Eternal Sunshine Posted March 11, 2012 Posted March 11, 2012 I corresponded with this guy from OKC for nearly a month. He never seemed to initiate meeting up so I did. So we had lunch and I found him to be really shy but very attractive. I have a thing for cute nerdy shy guys. Anyhow, he apologized for being shy post date...I think I said that we should catch up again at some point and he was like "yeah!". So since meeting he has been initiating a lot of contact. More so than pre-meeting. All of it has been in text (mostly long e-mails) which is understandable based on his shyness. He hasn't mentioned firmly meeting up again and it's been few days. None of the correspondence is flirty really. It's mostly day-day events and him putting a funny/witty spin on them. In his profile, he says he is looking for friends as well as dates. Perhaps he wants to be friends Should I be aggressive and suggest meeting up again? Or just hang on and wait for him to say something?
Badsingularity Posted March 11, 2012 Posted March 11, 2012 Suggest meeting up with him again. Shy people are not always good at showing their interest.
Mme. Chaucer Posted March 11, 2012 Posted March 11, 2012 Well … normally I would agree with the above. But remember how obsessed and miserable you were because your ex was not all over you from the very first moment? It seems that you really need a man to be obsessed, infatuated and in flaming hot pursuit in order to feel okay. I don't think that is healthy, and that it rarely if ever really leads to a lasting happy relationship. But if you make the first move, please only do so if you are going to be fine about it as time goes on if you continue to see the guy. 2
Author Eternal Sunshine Posted March 11, 2012 Author Posted March 11, 2012 This is crazy! We just exchanged 5 e-mails today (again initiated by him) and it's not even noon. He also texted me a picture of a coffee table he bought this morning. In one of the e-mails he said how he was home with nothing to do on Sat night. I responded to that saying that I will need to get him out more He responded to that e-mail but ignored that comment. How much more of a hint he needs? Arghhhh.
turt Posted March 11, 2012 Posted March 11, 2012 Try to meet up with him again. When you do, just tell him your interested in dating him and want to know how he feels. You have to remember that many of the women on there will just stop communication if you ask to meet them.
Author Eternal Sunshine Posted March 11, 2012 Author Posted March 11, 2012 (edited) Well … normally I would agree with the above. But remember how obsessed and miserable you were because your ex was not all over you from the very first moment? It seems that you really need a man to be obsessed, infatuated and in flaming hot pursuit in order to feel okay. I don't think that is healthy, and that it rarely if ever really leads to a lasting happy relationship. But if you make the first move, please only do so if you are going to be fine about it as time goes on if you continue to see the guy. I actually had many more problems with my ex and that was the least of them. He asked me out the day after meeting me (in fact, he asked me out the night of meeting me and just called the next day to confirm). It was his hot/cold behavior and pretty extreme switching between the two that was the problem (and he later admitted that was due to other girls). My ex was an extrovert, super-confident and outgoing. An alltogether different scenario. Also, I believe that for some guys - it's not in their nature to be in red-hot pursuit of anyone. My options are: 1. Keep corresponding with him like this and don't push things further. 2. Suggest a specific time to meet up and see what happens then. 3. Stop correspondence and move on. Edited March 11, 2012 by Eternal Sunshine
2sunny Posted March 11, 2012 Posted March 11, 2012 This is crazy! We just exchanged 5 e-mails today (again initiated by him) and it's not even noon. He also texted me a picture of a coffee table he bought this morning. In one of the e-mails he said how he was home with nothing to do on Sat night. I responded to that saying that I will need to get him out more He responded to that e-mail but ignored that comment. How much more of a hint he needs? Arghhhh. Are you sure he's not married? Stupid and/or shy or not - most guys could read a hint and ask you out for Saturday! The guy isn't taking the lead. He's either married or dumb as a rock. I see it being extremely frustrating for you - unless you can expect nothing from him but texts. 3
tigressA Posted March 11, 2012 Posted March 11, 2012 Since you said he's shy, perhaps he just needs a bit more of a push. Suggest going out again with a particular date/time in mind. If he says no and/or doesn't come back with an alternate plan you'll know he's not that interested and you can move on. Simple.
OpenBook Posted March 11, 2012 Posted March 11, 2012 He's "friend-zoning" you. Friend-zone him right back. Keep corresponding with him (if you feel so inclined) but keep it light and nonchalant, no more hints or expectations. Definitely move on romantically. Next! 2
2sunny Posted March 11, 2012 Posted March 11, 2012 Is there a reason you met for lunch and not dinner?
Ninjainpajamas Posted March 11, 2012 Posted March 11, 2012 It's one thing to be shy, but this is downright suspicious. I mean really, who is this shy? This is a grown man correct? He's already met you, he's had a chance to get to know you and feel comfortable around you, what else do you think this guy needs? Whatever his deal is, I suspect there's something more to this than just being shy. He's blatantly avoiding questions about meeting and only met up after you requested. I tend to think you're rather infatuated with this guy at this point however and not really sure I trust the judgment of this man from your eyes. It seems like you're seeing him through a very narrow corridor If the best reason you can come up with after talking to you for a month as well as meeting you and then not making any more advances especially when you're obviously giving him the green light. You can try being direct and just flat out ask him out again, but when you have to try this hard to get someone to meet or interact with you, there is something else to the equation and I don't see how it could be positive for you. 5
Author Eternal Sunshine Posted March 11, 2012 Author Posted March 11, 2012 Is there a reason you met for lunch and not dinner? Of course, we met ONLINE. I never have dinner with guys from online as a first meet up.
Author Eternal Sunshine Posted March 11, 2012 Author Posted March 11, 2012 Sigh. I feel like I am getting the wrong advice from this thread. No, I am not infatuated at all. I am not even that bothered. If I was (given how aggressive and forward I am), I would have already made the first move. He IS shy. He said so in his profile - even saying that he is extremely introverted and shy. This is the trait that I LIKE in men. I don't care about "nobody needs a man that shy". Give me a shy men over an outgoing one any day. He was extremely nervous on the date. His voice was shaking and he sometimes stumbled on his words. We met during my lunch break and I had to excuse myself and leave after 1.5 hours. He never had a chance to get comfortable. Again, I found this sweet. He texted me later to apologize for being SHY and not talking much and he apologized if he came across as aloof. So yeah, he is SHY.
2sunny Posted March 11, 2012 Posted March 11, 2012 Ok - I see that he is SHY! So wait another year and he may ask you out. For now, instead of asking - he sits at home on a Saturday night. Get used to that.
2sunny Posted March 11, 2012 Posted March 11, 2012 Of course, we met ONLINE. I never have dinner with guys from online as a first meet up. Did he pay the whole bill?
Author Eternal Sunshine Posted March 11, 2012 Author Posted March 11, 2012 No - they were the opposite. I, myself am more shy but not extremely so. I always hated that my exs were so outgoing. They had million friends and would expect me to socialize with them all the time. I was always criticized for not talking enough so I would have to force myself to appear more outgoing than I really am. I just want a homebody guy that I can chill on the couch with and watch a movie on Sat nights.
Author Eternal Sunshine Posted March 11, 2012 Author Posted March 11, 2012 Did he pay the whole bill? Yes, he did. I offered but he stumbled that he wants to pay.
leftfordead2 Posted March 11, 2012 Posted March 11, 2012 Yes, he did. I offered but he stumbled that he wants to pay. Aww, this guy sounds really cute, give him a chance..
threebyfate Posted March 11, 2012 Posted March 11, 2012 Are you honestly attracted to him? If not, don't push it.
2sunny Posted March 11, 2012 Posted March 11, 2012 And continue dating other men too - that way you don't get too focused on his inaction with you.
Author Eternal Sunshine Posted March 11, 2012 Author Posted March 11, 2012 TBF, I am but still don't know him enough to know how much. All I know is that I would be open to seeing him again. Mainly, I just feel emotionally drained from my last relationship and am not really ready to jump into anything. I do enjoy light day to day correspondence. I think it's for the best to leave it at that and see what happens. 1
Author Eternal Sunshine Posted March 11, 2012 Author Posted March 11, 2012 And continue dating other men too - that way you don't get too focused on his inaction with you. I don't want to date other men. Not because of him but because I want to focus on my work and hobbies. I am not that desperate to be in a relationship at this point.
2sunny Posted March 11, 2012 Posted March 11, 2012 Ok. For some reason - I was seeing you way too focused on him not doing enough. If you are happy with him not asking you out and mainly a text buddy - then so be it. It seems if you wanted a man who would ask you on a date - you wouldn't focus on this particular guy. So I get it now - you are content just to mainly text with him. 1
Ninjainpajamas Posted March 11, 2012 Posted March 11, 2012 Just be careful you're not running to one side of the teeter totter because the last guys you dated were outgoing so you're going to get a super shy guy now to balance that all out. I understand If you're just enjoying the moment in a sense, but you seem fairly interested in this guy in order to really question what to do next when you on one hand seem not to mind and even understand how overly shy this guy is you're ok with it, yet on the other hand wondering what you should do because of it...seems a little bit confusing and unclear what your goal is from the outside looking in, which is why you're getting the responses you're getting here from what you're describing. It seems like you're also wanting to take time to get over your previous relationship with your ex, yet still want to pursue this guy and "see where things go"...Do you even know what you want or what you're doing at this point? Or you just a fool for a shy guy? 2
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