and unresponsive when really I've felt shy and convinced they would interpret anything positive as trashy. Simply doing nothing seemed to bring the wrong kind of attention. I'd like to learn decent ways of encouraging nice guys. Any hints as to how one can do this would be most appreciated Wow. People still have to worry about such things in their 50s? Kind of depressing.
TheFinalWord Posted March 13, 2012 Posted March 13, 2012 Are there girls that you would not describe as beautiful, but fairly average, but who are in some way very sexually attractive? If so, what would you want to do in that case - have sex with her but not see her as a long-term girlfriend? Or, does that sexual attraction mean that you would see her as a potential long-term girlfriend? Yes, in fact I tend to prefer the girl next door look. If a woman is sexually attractive, it is important quality for a girlfriend, but far from the only one. No matter how good the girl looks, if her inside doesn't match the outside, it gets old after a while. I don't describe a woman as beautiful as just physical though. She has to have inner qualities such as kindness, strength, intelligence, etc. to be beautiful for me In a nutshell more to offer than sex appeal. In such a case, if you put an average girl next to a traditional "hot" woman, I would put the average girl over the hot woman.
ThaWholigan Posted March 13, 2012 Posted March 13, 2012 Funny you should make this thread. There is a girl who works in the Supermarket near my house, I don't know her too well but she knew my little brother so we talk briefly. She's got a bit of puppy fat but I happen to think she's really hot. I think because she seems quite modest with it makes me more attracted to her I think. She has a very beautiful face though so that may be it I wholeheartedly agree with the premise of this thread though. There are many women who might not fit the "conventional" ideal but are every bit as beautiful if not more, and I have thought this for years now.
Author spiderowl Posted March 15, 2012 Author Posted March 15, 2012 Interesting. I have known quite a few guys who've fallen madly for someone who is not conventionally beautiful and they've been taken by surprise. Attractiveness is much more subtle and linked to personality, trust and experience of the person. Spending a great night with someone probably also makes a difference as to how attractive they seem.
Bob_Funk Posted March 15, 2012 Posted March 15, 2012 Sexual attraction is mostly about the body for me. Sophie Clark (winner of last season's Survivor) is a perfect example of this. While her face is kind of odd-looking, she has a naturally sexy shape. I couldn't help get turned on every time they'd show her in her bikini bottoms. Then there's the toothpick-shaped Keira Knightly type. While these girls have beautiful faces, they don't turn me on nearly as much as the voluptuous, but homelier, Sophie Clark type. Hope that helps.
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